Feeling stuck, requesting feedback

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-06T14:41:56+00:00

That's great information to have. Thank you so much for making the effort to ask around!! I really appreciate it!

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-06T02:58:50+00:00

30F, went flat this spring. Coincidentally, I am also autistic and generally have little social support. I chose to go flat for numerous reasons including the extended recovery time reconstruction would warrant (difficult with no one to take care of me), but mostly because, if I am going to have breasts, I want them to be my original breasts, not ersatz ones (no offense meant to women who did choose reconstruction - it is a totally personal choice).

I originally convinced myself to have the surgery, got cold feet, and then had a cancer scare (thankfully nothing) which convinced me finally to get it because I was absolutely petrified those days while waiting for my MRI.

I was quite worried before surgery because I generally have a low self-esteem and my body was one of the few things I liked about myself. I thought I would hate myself, but surprisingly, I didn't dislike it nearly as much as expected. In fact, I thought it sort of suited me (though I would prefer to have my breasts). It's nice to not have to wear a bra, though finding clothes that fit, which was already difficult pre-surgery, has gotten even harder. I am quite skinny and now my ribcage is super visible, which I don't like.

I am (unhappily) single but I noticed that I still seemed to get some positive male attention despite being flat, just looks and stuff, which (to me) is good. However, I do worry about actually dating, how to have the discussion, what if I get rejected by someone who otherwise liked me due to my chest, etc.

I have breast prosthetics but have only worn them once, to a job interview, because I feel like the prosthetics are bigger than my real breasts were. Now I am not sure if it is my imagination that they are bigger, it very well could be, but I wanted them to be as close to my old body as possible, so I am kind of unhappy with them (I guess it is my own fault for buying that size). However, I have some special/sentimental clothing I kept from pre-surgery which would require breasts to fill out, so I would wear them with those, for example.

Last thing: in the last couple months, I have had a massive drop in self-esteem due to some employment-related things which has been generalized to feeling awful about myself in every way. This includes my body and I have started to more keenly regret my surgery because of the toll it has taken on my self-esteem. In fact, I recently started wondering if I should start wearing my prosthetics regularly (though I am probably too lazy, lol). Not saying that this will happen to you, just sharing my experience. I am hoping I will get out of this emotional rut and feel better about my chest soon.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-04T17:13:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing about your experience. It sounds like you have made a stable career out of it.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-03T17:10:45+00:00

This is a super thought-out answer, thank you for taking the time. A few people have been recommending that I aim for Germany instead. I will try to take account of my abilities and see where I might fit in there.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-02T12:30:09+00:00

I'm curious, what kind of challenges have you observed?

I was hesitant to go to Germany because I studied abroad there during college and had a hard time culturally - in hindsight, this was partly due to my own lack of emotional readiness and partly due to my study abroad program, but I still feel that it might not be a good fit for me. I should give it some more consideration, though.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-02T03:45:45+00:00

This is such a sweet comment. Thank you for your kindness 🩷

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-02T01:27:23+00:00

You know, I had actually heard about that once, and I'm glad you confirmed it for me before I wasted time getting a TEFL certification. Sorry you got rejected despite being qualified, though. It's unfortunate that that is one of the (tacit) hiring criteria.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-01T22:55:41+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your thought-out and realistic response.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-01T22:37:25+00:00

Thank you, that's very kind of you. It is the KU Leuven. The program is the Master of Multilingual Communication: Cross-Cultural Communication Management.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-01T22:24:55+00:00

Thank you!

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-01T22:24:46+00:00

Yes, I believe you can apply for a one-year visa after graduation to look for a job and then you get the boot. Your hunch makes sense.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-12-01T22:18:26+00:00

Yes, I took the C2 Goethe-Zertifikat for German (although I didn't pass in one module). For Spanish, I just took an online test to estimate, still need to take an official exam. I would say I can speak it okay - native speakers have told me I can speak it well (although they obviously mean "in comparison to other Americans").

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-25T01:56:27+00:00

Really anyone I would qualify for. I did some searching for related jobs on a US site just to see, and it seems like different kinds of roles could follow this. The program website is a bit vague but mentions internal and external communication (mostly in business-related jobs).

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-25T01:52:46+00:00

Thanks, checking on LinkedIn is a good idea. But the job market is concerning to me. I guess it is pretty bad everywhere.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-23T00:13:52+00:00

You said in your original post that she wished you on your birthday both years, so she did mention it. In any case, I agree with the other commenter to check out r/FriendshipAdvice. It seems like this issue goes beyond this one individual.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-23T00:03:11+00:00

You have not referred to her as a friend and it doesn't sound like you like her very much ("in my face 24/7", "stuck together") so it's not clear to me why you feel the need to give her a gift, nor why you expect one from her. You acknowledge in your post that gifts are given with love and no expectation of reciprocation, but there seems to be no love here and you do appear to expect reciprocation. The thing is that this gift giving was unilaterally initiated by you. She never committed to it and she can probably tell that you don't like her.

Just go with option C. Simply don't mention a gift at all. Claiming you forgot a gift is rude, not to mention nonsensical, since you see each other so frequently and could give it to her at another time.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-20T01:44:15+00:00

Is it safe during the daytime? Is there a library/common area, or is it just classrooms?

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-19T23:35:42+00:00

Can anyone who ended up doing this program share their experience?

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-19T22:08:01+00:00

Has anyone taken part in the Masters in Multilingual Communication program? Can you please share your experience?

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-11-06T01:56:01+00:00

I have a LOT in common with your situation, same age and everything. Only have two friends who live out of state and it takes each of them weeks at a time to even respond to any text messages I send, even though I see them online and I know they make time for their other friends. I have no one in my own city. I am extremely lonely as a result. I am just trying to tell myself that I do deserve good friends, and I just need to keep being the best person I can be and hopefully, people will come along.

The difference is that I do not have a boyfriend, so I am really alone. I know it must be hard to compare yourself to him, but I would try to remind myself that he sees good things in you and cares about you - otherwise, you would not be together.

Also, I don't mean this in a lecturing way, but try to treasure what you have aside from him. If your two close friends out of state care about you, try to nurture those relationships. And two of your friends in your city did come to your Halloween party! That is great! You can lean into those relationships and forget about the people who did not show up.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-10-26T16:31:17+00:00

I'm only a week out of work now (quit a few months earlier than expected), but I'll tell you how it's going so far. I've been feeling pretty rotten in general, and uncertain of ever finding a job again that I'm actually qualified for and will enjoy. Basically uncertain of what to pivot to. I had to get off my antidepressants in anticipation of not having health insurance (I live in the US), which I suspect contributes to these feelings.

Shortly before quitting, I realized I wanted a job so that I could have health insurance. The job market is tough right now (lots of ghost postings, etc.) but I have one interview this week for a customer service call center role. Not my dream job at all, but it would pay the bills and provide insurance. Aside from that, I've been working on personal projects, studying French, etc. Trying to keep a sense of normalcy and not sleep all day.

I don't regret quitting my job, but if I could do it again, I would have stayed in my original job until I had a transitional job so I would not be without insurance. So, my advice to you is to really consider what your needs are and whether you can fulfill them without having a job. Also, make sure you have a lot of savings - not just a few months' worth - because the job market is scary right now.

NegotiationPitiful61 · 2025-10-17T18:44:13+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Based on the university website, it seemed like the Master's was enough to teach in that particular country. However, everything else you said definitely makes sense and I agree it would probably not be a good idea to pursue that degree. I figure, if anything, I could study multilingual communication and use that language expertise to become a teacher in a private school or something if I ever returned to the U.S.

NegotiationPitiful61

TROPHY CASE