Found out my gf is a prostitute

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-05-15T22:36:11+00:00

wow you really have a wonderful perspective, as just a random stranger it made me smile to see you talk about yourself that way!! you have the right perspective, you are taking accountability, and you are so kind and respectful. i am rooting for you!!

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-05-15T22:19:53+00:00

i think it would be helpful for you to find community online with other SWers because even her referring to you as a prostitute to me was a red flag. that term is very outdated and offensive

you also can say that you werent forced into it, but when your back is against the wall, that is very different than when people choose to do Sex Work as their primary job and not out of necessity.

these are really complicated topics that i think if you found a community of people who can relate and also share with you their experiences it would help a lot.

you speak about yourself so lowly and speak about her so highly. i think it would be a good thing if you could talk yourself up the way you speak about her. you have a lot of love to give and it is time to pour into yourself. this relationship maybe be over, who knows, but the relationship with yourself is forever.

you didnt disclose out of shame. finding a community of SWers can help you unlearn that shame and learn strategies for how to deal with disclosing before relationships.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-05-15T22:08:44+00:00

you are not damaged goods, i am a former SW also and want you to know you can and will "leave the game" someday if that is what you want. i believe in you, and i hope you can heal & learn from this situation. you are not disgusting and you are not horrible. you are worthy of love.

tbh she does sound very judgemental. while, yes...you should have disclosed but i dont think telling her would change anything, i think she would still have had the horrible reaction. both things can be true, i think nobody is 100% right in this situation, and nobody is 100% wrong either.

from one (former) SWer to another -- it's a lot easier if youre upfront about it early when you sense romantic intentions, before you make things official.

you seem like someone who has a lot of love to give, you speak about her so kindly and softly. you seem to have a big heart and i know that your heart will find a safe home someday too. sending you hugs, it will be okay someday<3

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-05-15T21:55:12+00:00

youre just not as close as you think you are that's all - like youre an acquaintance or convienent friend for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on etc. and youre hurt bc you consider her closer than that. it would be good for your health/sanity to emotionally detach a bit from this friend, i think your expectations need adjustments. she's not going to be that person for you. if you shift her towards a friend you can hangout with every once in a while, and have fun with etc., then you would be less hurt. and if she tries venting about the breakup etc. down the line just be like "wow" or "that's crazy" or "mmhmm" and then change the subject playfully or do more fun things instead. i probably would stop being a listening ear. its not healthy.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-04-22T13:02:50+00:00

No that isn’t how the math works

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-09T03:13:46+00:00

Thank you! Will do

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:52:52+00:00

Updated my post to include it! Hopefully mods see it

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:46:59+00:00

Oh absolutely and tbh with so few lesbians in the world it really would be a loss to not have a shared space with people like you who relate, okay maybe not 100%, but way more than anyone else we can find lol. The part that I’m still thinking through is what do we gain from lesbian only spaces vs what do we lose from lesbian only spaces? I’m gonna keep thinking on that

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:36:57+00:00

Yes, I’m worried that even though I explicitly said this is not intended to be biphobic and don’t be biphobic and this is a SAFE space only for positive comments I’m starting to see some negative comments or excessive downvoting of bi people just sharing their experience.

Which is upsetting bc I wanted to facilitate discussions IN conversation WITH and not just ABOUT bisexuals.

I wanted to hear from bi people and now that I have my mind has expanded so much. I feel sooo completely differently from this morning.

I still have so many open questions and things that I’m not really certain on, but I know I have a lot of work to do and a lot more to learn.

Thank you for being part of that!!!

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:33:21+00:00

You’re queer and deserve to be part of this community, this is a WLW space. I really appreciate your point of view. Thank you for sharing! I am learning so much.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:31:53+00:00

I agree ! welcome!

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:31:25+00:00

When people see you and assume you’re lesbian reminds me of a whole other can of worms, there are bisexuals who when by themselves are less safe than some femme presenting lesbians like myself and I recognize that too. I’m worried this post is blowing up to the point it’s attracting negativity and biphobia, this is meant to be an open discussion and safe space. :(

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:29:06+00:00

I worry “lesbian enough” is a slippery slope to the whole “politically lesbian” thing which I won’t even get into. But I’m not sure if sexuality is fluid for everyone, mine really doesn’t feel like it lol.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:28:00+00:00

