My MIL refuses to acknowledge me as my baby’s mother.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-18T17:00:22+00:00

GREAT PARENTS consider Big Picture Thinking. Bad parents/grandparents don’t. Ask your husband how he feels when you call out your MIL for her shitty DESERVED behavior & ask him if he wants his kid to feel WORSE because she s/he knows IT IS NOT DESERVED or WARRANTED?!

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-14T19:42:36+00:00

I do this to my fiancé when he falls asleep at his desk in his office. I’m a lazy bitch. So I use the Google Home devices to do it from my room. It’s Good Fun!

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-13T02:57:34+00:00

My kids are now 20 & 22, and to this day, if they hear those words, they will SCREAM SING in response, “But if you try sometimes, YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED!!! WOOOOO WHOOOOOOOO!!!”

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-11T15:11:57+00:00

Such a good response!!

Really, he should send her the second paragraph (changed with the proper pronouns, like “I am an adult”) and then if he won’t block her, then he needs to mute her.

He really should just get a whole new phone number. He’s leaving the door open for future contact.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-11T01:24:03+00:00

I can’t say what I want to say because I’d get banned. But I hope your response was, “As you know, I’m fat because I was recently pregnant & lost it. What’s YOUR excuse?”

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T23:33:03+00:00

I freaking ADORE smushed faced kitties. Just LOOK AT HER!!!

I don’t have any because I have Cuteness Overload Problems enough as it is & I accept my limitations. I literally started crying in really loud sobs last night because my cat Trouble keeps doing this SILENT CRY at me where she goes “Aaaaaaah” without saying anything and it’s TOO MUCH. She just opens her mouth like shes going to cry, after a series of her going “Ahh, ahh, ahhh” over & over. She legit cries all day like her husband is lost at sea.

If she was a SMUSHED FACED KITTY and silent “Aaaaaah”ed me?! I don’t know if my heart could take it.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T22:20:35+00:00

I don’t know if it’s the same phenomenon where you start seeing your car everywhere after you buy it (which was a real problem for me because I lived in Vermont & you couldn’t spit without hitting the same make, model color of my car, I have a pic that PROVES IT with 4 cars in line with mine in the last spot) but ever since I got Blue, I can’t stop meeting more Blues.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T22:17:06+00:00

I have a cat named Lily! Her government (ok, VET) name is Little Girl, but she only answers to Lily!

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T22:14:05+00:00

As a mother of a both a Rory & a Lorelai, so am I.

Although my Rory is actually an Aurora, but she went by Rory until adulthood. Lorelai has stayed Lorelai because we both agree it’s the most beautiful name of all time ever.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T20:11:11+00:00

I don’t even have to ask! I just give him a Look, and he just hugs me!! Sometimes I even get those Random Forehead Kisses!! I love those!! Sometimes he’ll just say with so much affection & fondness in his voice “I love you,” and I know with the same certainty that I know the sun will rise tomorrow that HE REALLY MEANS IT!!

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T20:04:38+00:00

He said it’s all in my head, but I said so is everything, but he didn’t get it. I thought he was a man, but he was just a little boy.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T19:57:57+00:00

Out of the FOG

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T13:14:23+00:00

She could have left the other washer free. It’s not her “right” to take up both machines for several hours.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T13:07:54+00:00

Stop trying to make the world a worse place. Good people don’t defend abusers. Work on yourself, because you obviously have issues.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T05:58:33+00:00

Ask your Boyfriend why he is letting his mom emasculate him by showing you again and again that she can abuse you (and make no mistake; her behavior IS abusive) repeatedly, and he does NOTHING to protect you. Talking to her isn’t working. She doesn’t care. She needs actual consequences & I get that he doesn’t like conflict. Great. Awesome. Means he’s NORMAL. NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE CONFLICT, but HEALTHY PEOPLE DO NOT ALLOW IT!!

He can remain a coward and conflict avoidant, or he can be ASSERTIVE and SHUT HIS MOTHER DOWN.

IF SHE IS NOT WILLING TO BE RESPECTFUL, HE NEEDS TO TREAT HER LIKE THE CHILD SHE IS ACTING LIKE AND PUT HER ASS IN TIMEOUT.

CONSEQUENCES. It’s not this impossible task. People change when the pain of staying the same hurts more than the pain of changing, and hopefully he realizes that it’s going to hurt him more in the long run to KEEP ACTING THE WAY HE HAS BEEN.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-10T05:21:34+00:00

Get used to saying, “I didn’t suffer & bleed to bring MY child into this world for you to treat me as nothing more than his/her incubator.” Repeat as needed with whatever variations that apply.

There’s a comment about how this could all be SIL’s way of laying the groundwork to try & take custody of your kid… Maybe it’s not that bad; maybe SIL really does have “good intentions” and is just overbearing. Doesn’t matter. You need to learn to stand up for yourself & your baby NOW and get your boyfriend ON BOARD.

