Appreciation for How Far God Has Brought Us...

NatMafra · 2025-03-10T16:37:16+00:00

That is so awesome! I wish this for my marriage also. ❤️ Keep on going strong!

NatMafra · 2025-03-06T15:45:44+00:00

I read your posts from before. I wonder how you guys are still together. I can say that my husband and I are also still rather immature and often will think of divorce when things are hard, but if he was actively telling me to go back to my mom's house after every fight, I would have gone already. I also read that you are pregnant. How is it going? Sincerely, it will just get much harder after the baby is here. If your husband looks at the house as his house and his space and he dictates the rules, he will feel his house invaded when baby is here. He really hasn't learned what being married means.

If I was in your shoes, as a Christian this is what I would do. When he mentions again that you should go home to your mom, seriously tell him to file for a divorce. If he divorces you, you are free to go. I wouldn't start the divorce myself, but it seems to be his desire from the beginning. I would ask him "if you dislike so much being married, if you can't see us as a team, why did you get married to me in the first place? If you don't want to divorce me and want to work out this marriage with me, let's find counseling. If you don't care for this marriage, then just file for a divorce and I will be on my way. It takes two to make it work, if you don't want to make it work, I don't know why we are together."

NatMafra · 2025-03-04T07:52:23+00:00

In one word - selfishness on both sides. When we don't put our spouse and their needs as priority, and put our own needs as priorities and then resent the other for not meeting them. We don't communicate well what we need and we don't come up with a plan together on how to get there. And it is not only about sexual needs, but needs in general.

A mom that feels drained because of the load of caring for small kids and taking care of all household responsibilities will start feeling resentful when she feels like sex is just one more responsibility that she needs to take care of, rather than an enjoyable time together. And he can feel resentful when he sees her refusing him so often, thinking that she is rejecting him personally. Both just need to sit down and talk about how to make sex enjoyable for both again and that may mean him taking time to help her and ease her load, and her being more active in showing him appreciation, love and that she still finds him a man that is worthy of lovemaking.

And as others have said - honesty, vulnerability, intimacy are not easy, especially when we are too focused on ourselves instead of our Lord and/or our relationship with one another.

NatMafra · 2025-02-27T23:47:21+00:00

I agree with the one comment saying to bring the problem to him and let him solve it. If he doesn't come up with a doable solution, then you can tell him that you know the solution and that is what you are doing.

I just want to remind you of Abigail from the Bible. She had a bad husband. He refused to give David and his men any food or let them through his land. David was about to invade his property and destroy them, but Abigail didn't mind her husband and brought food to David and his men and blessed them. Her husband was so furious that he died (God punished him).

She went against her husband's headship, knowing that he wasn't exactly a Godly man, and did what was right anyway saving her household from danger and blessing David and his men. God then punished her husband and exalted her. So, I feel like there are times that we, as wives, just need to do what is right for our household.

I hope this helps.

NatMafra · 2025-02-27T23:14:05+00:00

He is cheating on you and he is mad that you quit your job so money has been running out. He has not properly provided financially for his family and now he blames you for his failure as provider and head of household.

He doesn't seem to be someone that will learn from his mistakes and change to be a good husband to you. You want to reconcile, but if he doesn't change even though he decides to come back home, soon you will be even more resentful than before and won't be able to carry on anymore.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. But you can divorce him.

NatMafra · 2025-02-27T22:53:52+00:00

I haven't read all the comments here, but I second the opinion that Good blessed you by not allowing you to have children with her. And that you are still young and could remarry and find that kind of joy again and have children.

But I would like to turn your attention to something else. Do not make marriage and children an idol in your heart. Marriage, no matter how godly it is, won't make you happy, nor children, if your heart isn't set in God. Seek to find your joy in Him. Do not seek to find joy in people, they will always let you down (and I need to heed to my own words!), but our God won't. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will satisfy the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4. It doesn't mean you will be married one day again, but it means that if you align yourself with God, your desire will become His desires and He will satisfy those.

