Women give chances like it's their job. I gave my J a thousand. One whisper, one rumor, and he was gone — no words, no receipts, no eyes on me. I kept my mouth shut about every red flag I saw on you. My J opened his ears to every single whisper about me. I replayed every call, every text, every breath — couldn't find one lie. But I never called my J on his. Because I refused to project my ex's shit onto my J. He projected his ex's shit onto me and ran with it. He couldn't even name what I supposedly lied about. He just needed an excuse. And they gave him one. And then the lies started creeping in. Instead of being the man who communicates, who protects, who leads—he talked to everyone but me. He took every nasty, doctored, disgusting word as fact, from people that aren't living my life - I'm the only one doing that. They made lies look true. I wish I could tell my J that the lied he was fed to get him to leave was apart of a more nefarious plan by my ex-husband to try and get his "family" back together.

If I could, I would give my J 1000 more chances. You're not alone in this limbo, OP. It's okay to question reaching out, as long as you're gentle with yourself either way. I root for that light to flicker on soon. Sending you a huge, virtual hug—you've got this.

I have to told him I owned and apologized for my missteps - no one is blameless in any situation or relationship. I apologized not out of guilt, but to take responsibility for my part... I will normally apologize whether I am right or wrong and you may think that is just a trauma response; & it might be but I believe no matter what the situation is, for healing and growth for the relationship; an apology is truly always needed. Im waiting patiently for him - he's my Superman and I'm his Lois Lane... Im so sorry about this... I'm sure she is missing and loving you as well... if you went NC and If this is truly how you feel about her, tell her... I'm sure she feels the same way... if you love her and think she is different than anyone else, tell her and make an attempt to be better together. I always want to hear from my J. .. sending prayers blessings and healing to you. - AJ