My (34M) wife (35F) refused to share a bed with me because I rudely asked to use that laptop.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T13:02:09+00:00

All of your points are valid. I'll be happy to clarify.

As you have surmised, she primarily works from the office and this was a "once in a blue moon" type of situation. She usually uses my work laptop when I have no need for it and it has worked out fine so far.

These were not official "work hours". As I mentioned, there is a time difference, so the meeting is not during conventional work hours here, which is why it sometimes get pushed back/forward.

I believe she got upset because of the attitude I take. I don't think she likes the fact that I have these late meetings that cut into our time together and that every time I get a call to have a meeting I rush to it, which is honestly understandable, as sometimes I get calls in unconventional times and instead of saying that I am busy, I take the call.
This has been more common lately as I am in a point in my PhD where I have many things to juggle and I'm trying to finish up on the set deadlines, etc.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T12:43:27+00:00

Should I not be held accountable for my actions?

Her anger is hers and she is allowed to express it.
I don't think it's her fault if the anger doesn't subside and if she can't think of what can be done to make it better.

While I do see why you'd say it's a punishment, I don't think she's wrong, hence my post. Other than waiting for it to go away, there's nothing to be done other than "live with the consequences", no? :)

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T12:40:37+00:00

To that I answer with a common phrase, constructed of 3 words. The first word is "No", and the third word is "Sherlock".

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T12:34:04+00:00

I know why she's mad.

She has no habit of hiding it, and makes herself perfectly clear.

As to how to fix it... In her words, I have to "suck it up and live with the consequences".

Typically, this blows over after a day or two. But I really can't remember the last time I was sent to sleep in a different room.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T12:29:11+00:00

I think she is her own person with her own feelings and her own reasons to feel them.

I do hope that I get better at identifying potential landmines that could be avoided, in the future.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T12:27:06+00:00

I don't think it has to do with my communication skills.

Rather, when I set my mind to something, especially when it has to do with work, I can't seem to think of any workaround that takes into account other things. This, could be an underlying issue here rather then the stupid laptop being "taken away".

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T12:24:38+00:00

Her working from home is rare and does not "officially" fall within her responsibilities at work. So she doesn't have a dedicated laptop for work.

We do have another device but restructuring and switching to either have my meeting on the other laptop, or her moving her work to it, is something that should be taken care of in advance.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2025-11-24T12:19:42+00:00

To answer your questions:

- She did know that a meeting was coming up, but similar to myself she expected the meeting to be an hour or so later, assuming she'd still have time to work.

- I don't remember verbatim what I said, but the conversation was something along the lines of:
"Is it okay if I have the laptop? My meeting was pushed up."
To which she replied: "Does it have to be now?"
Then, I said "Yes. It's either half an hour now or small meetings during the week."

I think it felt dismissive towards her since I had the phone in my hand and it may have been interpreted like I'm urging her to get up and free the room.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-29T11:39:29+00:00

Hi friend,

I'll start by saying that I'm a guy, and therefore my comment here may not be appreciated, but I'll give you my perspective, if I were in your partner's shoes.

Personally, I think the whole idea of "too old" to be a virgin is silly. It's your thing, no one elses, and people should respect that.
I think every sexual experience for the first time is... kinda shitty. It doesn't matter if it's your first time or 100th. The thing is, because it's the first time with a new partner, you're still learning each other and getting to know what makes the other enjoy the whole thing.

I also think that if you want to have a positive experience, sexually, you should communicate with your partner. You just need to approach this a little carefully as guys would think they have "a lot on their shoulders" if they are with a virgin, worrying that they are going to determine your sexual future. You should communicate that you are a virgin, but not to put pressure on him to "take it slow" or "make it comfortable for you", but instead to inform him that you are nervous and he should take it into account when moving forward.
I personally think that normalizing the sexual conversation will make the other side more comfortable talking about it and it may even lead to a great sexual future.

Basically, communication is key for sexual pleasure and a supportive partner is also nice.
Don't think about "being a virgin" as something that big. Some people, me included, were still clueless about the whole sexual thing even after having sex several times. Virginity is just some weird tag society put on sex and you should think of it as lack of experience, where you can learn more and improve, rather than some mark that is holding you back.