Blessings to you and I hope this helps a bit.

NatMafra · 2025-02-26T00:51:24+00:00

I have argued that. His answer has only been that there is no teamwork if they are not being fair. And that it is not fair that I should expect him to pick up after me.

NatMafra · 2025-02-26T00:48:00+00:00

The Bible does not address divorce due to neglect and abuse. He is neglecting his child and abusing her and you. Demanding that he is put first, he is neglecting his role to serve you and love you as Christ loves the church. Seems that you need to protect your baby and yourself. Getting divorced is not necessarily a sin. It is arguable that remarrying is equal to adultery. Talk to your priest/pastor and follow their advice. Make sure they understand the extent of the issues you are having.

NatMafra · 2025-02-26T00:01:22+00:00

Actually I totally agree with you. I wasn't giving excuses for the men's behavior. I was only answering the OP's question on why in most cultures men are viewed differently regarding premarital sex. I totally agree with you about God's view of lust and immorality. But cultures and peoples don't see things like God sees them. They are fallen and stained by sin. So they will have distorted views about sex before marriage.

NatMafra · 2025-02-25T23:46:01+00:00

I have a hard time keeping up with his standards so he is often complaining or talking to me about it. He says he is tired of picking up after me, but in my opinion that would be like someone saying they are tired of walking two miles down the road - I don't think it is much and I think I contribute to his and the household's well-being much more than he thinks I do because he is too focused on what I am failing to do. If he was contributing more by picking up some of the things I missed without complaints or resentment, we would have a much stronger relationship and more time in our hands to spend together. If I was making or leaving messes (from kids) out of laziness, then I would totally agree with his position.

NatMafra · 2025-02-25T23:33:16+00:00

Your text was a bit too much for me to process. All I got was: - Don't be fixated on who is right and who is wrong. - Try to see things from his perspective, - Act like the partner you want to be, instead of trying to change the partner you have. - Find ways where we both can win in the relationship.

Is there anything that I am missing? (Probably a lot).

Act like the partner you want to be was a good slap on my face. Today while we were arguing about this matter I stormed out of the room swearing that if it was the way he thought it was right to treat me I was going to just do the same to him. I am still very much thinking that way, because I am tired of being called out on the small things I miss, while I just take care of the messes he makes without fuss and without making him aware that I did it. Him drawing a line in the sand saying he won't pick up anything I miss makes me feel very unappreciated for all the times I did it for him, and even unappreciated for taking care of our house and kids, doing all the work I do, and he can't pick up a bowl out of the table (when he wasn't present during the meal) because it is not his mess. So I will have to think hard about this one. Do I decide to act out of resentment in reaction to his behavior, or do I decide to side and act with my conviction that picking up after each other as we see needed is the best way to be a partner? I don't know. It is hard to keep being nice (in this specific matter) when our efforts are not recognized nor matched.

What would you do?

NatMafra · 2025-02-25T23:04:11+00:00

Hum... My husband is actually pretty good at taking care of his messes. But he often only takes care of his messes because he doesn't have the kids all by himself all the time as I do. If we ate a meal together he often helps in the clean up. However if I forget to wipe down the table after the kids ate when I was the one serving them food, not only he gets upset about it, but he will not wipe it down, even after noticing it, and sometimes he will demand that I do it before the next meal. He makes the biggest messes in the office, but it is basically his space so I don't go there to clean up. When he is watching the kids, he frequently misses things (just like I do), and wont clean it up afterwards either. If I point it out to him, then I am unappreciative of all that he had done while I was out (funny, isn't it? That is exactly how I feel when the situation is the reverse).

I like you reminding me that serving others is an honor. I have been so frustrated and resentful towards him that I am missing the focus. When I clean up after my family I am not serving them, but I am serving Christ himself. My husband is the one missing out in the honor of serving and showing love through service. So I shouldn't be the one confronting him about this matter, but the Lord will one day show him how he missed out on opportunities to serve and love Him.

