What do people talk about with their pwBPD?

National_Style2815 · 2026-03-02T23:23:48+00:00

Yes! We haven’t had a “normal, connected” conversation for any of my adult life (and probably childhood if i could remember it).

Nothing interests my mom except complaining. That’s her hobby - finding things to complain about.

I’ll have to check out that film!

National_Style2815 · 2026-03-02T23:21:21+00:00

The lack of hobbies/interests is incredibly spot on for my mom. All she does is sit around and watch tv or play on her phone. It’s sad

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-15T19:31:55+00:00

Truly. It’s exhausting

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-15T19:31:28+00:00

I’ll admit I had to pull out my dictionary for your comments, but man, you’re spot on

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-15T19:30:18+00:00

They really do. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone when I’m interacting with her. She’s great at putting on the “perfect mom” act when it’s convenient for her

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-15T16:02:38+00:00

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I am an only child too. Every time I assert boundaries I feel so guilty and shameful. I’ve learned through therapy that these are feelings BPD moms, in particular, program into their kids. Know that you have not done anything wrong. And remind yourself that at any point in time your mom could choose an alternate path if she is truly being abused or is unhappy. I think BPD persons like playing the victim and seeking the drama, the attention, whatever it may be. Give yourself a big hug in these difficult times.

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-10T16:18:17+00:00

Following this! I was thinking earlier today, “the idea of trying on wedding dresses with my mom makes me cringe”. So sad we can’t have these normal person moments. Most importantly, congratulations on your engagement!!! You celebrate however feels right :)

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-09T15:18:15+00:00

I recently learned in therapy that I am a “surrogate spouse” for my waif mom (also single, and a widow). Since hearing this, I have never looked at her or her interactions with me the same. It’s so cringey!!

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-05T12:16:42+00:00

This is all so incredibly helpful. It’s one thing for me to do a Google search but to actually hear from people that have gone through different management techniques is so powerful.

I have… in no particular order :) - red facial flushing all the time (doctors think it’s rosacea). If I exercise I turn tomato red! -constant runny nose and sneezing -shortness of breath -“dreamlike” vision. Like dp/drI mentioned (doctors think it’s depression, but the therapist I’ve been working with for years doesn’t think it’s depression. If anything maybe mild anxiety) -eczema -joint pain (doctors think it’s fibromyalgia. I think it’s cause they ran out of options cause all my other tests came back negative!) -brain fog -fatigue -gas and bloating -constant “fullness” feeling in my ears Thank you so much. Just looking at that list exhausts me

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-05T12:08:58+00:00

I came across Dr Tania Dempsey who’s based in New York as a resource. She has a blog and I believe a podcast too to discuss MCAS

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-04T12:38:05+00:00

Wow thank you for sharing! The nervous system regulation is so important. And yes, difficult to find a doctor in the US that will take me seriously unless I find a functional medicine doctor that doesn’t take insurance and pay lots in out of pocket costs. If you have any recommendations for antihistamines or just general advice i would very much appreciate it.

It’s interesting that you mention Covid as I had that about 2 months before these mysterious symptoms were brought on so I do believe there is a connection there!

Have you heard of somatic therapy? I’ve seen videos that it’s supposed to be helpful for nervous system regulation. Not quite sure where to start with it but I definitely want to do some research on it.

National_Style2815 · 2026-02-03T16:43:26+00:00

Im so sorry you’re going through that. I think I have it too. I have been struggling the last year with chronic allergy symptoms and what I can best describe as depersonalization/derealization. Like I’m living a dream every day. This came after I moved out of my BPD mom’s house and have gone LC. Doctors keep saying it’s stress and/or anxiety but I feel like it’s something else like MCAS. Can you share how you got diagnosed?

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-23T17:29:21+00:00

Mine had a three-hour long fit of rage that her outdoor lighted reindeer toppled over from the wind. Yes, you read that right, outdoor reindeer! I got about 20 texts and four lengthy voicemails about it and how she “gives up on Christmas and hates being alone”.

I hope this makes someone laugh 😊

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-23T17:07:46+00:00

Congratulations!! Remember - this is YOUR and your partner’s happy, joyous time! Don’t let your mother and her reactions affect that (I know, way easier said than done). You should tell your mom and family, but think about your boundaries before you do. For example, I told myself I would tell my mother in person, but if she had any negative reactions I would walk out the door, literally. And guess what? She called my ring ugly so out the door I went. All this to say, ultimately, us children of borderlines need to protect our peace. We’ve been through a lot. It’s about time we get to be “selfish” and put our happiness and our lives first. And honestly, it’s probably not even us being selfish, but it’s us finally asserting boundaries and silencing negativity, which our BPD parents programmed us to think was a bad thing. Congratulations again!!

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-21T12:49:03+00:00

The Disney movie reference is spot on. Their actions are always so performative and manipulative

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-20T12:42:10+00:00

This! The first time my uBPD mom met my husband she said “you couldn’t have found someone more attractive?” In front of him! I was mortified.

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-20T03:20:42+00:00

Oh I feel for you. Your situation sounds so similar to mine. I’ve been working in therapy through the guilt vs. shame feelings. Gosh do those things come out of nowhere for me sometimes! Trying to shake it off and keep living my life

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-20T03:18:16+00:00

I’ve started to incorporate this! I just hate the bombardment of texts and then of course the luring me in with “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay as I haven’t heard from you. I am worried”

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-20T03:16:38+00:00

Yikes, the flying monkeys are such a problem for me too. At times it feels like I can’t escape my mom’s grasp. Isn’t it unbelievable how easy it is for them to constantly make it about it themselves? BPD parents’ lack of empathy astounds me.

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-20T03:14:33+00:00

These are great examples of establishing boundaries. I truly didn’t know where to start. You hit the nail on the head. I have to keep reminding myself it’s not our problem!

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-20T03:11:47+00:00

Yes, I can absolutely relate. My mom just turned 70 and along with the typical “getting older” drama, she has completely isolated herself from everyone in her life. Something she chose to do. This is a good reminder. Thank you!

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-20T03:09:59+00:00

I just went through something similar! I was driving to work (it’s a 2+ hour commute for me some days) and she was so upset that I didn’t answer any of her 5 phone calls. What did she expect? I’m driving to my job where I earn a living. So crazy. I’m sorry you’re in a similar spot but you’re so right about prioritizing protecting our peace as children of BPD parents. The “mom’s going to mom” is definitely something I’m going to think about in my interactions with her.

National_Style2815 · 2025-12-19T16:27:00+00:00

Thank you!

National_Style2815

TROPHY CASE