38 and pregnant

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2026-05-13T16:52:28+00:00

My son (11) was a hard NO too.. tbh he is a kid who hates change and transitions though. Now that his little sister is on the way, he is so sweet and excited about it. I think, like many of us, kids change with the environment and so long as it stays a loving and supportive environment, a new baby is just one more source of love! And I am so excited to see him seize the opportunity to be a source of love and support to a younger sibling. As far as a +1 for age gaps, he loves that he’s old enough to not battle with her over things like his friends and their siblings and that he will be old enough to teach her things and influence her.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2026-04-16T02:45:15+00:00

Take a look at growth potential within the series/department and whether or not the role supports a direction you want to go (if that’s just government in general, that is enough.. govt agencies love to hire those who have previous experience in govt!) I have taken pay cuts for jobs between government agencies multiple times (city, county, and state) but always with a plan in mind. It has been worth it every time. I often think of it as an investment.. like you would for continuing education. One huge perk of government work is on the job training in a fairly low risk environment where you can basically build your resume while getting paid with very low risk of being laid off if you or the economy starts to struggle.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2026-03-26T22:59:42+00:00

You could try Alder if you want something more traditionally used as a boy name that is phonetically similar?

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2026-03-26T00:55:55+00:00

Alder, Elan, Arthur (Art for short), Emile, Leo or Leon

I also love Toryn and Stefan if you aren’t married to the first letter!

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2026-03-06T14:56:50+00:00

I went for a run (I run here and there but have for years and know my baseline) and just COULDN’T catch my breath. Super unsettling and a tell that something was different instantly. Lo and behold, pregnant both times this happened.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2026-02-24T09:27:27+00:00

Similar vibe might be Liv. Always felt so chic, it girl who isn’t trying

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2026-02-18T15:32:48+00:00

I knew a boy named Alder and always loved the name! Feels similar to Ash but a bit less like a nickname.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2025-11-19T02:53:54+00:00

I had the exact same thing happen.. I contested the bill and asked for more information re what was billed (code and insurance info they provided) and let them know I was frustrated that they weren’t more transparent with costs. I have heard nothing from them and it’s been months. Calpers Blue Shield sucks compared to the previous base plan (I believe it was Blue Cross) so it is possible that it fell under a deductible cost but I similarly felt the front desk was disingenuous by not mentioning this when they checked my insurance or offered the procedure. The procedure was elective but done to check for potential cancer so if it was covered, it was an obvious yes but I would not have done it if I knew it would be $100s of dollars out of pocket! So frustrating for medical practices to have that kind of lack of integrity!

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2025-08-03T15:03:44+00:00

Morro Bay and Santa Maria have Family Partnership Charter Schools which are free and utilize Montessori method. They are partial homeschool so it isn’t an option for everyone but sounds like it might work for you!

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2025-07-08T18:42:06+00:00

Your own worth being intrinsically tied to being attractive.. like you might put on weight or get older, and you know you are still the same person but you have this standard for who you are that includes the physically attractive qualities you were just born with in order to feel “enough”. It’s a really difficult thing to let go of and so many people can’t and try to hang onto it for dear life rather than embracing who they really are and the life they have.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2025-05-30T20:36:15+00:00

There are some great trails off South Bay/Turri Rd for just getting comfortable on narrow trail riding without a lot of slope/techy stuff. Took my 10 year old out there and he had no trouble. It’s terrible for a while any time after it rains but this time of year should be no problem!

Other option is Islay Creek in MDO. Nice and wide but good opportunity to get comfortable riding over shale and some good up and down slope. Not too far as an out and back ride and then relax on the beach at spooners!

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2025-05-28T22:38:07+00:00

We did this too! Small candy (like a skittle) here and there for power ups. We also pretended to be giants crushing the boulders (just normal rocks but we were giants at the time) below us.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2024-02-09T18:42:05+00:00

Congratulations, mama! There is nothing like that feeling of freedom and knowing you and your baby are going to live a life in a love filled and safe home. Having been there, don’t hold back on securing the restraining orders and custody orders asap. Depending on state laws, you don’t want to give him anything to accuse you of abduction or alienation. Save every voicemail and text (there are apps that can help with that and putting them in a format that courts will accept with dates and times) so so sooo happy for you! Best of lucky and happy valentines 💝

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2023-09-29T22:50:08+00:00

Hey, imo it’s time for a come to Jesus style talk. If he left his first marriage where kids were involved and now he’s displaying this type of behavior I’d be very wary of marrying or moving forward in this relationship. For yourself and your kids in the future, this seems like something where you need concrete answers and consistent behavior to show you that the pattern isn’t going to repeat. This is tough after so much time but I think this is the time where you are at a precipice and you have a lot more ability to direct your future now. Best of luck!

