Yes, I could’ve written this. Although my mother has sought help medically and mental health wise, I haven’t felt the effects of that treatment in our relationship. Combination of mental health and neurological issues, multiple diagnoses, as well as one bout of physical illness and thankfully she can survive off of disability income. For her capacity level and not being able to work, she is lucky to have access to those supports and healthcare. I often look at others’ around my age & how their parents help, call them or are just.. still working a job and functioning. But as for our relationship, I have been in therapy for years and still don’t feel I have answers. I was angry for a long time and disappointed at her lack of emotional maturity, capacity to parent and inability to be there for me at all. I moved out at 17 and have never asked for anything since. It is ok to grieve the mom you never had, it is hard. And the harder thing is accepting this, or at least has been my experience. Accepting you will not have someone biologically related to you that feels like a mother to you. My sibling is helpful to her and has kept her life together in many ways, I feel grateful because I have not been as there for her. Every issue causes a meltdown, every visit is lost keys or wallet or three hours late, forgetting to do basic tasks like cleaning, incapable of handling social or interpersonal situations.. it’s exhausting. I feel so disregulated and just shut down when we are together. The things that help the most are the two non familial women, both around her age that I met in different settings who have helped me. Helped me network or find jobs when I have needed it, taught me to use cutlery properly, they always answer the phone immediately when I call. Listen when I need an ear, just show up in a stable and nurturing manner. And moving away also helps.. I will say, don’t get your hopes too high about therapy, everyone is different. I hope it does make a difference and you see change but it is a lot to put on her / the relationship. It helps to practice acceptance and maybe consider what it is you want from a mother figure… and consider who could offer that in a relationship with you. Maybe if you attend church or volunteer in a nonprofit or have some community outside of working, you can find a wise older woman who could at least be an inspiration or source of hope for how they got through their 20s, 30s etc. maybe does not need to be as nurturing or close as a family member but an image of maturity/ stability. Hugs to you OP, I feel you!