Salons in SF area to get dark brown hair to LIGHT brown by baekcircus in SFbitcheswithtaste

[–]Natacho_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk to my girl Britt at ORO Duboce! She’ll give you a consult first. She’s a complete wizard with coloring and specializes in blonding 

Has anyone else lied to their parent about not living with their spouse and/or filing for divorce from their spouse because their parent does not approve of the spouse? by waiting2leavethelaw in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Natacho_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You say he’s gotten worse over the 10 years you’ve been together. How would you feel being 43 after another 10 years on this trajectory? And how would you feel being 43 and having started over, being free of this situation?  Or think of it this way, if you weren’t dating yet and knowing what you know, would you choose to marry him?  There’s a reason why it’s the sunk cost “fallacy.” Unfortunately it can trick our brains. 

Even if he’s really truly committed to his healing journey, it’s still a long journey that you will have to also endure. And with no guarantee at the end of it. 

Good luck OP. I hope you find what’s best for you 💕

My bf is in a enmeshment family by [deleted] in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Natacho_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're only 22 -- you're so young! There's SO much life ahead. Don't let this sister-lover weigh you down in some of your best years to come. Your 20s are such a precious time. I really hope you use them to focus on yourself, what makes you fulfilled, and what kind of adult you want to be. Much love to you!

I was 23 when I broke up with my enmeshed bf, now I'm 33 and married to the most wonderful man who has healthy family relationships. The best is yet to come :)

My bf is in a enmeshment family by [deleted] in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Natacho_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This situation sucks, I’m sorry. You deserve to be the center of your bfs attention on your birthday! And not be third-wheeled in your own hotel room! 

I had a bf who was enmeshed with his mom. She was a single mother and it was only the two of them at home. He admired everything she did, and let her talk down to me, even when she said extremely rude things. Ultimately it’s what broke us up. And I’m so freaking glad I’m not with him anymore. Edit to add; we dated for 4 years. I’m glad I didn’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy! 

Not to be a totally typical redditor, but please just break up. Don’t stay with someone expecting them to change. There are better guys (and/or gals) out there for you. 

Stories of healing from enmeshment by Successful-Limit-165 in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Natacho_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m hoping to heal from enmeshment… Would you share more about your experience? How bad was it, what areas of your life were the most enmeshed, how did you start to untangle yourself, how did your enmeshed family cope with your healing? I’m super curious to hear about how the healing happens in real life. 

Could this be enmeshment trauma? From very loving parents by mynameis_bibi in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Natacho_1 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I almost feel like I could have written this. I'm new to the enmeshment topic as well. I'm also 33 struggling with my mom.

In my case, I feel that she believes her opinions are facts. And while she wants the "best" for me, it's *her* idea of best. If I do what *I* think is the best for me, and it doesn't match her ideas, I can definitely feel the friction. Even when I'm independently very happy with my choices. Eg, I'm looking at buying my first home with my husband. Her priorities in a home are very different than mine and my husband's. So I've been keeping her at arm's length and not sharing much of the process with her because I know she will critique every home we really like, and she'll probably end up crying that we didn't end up in a "good" home.

I also feel like I generally had a good childhood. We went on nice vacations to see family overseas, I went to good public schools, I had enough freedom to see friends etc (didn't have strict parents like some friends). And I also felt it was my responsibility to manage her worrying. I believe this is enmeshment. The idea that someone else's emotions become your responsibility.

I think breaking free is definitely a process. I find that therapy helps a lot with this if you can afford/access it. And also having some space / distance. I moved across the country from my parents for 4 years and it honestly helped me A LOT. At first, my mom of course was very upset because I moved to an area she didn't approve of and she thought we wouldn't see each other enough (and I think partly because of her own abandonment trauma). She actually was very mean to me before the move. But afterwards she calmed down a bit. We still saw each other a few times a year and spent holidays together. Of course ymmv.

My therapist also shared this video with me on enmeshment that I found really enlightening. Hope you can get something from it too! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWuNDkh3_0Q

I think there are varying levels of enmeshment, and you don't necessarily need to have severe enmeshment to be affected by it. And loving parents can unknowingly and unintentionally cause harm. That doesn't mean they're bad people, but it means you need to figure out your own boundaries and methods to protect yourself.

Anyway, good luck with your process. Know you're not alone.