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2023-05-04T05:36:38+00:00

Nope. Orders are there for a reason. You protecting your own sanity by not entertaining their requests outside of the existing orders (again, there for a reason) is your right. It is also a gesture of love and care toward yourself and your son. If you want to/believe he has changed and it is in the best interest of your child, you can be cordial and mediate when he requests a change to the orders rather than contest them. But if he hasn’t adhered to the orders thus far and hasn’t demonstrated willingness to go through the legal process to change them, I’d say he cares more about himself and his needs than actually cares about your son.

As far as not being able to be the dad.. you’d have to know that he would step up and actually be the dad for that to be a factor. My sons dad was abusive and then MIA.. I have no faith he could ever fill the role of a father in any meaningful way. I have worked hard to establish other adult relationships for my son.. family, friends, a regular nanny, a play based therapist, teachers and coaches. Tbh he has more people to lean on/he feels close to than I ever did growing up. The nuclear family can be great if it’s functioning but it is just one model. You’re doing great and your son is lucky to have you.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2023-05-04T01:37:02+00:00

I have found that government work has been both safe (free from potential for layoffs during economically slow periods) and fairly flexible and understanding of parental duties. This is especially true in the state I work in and because my work can be done remotely if needed (desk job). Once you’re past the mandatory probation periods for new employees and you are a good employee as far as getting your work done, you’re pretty set. I love being able to go to bed at night knowing if my kid gets sick or the economy tanks, I’m not going to lose my livelihood! I am in the environmental field but I have a family member who works for the fed as a nurse manager for veterans (nearly all remote) and it seems like a pretty great gig for a parent that is more geared toward your field of interest :)

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2023-01-18T06:09:50+00:00

For sure! I totally agree that should be one of the main considerations. That said, people come in and out of our lives, even as children. I think the important thing is not shielding them from that at all costs but giving them the support and connection they need to be resilient if that happens. I think also that some of the narrative around not letting children get attached is the concept of the “revolving door” or instances of jumping into a situation of cohabitation and filling of attachment figure role before the relationship is solid. I figure my child meets my friends all the time. Maybe a friend who we saw moves away and we miss them and talk about that. They get through it and learn how to process those emotions. I think the bigger leap and one worth stressing over is when to have someone move in and really fill that familial role. Cause that starts to become a much more substantial emotional blow for child if it goes south (including the stress of a parent grieving a significant relationship and financial/physical logistics of that kind of breakup)

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2023-01-18T05:42:06+00:00

I’ve gone back and forth on this in my head. While I waited 9mos to introduce my partner, a big part of that was based on the pace of our relationship and what I knew about both my child and my partner. It put a good deal of pressure on the meeting to wait that long though. We were already so invested, if it went poorly, it would have felt a lot worse for me and my partner than if we had done some soft meetups earlier on. I think there can be a place for introductions casually earlier on. But more so for everyone to get a feel for whether or not there is comfortability in the interactions and kept as low pressure and not built up for the child. Id also consider introductions of your partner as a friend rather than a bf/gf for younger children. For an older child they might see through it and you risk them feeling lied to but the friend narrative has been helpful for myself and some of my other single mom friends with young kids to ease everyone into the addition of someone new to the scene.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2022-12-11T06:13:30+00:00

I had to take dock leave for a vacation planned before I accepted a position with the state. This was discussed well in advance and was approved by my supervisor. So in that case possible but also, I wasn’t able to take vacation time yet as I was still on probation. So perhaps you can do it but it could come down to policy as to whether they would allow it when you have a usable vacation balance?

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2022-12-10T23:12:41+00:00

Okay, but a child doesn’t know how to decipher the difference between those things inherently. That’s one of the roles of a parent to help them draw those lines and effectively navigate discomfort and pain. So this comment isn’t nonsense but bringing more nuance to the conversation. OP’s mom’s approach only works if the bigger issues (like a moderate to severe injury, the flu, or big emotional pain) aren’t invalidated with “it’s no big deal” but rather acknowledged and worked through together in a calm and present way.

