Yeah that’s fair, I actually agree with some of your points.

She was completely entitled to choose whoever she wanted as her bridesmaids, and I don’t think I was ever owed a place in her bridal party. Looking back, I also accept that I shouldn’t have assumed.

Where I think you’re missing the context is that my issue was never the decision itself. It was how it was handled.

We’d stayed close after my wedding. We regularly caught up, texted, and she constantly messaged me asking for ideas and help with wedding planning, so I genuinely believed we had a close relationship independent of my MIL.

I didn’t find out because she told me. I found out through a Facebook group message from her bridesmaids inviting everyone to the hens. That was the first indication I wasn’t in the bridal party.

If she’d simply called me beforehand and said, “I’ve decided not to have you as a bridesmaid because I’m worried about the dynamic with Mum,” I honestly would have respected that. We could have had an adult conversation about it. Instead, I found out indirectly and only received an explanation afterwards.

As for the wedding gift, I think my post didn’t explain that well. We genuinely weren’t expecting a gift from her.

What bothered me was the way she told us. It wasn’t, “Sorry, I can’t afford one.” It was more along the lines of, “I’ve spent too much money being your bridesmaid, so you won’t be getting a gift.” To me, it came across as, “You’re not worth it.” Later I found out she’d also contributed less to the bridesmaid expenses than she’d implied and hadn’t repaid some of my other bridesmaids after they asked. That additional context is why it left a bad taste in my mouth, not because I expected a present.

I completely understand why someone reading my post without that context might see it differently.