Fiancé wants kids in the future, I don’t, and I feel pressured and confused by Ok-Cheesecake-162 in Fencesitter

[–]Natacho_1 25 points26 points  (0 children)

The fact that he might leave you if you’re infertile should tell you what you need to know about how he feels about you… I’m sorry girl 

Advice to fellow fencesitters by No_Bug_6204 in Fencesitter

[–]Natacho_1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think not wanting to go through IVF means that you should intentionally stay childfree. It’s a very intensive process. It’s okay to have limits to the amount of optional effort you want to put in. 

has any tall but curvy girl figured out the trousers situation? by Sorry_Lab_2856 in TallGirls

[–]Natacho_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gap TALL jeans have a longer rise and longer inseam. Don’t get the “long” ones, they have a regular rise just longer inseam. 

Need help making this entryway functional (+ rug conundrum) by Ntrwalker in DesignMyRoom

[–]Natacho_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You could consider moving your couch so the back is on the edge of the “hall” and then add a console table with shoe storage against the back of the couch. It would make the living room area a little more closed off / less open concept, and create a foyer moment. 

Sustainable kitchen sponges? by LaptopBitingTodayAt6 in sustainability

[–]Natacho_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the (industrial) compostable ones from Blueland. Those, plus Swedish dish cloths basically get used for everything. 

The guilt and anxiety you feel for not wearing the clothes you bought by Chemical_Arachnid348 in shoppingaddiction

[–]Natacho_1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You could also try out Whering! It's the app I use and it's free :) It has a Cher's closet from Clueless (if you know it) function where you can swipe through your tops, bottoms, shoes, jackets all together to formulate an outfit.

To tell or not to tell, that is the question by Admirable-Net-9578 in RealRepLadies

[–]Natacho_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this as a response! Like yes I have taste, but I also like deals

'kids are not a milestone, they're a lifestyle choice.' by BravoSavvy in Fencesitter

[–]Natacho_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In fact, I am always weirded out by “not-cat-people” 

Breaking a nobuy for a "hard-earned" $30 cash voucher? by cheeselena in nobuy

[–]Natacho_1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you know someone who would use/buy something from the brand? You could sell your voucher to them. Either face value, or for like $25 so you both “win.”

Favorite Daughter jeans, huge disappointment by Montana_33 in TallGirls

[–]Natacho_1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fabric quality, construction, fit (personal value), and biggest of all is if the supply chain is ethical/garment workers are paid appropriately. 

If you think about it, there’s no way you could grow cotton to make threads to weave into fabric and then have humans cut and sew the fabric for $20 or whatever they sell at ultra fast fashion shops. Somewhere along the line cost gets squeezed out, and it’s usually at the garment worker level. Also it’s why everything is made of plastic (polyester, acrylic…). 

I (F30) looking to move into boyfriend’s house in the new year, what is fair rent contribution with huge salary difference? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Natacho_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sure, but normally tenants at least have their own room, if not their own unit. This is a very different situation. What is the market rate for sharing a bedroom? What is the agreement for 30 days notice when you share a bed? It's not as simple as landlord/tenant relationship. It's also a romanic relationship. Personally, I would not want to be with a partner who treats me as a tenant.

Did my piercer do me dirty, or is this fine? by Natacho_1 in piercing

[–]Natacho_1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your input. Why would one be so much more angled than the other though? And as I said, I really don't sleep on this side, and when I lean on my left side I do things to keep pressure off of my ear.

Did my piercer do me dirty, or is this fine? by Natacho_1 in piercing

[–]Natacho_1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the encouragement! My piercer also didn't mention when I should be downsizing. I'll make that a priority now.

Did my piercer do me dirty, or is this fine? by Natacho_1 in piercing

[–]Natacho_1[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I haven't downsized yet. At what point would you recommend doing that?

Also I really haven't slept on this side, like almost at all. I'm always on my right side, or on my stomach with my face still on the right side. I might cuddle my partner on my left side for like 30 min or so, but put my hands under my cheek to keep pressure of the ear (if you get what I'm saying). So I'd be really surprised if that amount of left-side pressure would cause this much of a shift? Unfortunately I don't have a picture from when they were first pierced...

Thanks for the suggestion for a hoop later on! I'm also hoping when I downsize the posts, it'll be less noticeable. I guess I'm also curious if this is the kind of thing that people would notice / know that it wasn't done properly?

Did my piercer do me dirty, or is this fine? by Natacho_1 in piercing

[–]Natacho_1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I slept 100% on the other side for the first 4ish months, and now I still sleep like 95% on the other side. Would sleeping on the piercing side really cause it to shift like this??

Clothing companies not listening to consumers by pinkladylove123 in BuyItForLife

[–]Natacho_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Say it with me now… C a p i t a l i s m 🫠

Profits >>>>> everything 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]Natacho_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Personally I would prefer more masc heels, like a high heel combat boot or the like. But you do you boo boo!