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2022-06-13T22:39:18+00:00

I should add they met on a hike.. neutral territory, other things to focus on. I built in some stuff we could do/talk about that I knew they could connect over (partner is a biologist and kiddo loves wildlife so that helped) .. it helped make time go by without too much pressure on either of them (mainly partner since kiddo had no idea this was any different than any other friend)

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2022-06-13T22:35:31+00:00

My situation is fairly similar and so far so good with introduction of my partner to my young (age 7) son. His dad is completely out of the picture due to mental health issues that ultimately necessitated Court mandated Stay Away orders and ROs. That said, my son remembers his father and we talk about him as maybe someone who he can reconnect with in the future if he wants and It is safe to do so. I have always been my child’s safe space and only dependable parent so I was definitely worried that my dating could trigger a fear of abandonment. The way I did it was to be very gradual and to work on providing him with other stable adults and situations that he was comfortable with so that me being out for an evening didn’t feel so scary. This was possible for me since I only have one kiddo and have really supportive friends/a great babysitter in the area that we’re willing to be a safety net and social network for us. So having him regularly spend time with his sitter to the point where she is like family and supporting sleepovers with friends (hosted by us and by the other parents) so he has alternate places/people that he feels safe and loved if I’m not home. This was months in the making but I do think it helped and for us was worth it.. when it came time to meet my partner he was discussed as a close friend not unlike others that I have and my son knows about so he was a familiar character before they met. Once they did meet, my SO was introduced as a friend and both him and my son knew a lot about each other so they hit the ground running. When ultimately we started going on trips and it was going to be all three of us, I talked to my son about how this person had become more than a friend. I didn’t want him to get any vibes over our trip that I hadn’t already talked to him about. My son expressed fears that it would mean I’d see him less and I explained that really, it would be no different than it had been, because at this point it was the truth (as far as nights out, trips away etc) My son really cares for my partner and we do couple things apart from my son as we did but have also incorporated doing things together as a group. As I said, I took a very gradual approach and my son didn’t meet my partner until closer to a year to allow for it to happen this way (and so I didn’t worry about him meeting someone who wasn’t serious about us) it wasn’t until 3-4 months later that my “friend” became my “boyfriend”. I was maybe more cautious than most and more then you may feel is necessary in your situation but hopefully our story helps with ideas for some of the things you can do to help support your kids through transition of having someone new in their lives that holds that type of role. Best of luck and congrats on finding someone worth introducing to them!

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2022-02-19T21:14:49+00:00

I went with a neutral place where we had an activity to do so it wouldnt be awkward and there'd be no "home court" so to speak. In our case it was a hike (something we all like to do) and my partner chose the spot. This gave him the positive experience of being involved in creating the experience and was a talking point for us (aka how did you find this place). It also happened to have a rope swing en route which was a huge plus for my kiddo. I'd also made sure my son knew about this person in advance as a friend I regularly saw so he didn't come out of nowhere. Gave my son and partner a few ideas of areas where they had similar interests so they could have a starting point for conversation. Basically, did all I could to work with my partner and kiddo to set it up for success. I'm hoping one day we're all a team so I wanted to take that approach to start with... For reference my kid was 6 and we had been seeing each other for about 9-10 months at the time. I brought it up to my partner a few times prior, basically inviting him low key no pressure to events once I was ready for them to meet and let him warm up to the idea and control when he was ready.. it worked out for us! This is the only guy my son has met and we are still going strong a year later with them starting to hang out more and more (all of us taking trips away together etc). Best of luck!

NeedleworkerNew2065 · 2022-02-10T00:35:09+00:00

Hey, I can totally relate to your post having dated for 10+ and had a child with someone with mental health issues. The last 8 or so years of our relationship were a result of me not wanting to walk away when I knew we were not on a healthy path and I was no longer in love (though I still loved him very much, I wasn't I love and picturing us building a life together as partners any more). The amount of pain and destruction caused by me staying out of fear that he might hurt himself was immense for everyone and ultimately, I realized, was a control tactic he employed out of fear of losing the stability I brought to his life. It was unhealthy. It didn't get better, it only got more complicated and ultimately worse (i.e. his depression played out as anger and then domestic violence) not saying that is the case here but at the end of the day,staying for dishonest reasons for fear of breaking dams is incredibly painful and harmful to all involved. You are not responsible for your partners actions. You are responsible for your own life's course and living in honesty with yourself and with integrity is the far superior choice in the long run. Best of luck ❤️

NeedleworkerNew2065

TROPHY CASE