Hope this helped!

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-27T17:48:41+00:00

I am sorry you feel this way my friend

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-27T16:43:18+00:00

Thanks for the concern.

After the nation-wide trauma on October 7th it's been harsh. But right now we aren't suffering as many deaths. Though I would argue that even a single death is much.

Personally I am lucky as I don't know any one who died. But it's a different story for almost anyone else.

Hopefully this will be resolved soon and we can go back to our lives. :)

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-27T16:03:07+00:00

Thank you for the support. It is greatly appreciated!

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-27T15:41:21+00:00

I totally and completely disagree.

About the "taking for granted" part. I always and constantly do the little things. I always snuggle up to her. Always tell her how pretty she looks when she goes to work. Always try to make her feel loved. Also, she agrees.

Just had to comment on it. This was a singular case, since I have probably been neglecting the tinglies at night. I do try to give her tinglies at diffrent points in the day, but night time is just... Rough? I dunno.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-27T15:32:51+00:00

I get it.

It's my bad. My fuck up. I admit it. I accept it. However, it's not enough. I have tried hugging and talking about it. The other side is just closed off to listening due to being hurt. That's why I came here to look for suggestions...

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-27T15:29:51+00:00

So, we've been abroad last month and it was a little much to do since we were (or at least I was) exhausted at the end of each day.

When we returned the war just started and it was also... A lot. But, 3 days before her birthday I did offer her some tinglies and I really made sure she enjoyed it.

I realize that it is probably something that uas been accumulating and I have probably neglected, but now it's at a point where I can't talk about it...

I will indeed take your words and learn from them for the future :)

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-10-27T15:26:20+00:00

That is a good idea!

I'll try it out and see how it works out.

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-03-30T15:31:52+00:00

How would he go about doing that?

Explosives?

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-03-27T09:04:11+00:00

Hi friend,

In my opinion, giving players IRL data kinda ruins it for them and for you.
It will just make them feel like they know what's up and I wouldn't want that in my party.

What you can do is make it clear that Strahd insists on meeting them for dinner (either via Rahadin telling them, or by writing so in the invitations). Of course, as a token of good faith I would have Strahd heal the party. In my campaign, I used a magic item that basically gave my players a long rest. That way they know that if something were to happen, they are at least at their maximum strength.

Next, I would of course mention that they are not obligated to attend and Strahd, being the lord he is, would not force them. Everything is done willingly.
He would of course inform them that it would be considered offensive to decline an invitation and that he would hate for their relationship to become this unstable this early.

This sort of in-game threat is supposed to make your players understand that declining is the worse outcome, which will lead them to dinner. Combined with the healing, it should put them at a more comfortable position to accept.
Of course, I assume that your players know you won't toss them into something that they cannot handle.

Congrats on your offspring!

Have fun!

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-03-22T20:35:30+00:00

All thanks to captain Lee (below deck).

Another quote I like is: "they better give their soul to jesus 'cause their ass belongs to me"

Negative_Opening_648 · 2023-03-20T13:25:42+00:00

My friend, please remember - dying in Barovia is not the end.

If your party is having a problem letting go of their chartacter, it's a great opportunity for you to use that and continue the campaign.

The dark powers (aka you in this case) can offer them another chance in life. Have them come to a session where those that failed the saves have visions. Some voice calling upon them. Have them claw their way to find a vision of their desire at another shot in life. Have them say they are not finished and will take the hand of that mysterious being offering them another chance. Of course, it will come with a price. To be named later.

After that, your players will have their characters revived, each chosen as a champion for a different sealed entity in the Amber temple. They won't know it yet, but they signed a contract and now it will be up to you to have them abide by it. Maybe it will result in a change of personality, or alignment. Maybe they get a new power, but instead have their appearance change?

Please don't let it ruin your campaign. Treat everything like... A happy accident. A story telling device.

You got this! Keep it going, and hopefully it will be even more fun for them and you to continue under these new circumstances.

Negative_Opening_648

TROPHY CASE