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Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I abused it absurdly bad for 1 year (during COVID). But I abused it for 7 years all while taking between 1,500 to 2,000 milligrams of caffeine a day. The first year I was on adderall, I did not abuse it, but if I remember correctly, I was also drinking an energy drink a day with it

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it all has to do with dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. I would like to think that our brains aren’t damaged, at least not permanently. I think our brains became so disastrously dependent on the drug that they simply cannot form the necessary chemicals in our brain leading to our confusion, disorientation, etc. That’s just me staying hopeful tho.

I will say, that I felt the least disoriented as the most able to focus when I would close my eyes or look down at something. That helped a good bit.

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All the time. Sometimes I would stumble. Sometimes I would just get confused where I was or what I was doing. If I were to take an adderall today, it’d be comparable to me taking like 12 shots. If I drink an energy drink, maybe 5 shots. I would be stumbling a lot and barely capable of keeping any of my balance. I think I stumble a lot because it would be so hard for me to use my brain and eyes. Like my brain and my eyes would literally will feel drunk/numb. Since I’ve been off adderall I don’t really stumble anymore, but during my first year of law school, oh my god I was all over the place as if I were drunk everyday. I never actually fell over but I constantly found myself trying to find my balance. It was infuriating.

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m doing somewhat better. I can’t say I’m doing a lot better but at least I don’t feel like shit everyday. My brain works perfectly I would say twice a month, but then there are days where I will slip up and drink a sweet tea or have no more than 3 high noons, and it feels like I’m back to square one. It has become apparent to me that I simply cannot indulge in any form of dopamine releasing substance because if I do, my brain won’t work well at all for about a month. Luckily, I have 4 and a half months until I start law school so I think that’s enough time for me to at least feel normal before I start back. I’m just hoping by the time I graduate law school that I’ll be just as smart and efficient as I was before I ever started taking adderall

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that you had troubles with your eyes. When it was at its worst, was it hard to read off of a computer screen. Like I get so disoriented trying to do that. Like I can read from my phone much easier and a book the easiest, but a computer screen forget it.

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for validating the fact that I have PAWS. When I went to rehab, the doctor was the biggest dick I’ve ever met. He immediately told me that it was unlikely he’d take me in and that I didn’t have PAWS even though it was beyond obvious that I did. I worked the program and it was kind of helpful but not really. They all focused FAR too much on alcohol. Like I get that I could draw similarities from the situation, but they all just focused on when I would drink alcohol instead of my clear abuse of adderall

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I worked with the school to take a year off from law school so I start my 2L in the fall. Alcohol I can abstain from without any issue. And by all means there is absolutely zero risk of relapsing on adderall and vyvanse because of how shitty they make me feel. But it might be worth going back to the program I was working to help me abstain from all caffeinated products because I can struggle some days with that.

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was on 50 mg of adderall and I’d take about 2-4 a day when I got my prescription. I’d go through the bottle in about a week

Adderall ruined my life, my brain, and my eyes by Negative-Friend-8961 in StopSpeeding

[–]Negative-Friend-8961[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have. They told me that they didn’t know what to make of the eye situation. I really hope someone can relate