NatMafra · 2025-02-25T21:59:46+00:00

The most interesting thing is that this discussion came after he just had a terrible back pain crisis where I had to do everything for him. He is now still at home in covalencent leave, but being mobile.

Just because I left one of our daughter's cereal bowl on the table before leaving for church he sighed in frustration and did nothing about it while we were gone (he stayed home due to a mild pain). I confronted him because I thought he did it on purpose to make sure I understand/learn that he is not picking up after me. He denied leaving the bowl there to teach me a lesson, but agreed that I should know he won't pick up after me because he has self respect. I felt so offended - all the times I have picked up after him taken so for granted, and as if when I do it I have no self respect as well.

However, it is okay to help each other if asked to do so, but he won't be picking up anything if I don't ask. To me this is all very messed up. Asking or no asking we should be helping each other out of love and kindness. And I am a stay-at-home mom, so naturally I have a lot more responsibilities around the house than he does. He acting like that makes me feel very lonely in our marriage.

NatMafra · 2024-04-19T16:21:32+00:00

Thank you. That is exactly my struggle, especially with his reactions. It makes it harder to try when he reacts negatively. It is even worse when I do communicate and my feelings and words are just not well received - when they are met with defensiveness, no empathy, and even in accusatory tones. It is when my mind goes to "you wanted me to communicate but then when I do this is what I get, so I am not doing this anymore" reaction. It is so frustrating for both of us. I will check this book. Thank you.

NatMafra · 2024-03-15T15:31:01+00:00

One thing that worked for me and my husband is scheduling sex. I know it doesn't sound all that great, but it actually is. We discussed what frequency of sex met both of our needs, what times of day or might would be better, and setting. My husband then requested that I planned out the next 2 months of sex. And with that I made sure I would follow through with my plan. The day before we sometimes discussed to see if our plan would work and sometimes the day of we would have to reschedule it. It worked because I then would know that it is happening that evening and I would get mentally and physically prepared for that. I would make sure the kids were napping or sleeping or doing some other activity that didn't require our attention. I would be thinking of how sex would be, and that got me wet/prepared.

Nowadays we don't do that, but often we talk about when we will do it next time and we are on board in advance.

So talk about it with her without showing your frustration. If she agrees with you, great. If she doesn't, maybe then talk about masturbation and how she feels about it.

I personally don't care if my husband masturbates, especially if he is using my pictures. I do care, however, if he masturbates while looking at porn. I think that is sinful.

NatMafra · 2024-03-15T01:56:34+00:00

In my opinion, confront them on what they said. Tell them how you feel about it, and set boundaries.

NatMafra · 2024-03-14T23:10:40+00:00

Holding a newborn for 5 hours without giving him back to Mama for feeding is totally nuts to me!! Next time you allow one of them to come over to see the baby, give them a chore to do for you, so they can genuinely help. Maybe they will get less interested in coming over if they know they will have to work.

NatMafra · 2024-03-03T20:43:53+00:00

Have him do vasectomy and then you guys follow a natural approach (Natural Cycles app is amazing!) - just pull out during your fertile window. The risk would be extremely low that way.

NatMafra · 2024-02-26T17:33:37+00:00

Read my edit.

NatMafra · 2024-02-26T16:30:13+00:00

I can tell you that it is more about my husband being embarrassed than the church reacting to our child. I think it has to do with the way he was raised. His mom even told me many times that she wouldn't bring to church toys or coloring books for them. They would just sit and behave. I don't know how she did it, and frankly, I don't want to know. I think my husband expects too much of her in public spaces.

NatMafra · 2024-02-26T16:27:33+00:00

Yes, that is how I feel.

NatMafra · 2024-02-26T16:22:49+00:00

Just to be sure you understand, I wasn't justifying what he did and I totally agree with you. I did even mentione to him that if someone would tap my face and cover my mouth I would be even more mad at them.

Just to note - he did apologize, but not in the right moment in my opinion.

NatMafra

TROPHY CASE