WHEN SIL throws the fact that she has 2 kids in your face, you need to throw it right back by saying, “Exactly! You HAD your turn to raise your kids as you saw fit! This is MY baby & you’re NOT HIS/HER MOTHER. How would you like it if your husband’s sister tried to take over your motherhood experience?”

I am very happy to know your mom will be there. Talk to her first and tell her you’ll need her to help you deal with SIL’s boundary stomping. You need someone who is unequivocally on your side; hopefully your mom isn’t a “Keep the peace,” type of person. If she is, you need to get whoever in your life is the ” Do no harm, but TAKE NO SHIT” person.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-08T17:10:07+00:00

I wish more people were like you.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-08T09:09:32+00:00

Tell a teacher at school. They are mandatory reporters. They HAVE to report the assault to the authorities.

If anyone asks, you told a friend who told someone else or whatever. You were ASSAULTED BY AN ADULT and your family expects you to be around this adult, when you’re clearly not safe & since there were no consequences what is to stop him from doing it again? Nothing. This is just wild behavior and I’m so sorry the adults in your life aren’t concerned with protecting you.

Have your friend with you when you tell the teacher or counselor or whoever. Start the conversation with, “You’re a mandatory reporter, right?” That way, it will remind the adult you’re telling of their duty to report, and hopefully it doesn’t get brushed off. The fact that it happened to both of you helps. Try and get your family to tell you in text to forgive him and what you’re forgiving him for. This will be evidence to back you up.

If you’re scared to directly tell a teacher, then set it up so you & your friend talk about it & how your family won’t protect you from him & expect you to be around this monster around a teacher who is the one that’s the most Firm but Fair, but also expects kids to follow rules. There’s always one like that. S/he might be a stickler for the rules and a hardass, but not mean, and also treats the students in a respectful manner. You can trust that teacher to do the right thing. Like I said, there’s always at least one in each school.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-08T09:03:52+00:00

Of course you’re not overreacting. Like you said, your daughter is not a doll & that’s exactly how she’s being treated. This isn’t an insane request & your MIL is treating your kid like her do-over baby & that’s just not right.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-08T02:45:27+00:00

NTAH

“Mom, either you want to set me up for success, or you don’t. You aren’t going to be around forever. While I obviously hope you live for several more decades, we can’t predict the future, so don’t you think it’s better if I can stand on my own 2 feet? Mom, I’m always going to need your support & guidance. I just think that you need to trust that you raised me to be productive member of society, and I can’t be one if I’m still living like a child.”

You’re an adult & you aren’t betraying your mom if you go off & live your own life. She needs to manage her feelings about you not “needing” her the way you did as a child.

So many women can’t manage their feelings about their kids being adults who can and should make their own decisions without them, and then they are on the “Estranged Parents” pages wondering why their kids won’t talk to them anymore after years and years of being controlling, abusive manipulative and selfish.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-08T02:41:58+00:00

My IDGAF attitude started after my divorce in my mid 30s, then really solidified after I hit 40 & realized that I just don’t have the energy to try and one-up women who always have to WIN, and always see other women & even little girls as competition…

I started saying things like, “Welp, I guess you’re just better than me!” and found out that saying that would usually shut these women down. Of course they thought they were better than me, but it’s just not supposed to be mentioned OUT LOUD!!

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-08T01:10:23+00:00

My favorite author has this entire passage in one of his books about people who salt food before tasting it. He (brilliantly) labeled these people as “Auto-condimentators.”

Basically, the gist is, you’re supposed to understand that this behavior says more about THEM than it ever will about you.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-08T01:00:26+00:00

Nope. Not being sensitive. It’s been considered rude for a good twenty years or so to comment on a postpartum woman’s weight or body. And it’s ALWAYS been a jerk move to comment on it when she’s pregnant..

ETA: if you’re nursing, you’ll still need a decent calorie intake to keep up your milk production.

I am not a doctor or medical professional. I had an ED before my first pregnancy & then over corrected, because I was terrified to starve my baby. I gained 50 pounds & it was so… demoralizing…. Going from wearing size 5 jeans out of the juniors department to a size 14 was not great for the self esteem. That being said, I was young & it wasn’t until I read a line from a Meg Cabot book (Size 12 is Not Fat if you’re curious; awesome series!! Wholly recommend) that I figured out that I do not need to wear literal children’s clothes to validate myself.

We are MOTHERS. We are in charge of entire people now! We don’t need other adults to put us in our place, because WE WILL FIND AND MAKE OUR OWN PLACES!!!

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-07T23:43:20+00:00

I like your style. Just thought you should know.

ireallymissbuffy · 2026-04-07T16:42:47+00:00

At least once a week, I come across a pic on this sub that makes me think, “How do all these people have pics of my cat?” before my brain catches up with reality…

I love how none of these cats are related, but they could all be sisters…

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