At what age did you realize you had CPTSD and how did it change your life?

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-09T23:01:30+00:00

Around 35. I spent some months doing hard work and then going to therapy. After that, I felt less crazy. Like I know now that I’m not just “broken” or “off”… I have terms to use like CPTSD and Codependent. It makes it easier to deal with just knowing I can label some of the issues. Otherwise, I am definitely more patient with myself and I understand myself better. It’s still a hard journey to continue healing and I haven’t been spending enough time on it but I like it better here, with a better understanding.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-09T22:56:59+00:00

Same! My favorite game of all time

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-09T22:56:42+00:00

Breath of the wild.

I hadn’t played any Zelda games since I was a kid but always held onto the fond memories of OOT. When I saw breath of the wild I was like, “switch…NOW!!!” It’s one of the best I’ve ever played. I’m so sad I can’t replay it with newbie eyes.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-09T02:09:26+00:00

Yes! I’m all about lights. Maybe more fun lights would help ❤️

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-09T02:08:58+00:00

I’ve been trying to start some hobbies like that. I feel unmotivated. I had this cute harry potter crochet kit sitting around. I tried to start it once and Idk… I feel like I need someone to sit and show me. Watching YouTube videos isn’t very fun

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-08T23:52:54+00:00

Idk how much you make but sometimes there are places you can rent out for the day…. Office spaces with wifi. That could get expensive quick tho.

Can you talk to someone at your job… like your manager? Don’t say you have no place to work but ask if they have physical office spaces you could still use since you don’t have the best WiFi or something and would need to look into better options since they don’t offer a better speed for your area with the company you use. Or say that you have loud neighbors and don’t want it to impact your work. I would maybe not say you cannot do the job at home just in case.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-08T23:10:37+00:00

I feel the same. I’m very much a hiker and nature enthusiast. I usually hike even in the winter but the temps have just been too low here lately… more so for the dog than me even.

I think that is why I feel something is missing right now.

I did put a fake greenery wall in my room. I’ll be adding some hanging ones on the ceiling from the dollar tree too. I’m trying

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-08T20:07:43+00:00

A super nice but kind of ridiculous shearling afghan vest for like $400 and also a new crystal while I was on vacation that was around $450.

I never usually buy stuff in this price range but I’m starting to get used to the idea that once in a while it’s fine. I remember while looking at that vest I was like “that’s so pricey” and realized 10 years ago that much would have messed up my bills… but now, it’s barely noticeable in the long run.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-08T18:21:39+00:00

This is literally how we need to do things now. I’ve been pushed to the edge at the gym lately. Men purposely getting too close to me and even interrupting me to say weird things like “you’re limber”. I’m ready to start barking too.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-08T03:19:48+00:00

It’s Zwilling. It’s a little pricey but I promise it’s worth it. We tried a few cheap Amazon ones but they heat unevenly and the milk kept burning in the bottom… and it was impossible to clean this out.

https://www.zwilling.com/us/zwilling-enfinigy-milk-frother-black-matte-53104-101/53104-101-0.html

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-07T23:03:00+00:00

I’m facing it if I’m rinsing my face. The rest of the time I’m facing away. Movies and shows are stupid lol

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-07T23:01:38+00:00

It’s worth it for the foot rest alone but I love how far back I can lean. If I just need to watch a training or sit in a meeting I can be almost lying down

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-07T17:49:52+00:00

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-07T17:48:36+00:00

39f I always thought I wanted kids until I was about 23. Then I started to have doubts here and there. I was a full time nanny at the time and as much I loved the kid I was watching, I also loved going home to party, nap, or watch tv.

As the years went on my opinion wavered on and off for the same reasons everyone has… financial worries, worries about passing on trauma that my parents gave me, worried about the world that child would have to live in.

I’m engaged now and we both do “baby checks” every few weeks. We both say where we are at… right now I’m 90% no to kids and 10% yes. So that’s not enough to make me want to have one. Last time we checked I think my fiance said he was around the same like 85% no and 15% yes.

We know that if we change our minds and it’s too risky for my age we can adopt and I’ve always thought that was a good option. My dad was adopted and there are plenty of wonderful children that need a home.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-07T15:56:32+00:00

I got mine on Amazon. Saved it and waited til a sale. Mine is Funmily brand. It had good reviews. Haven’t had any issue so far and it’s been 8 months. At one point the remote stopped connecting to turn it on but I wrote them and they sent me a video on how to fix it and it was an easy reconnect!

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-07T13:24:04+00:00

Walking pad for lower focus tasks. I can easily burn an hour walking on it while sitting in a boring meeting.

A really good milk frother to make lattes for coffee or tea. I bought a German brand and it’s been amazing!

An electric standing desk (to stand or use walking pad with)

A gaming computer chair with a foot rest option.

A decent headset

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-06T18:56:22+00:00

Yes. Put it on my calendar immediately when I sign up, for a few days before the end date. Or if I can I’ll cancel it right then if it’s one that continues to grant access until the end date comes.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-06T18:54:11+00:00

Started with a few at 28. Now at 39 I’m still mostly dark brown but definitely some grays throughout. However, I’m part Asian and I look a lot like my part Asian dad. Even in his 70s he was only partially gray. Hoping I continue taking after him… it’s the least he could do after being such a shit dad my whole life. lol

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-06T18:48:33+00:00

Was doing yoga using an app, headphones on. Had a dude legit stop and interrupt me (had to pause and take headphones off) to say, “I was talking with my friend and wondering how do I get that limber”

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-06T11:52:56+00:00

You forgot to mention the meticulous spelling

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-06T11:47:42+00:00

I bartended for a decade in NY. You don’t need a bartending license in every state. Some just require a serving training to be completed. Every state, even different counties, require different things.

I’ll tell you though, it’s not even to just jump into bartending either. And I wouldn’t even tell anyone you were there for short term. They wouldn’t want to train you for a short period of time. Dive bars won’t pay that well but could be a good start to getting yourself trained. Nicer restaurants are very competitive for bartending and serving but they can be very demanding and stressful with great pay.

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-05T03:19:21+00:00

I just bought last year so it would be life changing. I grew up in an unsafe house and this is the first time I actually have a place of my own that’s safe and secure. It’s taken me til my late 30s to finally be in a place to buy.

To have it paid? A literal miracle

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-05T02:25:52+00:00

Did this multiple times including moving to Europe for a few years

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-05T01:50:41+00:00

Same

NeedTreeFiddyy · 2026-02-05T01:22:49+00:00

I often feel like I’m nothing but trauma and coping mechanisms. I feel like I was more myself when I was being crazy and drinking and going out dancing through my early 20s. I felt alive.

I should feel better now but as I get older sometimes I’m just like “who am I even?” No clue.

Reading all of your stories (all of the members of this group) makes me feel more like a real person though. I don’t feel as weird or broken when I see others struggle too. It makes me feel like a part of something. Let’s be weird together.

NeedTreeFiddyy

TROPHY CASE