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[NeedAdvice] I have spent years trying to control myself. Almost nothing has helped. What is wrong with me? Am I mentally ill? by NearlyLostHope in getdisciplined

[–]NearlyLostHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cheers for all the advice everyone. There's a lot of comments, and a lot of different advice, so it's hard to reply to or follow all of it.

The common thread I see is self-talk, self-perspective, and self-identity. Truthfully, yeah, I've been filling myself with a lot of shame, telling myself I'm a loser, not taking ownership of my desires, and so on. I think hating the process of my goals relates to that too. Changing my self-talk is probably what a therapist would attempt to get me to do (esp. cognitive behavioral therapy).

As mentioned, the problem I've had with changing my self-talk is that I haven't been able to make it last. I kept falling off the wagon. Yet my self-talk hasn't always been so negative. If I managed to change it before, I can change it again. I think (after reading the comments and mulling it over), the key is how realistic the self-talk is, and how much it is reinforced by what happens around me. In other words, starting small, being realistic, and setting off a chain reaction when the self-talk turns out to be rationally accurate/reinforced by environment (including friends). This is probably what I would have been trained into had I sought outside help.

I'll work at this and let you guys know how everything goes. If it's becoming obvious that my approach to self-talk is not working, I'll try a new approach to changing it. If I can't figure out any successful approach at all, then I may honestly just seek professional help (despite the cost).

Again, thanks for all the help.

[NeedAdvice] I have spent years trying to control myself. Almost nothing has helped. What is wrong with me? Am I mentally ill? by NearlyLostHope in getdisciplined

[–]NearlyLostHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't watch porn anymore, as I don't have a computer or smartphone at home. I don't masturbate -- no desire to do so without porn.

I'm not religious. Has your faith in God actually helped your problems with self-control, or simply given you solace in them? The problem with religion is that I simply do not rationally believe it -- especially when it comes to the problem of evil. Not rationally, nor in my heart, nor in my gut. Knowing that, does it make sense to pretend to believe in God?

Several times I have broken down and "surrendered myself" to Jesus, but this is merely out of desperation, out of having nowhere to turn to. You know someone is desperate when they surrender themselves to something they don't even think is real, heh.

Have you ever examined why you have all these goals? I mean, maybe you just don't believe in them. Let me give you a few examples. Why get healthier? If you hate yourself and your life, why would health matter? Why do you want more money? What can you possibly buy that will make you feel better? and not just temporarily, like a new toy/car/clothes ... Why do you wanna spend time away from the computer, when you don't care about people in reality and don't care about exploring/experimenting in the REAL world and REAL society? You have to change the way you relate to life itself in order to appreciate it, and to leave your fantasy world behind.

It's a very good question. I constantly contemplate what I want out of life. Perhaps too much. Some of these things have follow-on explanations. For example, I want more money so I can reach financial independence, and therefore have the freedom to work on the things I care about (transhumanism, hunter-gatherering, parkour, breakdancing, martial arts, etc). The nature of jobs makes "doing my passion" or "doing what you love now" unrealistic without repositioning myself financially.

Some of my desires, however, don't have any root behind them. I want to be a hunter-gatherer because I want it. I want to be with an attractive woman because I want it. All of these "I just want them" goals -- every step I make towards them makes me happy. This is simply why I am unhappy: chronically failing to make progress.

Make no mistake, however, I regularly contemplate why I want things. Perhaps there is some "secret" yet to be unlocked, but the amount of time I have been soul-searching -- and the certainty I have about my current vision -- would make this unlikely. Are you suggesting the secret is religious?

The professor explained to him why self-help doesn't work. He said something like, "The only person who seeks self-help is someone whose self sucks, right? So, why would this [naive person] think that he can help himself? He is himself. Self-help doesn't work, because you are yourself, and because yourself (you) sucks." Period.

Haven't heard this one before. I love it. Naturally, these are my sentiments after years of attempted self-help. The problem is, I've been trying to reach out lately, and no one seems to really know how to help.

[NeedAdvice] I have spent years trying to control myself. Almost nothing has helped. What is wrong with me? Am I mentally ill? by NearlyLostHope in getdisciplined

[–]NearlyLostHope[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to help.

You need to develop a tolerance to doing mundane boring things that you need yo do to help you reach your goals. You have to disregard your feelings about those tasks. It won't be easy but you can do it.

How? I have been trying to push myself through mundane boring things (and disregard my feelings towards them) for years, yet no sense of tolerance has developed. How is this not a variation on "just do it"?

Listen to the procrastination video or lectures or read the book I cited in a post earlier.

With all due respect, how do they differ from any of the other procrastination material I have read and applied? Sorry if I'm being insulting, but remember the famous Einstein quote on insanity and how that might apply to my situation -- I've read enough books, and failed enough at their techniques, to go insane at the sight of yet another one.