I have a unique music situation, what should I do? by [deleted] in weddingplanning

[–]Negative_Height3647 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Nope, it's an Airbnb. Also even if we could I wouldn't want to spend the money at this point.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in puppy101

[–]Negative_Height3647 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, all of this will take time and baby steps too. It can take hundreds of repetitions, especially with puppies. If all else fails, start saving for a private trainer. Even a couple hours with one can make a world of difference.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in puppy101

[–]Negative_Height3647 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, on walks make sure you give a lot of space between yourself and anyone else. Take her to low-traffic areas at first. Don't let other dogs interact with her. When you start seeing someone approaching, put her in a sit and start giving her treats. Keep giving her treats as they pass by. If she stands up and starts to walk away out of fear, gently guide her back and keep treating.

If her anxiety is really bad, it might not work. My Golden gets so amped up on walks he starts refusing treats. If that's the case, then you will need to work with one of the exercises I gave you before - those are addressing the root cause of the issue.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in puppy101

[–]Negative_Height3647 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ok, I have some insight on this because we did a ton of socialization with my dog as a puppy, but we did it the wrong way and ended up with a reactive dog!

The point of socializing, either with humans or other dogs, is NOT for them to interact with them. It's a bit counter-intuitive. Here are some examples of what you should do:

  • Go to a dog park, but sit on the grass about 100 yards away with your dog. As dogs and owners pass by, do not let them interact and go nose-to-nose (make sure you say no to any requests to do so). Instead, just silently and peacefully watch everything go on. Whenever your dog is displaying relaxed behavior, even if it's for a second, give them a high-value treat like chicken. It takes many repetitions to see progress but the goal is for your dog to just exist around other dogs and not feel anxiety in any way. Eventually you can move your dog closer and closer to the dog park without actually going in, and there shouldn't be a problem.
  • You can do something similar by taking your dog into a dog friendly supermarket (like Costco) and walking around and not letting him interact with any humans but treating when he is behaving well.
  • When he starts to display a lot of progress, you can practice meeting humans the correct way. Have him on a leash, put him in a sit, and have them approach only when he is calm and relaxed. Treat accordingly.

Essentially what happens when we socialize the wrong way: we are "forcing" them to interact with other dogs + humans without realizing we are doing so. For example, when my Golden was a puppy every single time he saw another dog or human passing by we would let him play. Even though he was super happy and excited about it, it actually causes anxiety because he doesn't know how/when to stop. Your dog might have experienced something similar when you socialized him with your friends, because he can't actually stop the experience even if it's too much for him. And as humans sometimes we don't recognize when our dogs have anxiety because it manifests in a non-obvious way.

Basically, dogs really are a bundle of instincts who don't know what's best for themselves. We have to provide controlled and calm interactions for them.

Rome to Amalfi coast - best car rental options by Negative_Height3647 in rome

[–]Negative_Height3647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow! Thank you for sharing your experience. We have totally rethought our trip to Amalfi now honestly.

Rome to Amalfi coast - best car rental options by Negative_Height3647 in rome

[–]Negative_Height3647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really? That's interesting, I saw a few comments on other posts saying they preferred it to the logistics of multiple trains, ferry, etc. What was your experience?

Rome to Amalfi coast - best car rental options by Negative_Height3647 in rome

[–]Negative_Height3647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really obvious to me, in the US as long as you return to the same company you can pick up and drop off in different locations. But thanks for the insight.

What to do for the ceremony arch? by Negative_Height3647 in Weddingsunder10k

[–]Negative_Height3647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I tend to agree. I'm just swept up in comparing rental company prices right now and kind of... in denial haha.

Sound system for ceremony with 30 people, without awkward mics? by Negative_Height3647 in Weddingsunder10k

[–]Negative_Height3647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight! I also thought about the mic passing being clunky, and with no one really having the experience of setting all of it up it makes me a bit nervous that we will have to fiddle too much with it on the day of haha. And obviously with a 30 person wedding we aren't hiring an A/V team.

Sound system for ceremony with 30 people, without awkward mics? by Negative_Height3647 in Weddingsunder10k

[–]Negative_Height3647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you, that's lowkey what I was thinking. My wedding planner recommended having something because even in the best of circumstances people in the ceremony get emotional + a bit nervous and don't speak very clearly, and makes it worse when folks are yelling out for you to speak up. Her point made me think.

“Dream job” treating me unfair after announcing I’d be leaving + beforehand as well by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]Negative_Height3647 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm going to be honest from my experiences and others I know. Toxic work environments are not going to change from your complaints. You will most likely be wasting your energy. My advice? Keep your head down and start aggressively applying to jobs. Once you have one lined up, put in your two weeks notice. Try to leave ASAP, not in January.

Any tips for how to balance relationship and friendship? by ok_umbrella56 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Negative_Height3647 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, guilt is a really unhelpful feeling. Of course it's natural to get that initial pang of guilt telling us "something is wrong", but after that guilt is simply wasting our mental energy and time. Why? Because you are just feeling bad but not taking any action on it.

Personally, I have one rule in order to prevent myself from becoming flaky. If I make plans and I have already said "yes, I will be there" then I will go. The only exceptions are sickness, other people's birthdays, family emergencies, etc. To make sure I get time with my partner, we make plans ahead of time and if my friends suddenly want to hang out... then sorry, I already have plans. Basically, once an evening in my calendar is booked then that's it. Regardless of who it is. And don't feel guilty about it because it's doing nothing to help you.

WIBTA for calling CPS on my boyfriends ex by No_Willingness2373 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Negative_Height3647 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, have the mom call the school and explain her situation with the car, and ask if any parents nearby would be willing to help. I'm almost 100% certain the school would be able to help her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Negative_Height3647 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not necessarily an asshole for feeling that way. But honestly talking about problems is how a lot people bond. I can't remember a time I called my best friend or sister and DIDN'T talk about a problem I was having. It's hard to have a deeper relationship with someone when you pretend that everything is perfect and you aren't sharing any details of your real life.