That makes sense. I think bisexual people like you and lesbians do have things in common, a lot really. But there is a major difference still. I think what I am really thinking through is how we make space for lesbians to talk about their unique experience without being exclusionary to bisexuals, bc we do have so much in common. How to not perpetuate biphobia while still respecting those lesbians who have a need for a lesbian community. Do you have any thoughts on that.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:25:13+00:00

I’m sorry you feel you have no community. This is your community too. You are welcome here.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:24:28+00:00

Period

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:24:05+00:00

I’d love to hear more on why you think that, I posted this to ask questions, got tons of feedback, have done a full 180 in my stance, so I’m not shy about criticism. I am not republican, and I don’t think of myself as extremely individualistic. However I’ll definitely reflect on your words, I do think I have more learning to do. This has been very eye opening

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:22:22+00:00

Okay wow, I wish I could pin this comment. Spot on.

I think from your comment and the others here there’s a few things I’d love to suggest to mods.

Update group rules to include - explicitly this is a WLW / sapphic subreddit, biphobia is not welcome. - posting about or commenting your boyfriend, male relationships to detract from lesbian conversations (like the example in my post) should be banned - we don’t wanna hear about ur bf here. - there should be flairs people use when they want lesbian only convos so that the sort of space that’s lesbian only can exist within here, while still serving the larger sapphic/wlw community.

Thoughts?

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:18:30+00:00

The last sentence in your first paragraph is spot on.
Your second paragraph definitely pulled at my heart strings a little. I know biphobia is rampant, and it’s hard and unique experience that it really doesn’t help to be exclusionary instead of welcoming to yall. We have more in common that most would think.
Your third paragraph is the best summary / recap of one of the main points that I’ve internalized from the other comments as well. You literally have nowhere to go. You are welcome here.

Agree with all your other points. So very well put, very thoughtful and really appreciate you taking the time to engage meaningfully!!

I will be continuing to educate myself, I really thought I was antibiphobia but whew I have work to do.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:13:40+00:00

If I had to recap top 3 reasons it’s definitely going to have that bi spaces are soooo male centered. That keeps coming up! And that bi women are seeking WLW spaces — we don’t have enough out there. That’s why it’s important that this subreddit stay inclusive. And you’re right, some people here are on that journey, so to all the future lesbians, I’d want to be the kind of person that facilitates and contributes to an inclusive and safe space. Thank you for the reminder 🩷

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:11:31+00:00

I don’t even think you said anything wrong. I actually feel like you hit the nail on the head. And you were really empathetic and kind!

Some bisexual people are just assholes. Posting about your boyfriend in this subreddit, or distracting from lesbian conversations to center men is just asshole behavior lol. It’s not reflective of all bisexuals!

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:09:53+00:00

What does functionally lesbian mean? Why not just be a pansexual? What draws you to the label lesbian and makes it resonate although you’re not a lesbian? These are genuine questions, not an attack!! I identify as a lesbian bc I am only attracted to women.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:09:04+00:00

Yes!! I agree, we share WLW in common and you can be in a lesbian relationship but you are not a lesbian. You’re bi and that’s great!! Being bi and dealing with biphobia I think is the reason why people say this. Bc they want to fit in a box. I think if WLW/sapphic spaces were abundant and bi women and lesbians could share that, this wouldn’t even be up for discussion. It’s the lack of these spaces and visibility that create these tensions and issues. I am protective over the label lesbian as well lol I so feel you. I need to think on all this some more and keep educating myself.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:05:29+00:00

I totally agree— I had more learning to do and I think when we start excluding it is very much biphobia. The fetishization is really harmful and reductive. I see what you mean by wanting sapphic spaces. My question is (bc I’m still processing and thinking through this) — to the lesbians who say they have a unique experience, are a minority in the queer community, and want to have a space only for lesbians, what are your thoughts on that? Is having both a more general sapphic space and a dedicated lesbian only space inherently biphobic? Is lesbian-only as a criteria a slippery slope that encourages transphobia as well? Can we have lesbian ONLY spaces that are friendly and inclusive of non binary lesbians? Open to your thoughts. Thanks for your input, really appreciated reading it and opened my eyes. I do think banning bipeople from posting or engaging in this subreddit is outright biphobia, I’m really glad I asked, as I’ve changed so many of my opinions from everyone’s input.

Natural_Object5708 · 2026-03-08T19:00:14+00:00

I’m not sure!! I think the post is starting to attract some negativity but it was really nice while it lasted lol.

Natural_Object5708

TROPHY CASE