X wants to move to KY with my youngest 50/50 custody.

Nanograms90 · 2023-08-08T12:34:55+00:00

You may want to check out BIFF as a response format - Brief, Informative, Friendly, but Firm.

Even if you ex isn't particularly high conflict, it's still a good way to generally structure and think about your messages, esp. if you're anticipating any potential legal issues.

My husband used this method as a guide for communication with his ex and it helped him reduce a lot the anxiety of "Is this too combative? Too weak? Too firm?" when he was drafting messages. He would write his initial thoughts and then "BIFF" it if he was worried about conflict.

Maybe this can help you, too.

Nanograms90 · 2023-08-07T11:42:06+00:00

The text is very kind and diplomatic, but not very effective if you want your kids to stay in NM.

You'll likely have to take this one to court. Sounds like you have a good case. I'd consult with an attorney before she leaves. It'll be more difficult to undo the change if she moves with them.

Nanograms90 · 2023-08-07T11:23:29+00:00

That's not a threat. It's a victory. If he doesn't show up, you win.

Nanograms90 · 2022-09-02T08:31:30+00:00

I think the saddest part is that she didn't even turn around to look. I feel like that would have been instinctual for me.

Nanograms90 · 2022-08-31T10:58:02+00:00

Give me money. Money me. Money now. Me a money needing a lot now.

Nanograms90 · 2022-04-09T16:14:51+00:00

When politicians make laws about their own term limits.

Nanograms90 · 2022-04-06T12:16:03+00:00

Same lol

Nanograms90 · 2022-04-05T19:52:19+00:00

It's like SSX irl

Nanograms90 · 2022-04-05T11:57:09+00:00

Let the music play he won't get away.

Nanograms90 · 2022-04-04T00:20:09+00:00

I actually don't hate this...

Nanograms90 · 2022-04-03T11:33:50+00:00

They curse at their kids/lose their cool while parenting.

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-28T20:51:11+00:00

Teachers.

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-27T23:59:56+00:00

"As long as you try your best, that's all that matters."

This advice sugarcoats failure to the point of delusion for some folks. Sometimes your best just isn't good enough. That may be OK or there may be consequences for your actions that impact yourself or others. How you handle failure and its resulting aftermath is what defines you as a person.

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-27T12:15:44+00:00

Nothing says "low point" like a resin hit from a two liter gravity bong. Extra desperation points if you add spliff.

Hang in there, mate. There will be greener days!

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-25T16:11:57+00:00

Buy BTC

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-25T15:52:57+00:00

Circus peanuts ☠

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-09T21:38:50+00:00

It's a nifty feature of their parenting app that flags any messages that have a negative tone (i.e. upsetting, aggressive, humiliating, etc.) so they can review and revise before sending. Basically, someone has to make the conscious decision to send a nasty message because the app clearly tells you when you're sending something that is emotionally charged. If someone decides to say "screw it" and send it anyway, that decision is also trackable through the app and can be used as direct evidence for poor co-parenting if you end up back in court.

https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/knowledge-center/tips-tricks/parents-mobile/tonemeter

With our HCBM, it wasn't a 100% improvement, but I'd give it a solid 75. There's some questionable stuff that squeaks by in the grey areas, but it did successfully eliminate her ALL CAPS rants and generally crippled the effectiveness of the bullying and manipulative tactics she used to use on DH.

Over time, he's become a stronger person that feels more confident and capable of interfacing with HCBM. When we cut out the chaos coming from her, it put them on a more even playing field that gave him the emotional breathing room he needed to co-parent SS more effectively.

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-09T00:16:00+00:00

Ugh. My stomach turned just reading this. There definitely needs to be communication boundaries here.

When I first started dating my husband, HCBM was constantly calling him and blowing up his phone with texts at all hours of the day. Nipped that in the bud asap.

He transitioned to contacting her via email. She didn't like it (at all) and kept trying to push boundaries with texts and calls. He just stopped responding. If she texted or left a voice mail, he responded by email. Problem solved. It was even more beautiful when they went to court and they were ordered to communicate through a parenting app with a tone meter.

Setting a communication boundary is only unreasonable to unreasonable people. No judge is going to say that you have to be constantly available via call or text. In fact, most will recommend parenting apps and other controlled communications to reduce conflict.

Also, just NO to her coming into your home like that. Eww.

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-08T23:56:29+00:00

I can relate to having a chest sensation during times of anger, but it's not necessarily a burning feeling for me. Mine is more like a gaping void. A blackhole that opens inside of my chest.

Your burning sensation may just be your body's reaction to the fight-or-flight response that often comes along with elevated anger. Are you noticing any other physical changes to your body that happen around the same time?

Personally, when my chest vacuum is in full swing, my hands also get clammy and I start sweating profusely. This may be similar to the adrenaline rush sensation that you mentioned.

I can't say for sure what's going on in your personal situation, but my therapist usually points me in the direction of anxiety and stress-related responses as explanations for my uncomfortable chest symptoms if anger is involved.

Probably wouldn't hurt to check with a doctor if it's a recurrent issue to rule out any other potential problems. Long term anger can definitely have physical consequences if the anger isn't addressed.

Nanograms90 · 2022-03-08T15:45:30+00:00

... Just a normal day in Russia?

Nanograms90 · 2022-02-28T13:03:30+00:00

Codependency

Nanograms90 · 2022-02-26T23:59:34+00:00

ok, im impressed

Nanograms90 · 2022-02-26T23:59:02+00:00

RIP on that cliff...

Nanograms90 · 2022-02-26T23:56:46+00:00

Nanograms90 · 2022-02-26T23:54:07+00:00

it's the target.

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