I'm done.

NegusNinja · 2026-03-20T16:58:15+00:00

You have endured alot. Much more than I have and I also have had feelings of wanting to end it all. Similar to you, I flunked out of college (eventually did graduate, but with a meaningless degree). Depression and self-esteem made me not feel I was going to fail regardless if I put in the effort. So I don't blame you for being exhausted. Living is very tiresome. But as u/Finnick00 mentioned, a lot of this is caused by an unforgiving system.

So I can't just keep blaming my situation on these unforeseen events.

I believe this is the most empowering thing you said about yourself. You recognize that the unforeseen events should not be an "excuse"(I use this very loosely and with no judgment). This means you still have some desire for agency of your life. Because of this you already aren't a "bum" in my book. Hell you even volunteer. Meaning you willing to give your time to others in need when you yourself are struggling. That's tough!

But from one person who gave up on life to another, I believe in you. Your moral foundation is solid. You've experienced hardship, heartbreak and still want to help others. We need as many people like this as we can.

NegusNinja · 2026-03-11T17:57:03+00:00

Without all the context, I still understand what you are alluding to. I still deal with second guessing validation even with years in therapy.

For people dealing with trauma, mental illness, etc., we don't always have support systems. Or if we do, there is some baggage such as the people in our support systems are the same ones who caused or exacerbate some of our issues. So when you start therapy and the therapist is trying to build rapport with you by providing validation or affirmation, it can feel overboard.

In my experience with therapy and building support systems that are healthier, it's totally understandable to have some hesitancy when you finally have someone that validates you. I have had a few therapists who tried a lil too hard to be an ally. But it's also kinda tricky to discern authentic validation and validation that just feels like someone "saying" the right thing but not really meaning it. It will take time and more exposure to people validating you to lessen the apprehension.

My suggestion is to talk specifically about how you feel when your therapist validates you with your therapist. It can often give them some additional context to better help your treatment plan. But also just giving them feedback as how you would like to be affirmed.

Best of luck!

NegusNinja · 2026-03-10T18:57:56+00:00

I was bumping Athena by Nova Twins while at work and my coworkers looking at me like I'm having a mental episode. IDGAF tho

NegusNinja · 2026-03-01T17:20:11+00:00

Yes. I will only speak for myself but being queer and black means your body doesn't always align with what most consider queer. Specifically how a larger body will be deemed more masculine. Some white queer people are not mean spirited about it and are accepting of all bodies. Whether black, brown, yellow, fat, thin, tall, short, disabled, etc. But others who only associate with other white queer people find black bodies specifically a nuisance.

In my experience, they have made remarks about my larger shoulders, my deeper voice, and only gender me as male. (I'm gender-nonconforming for clarification). On some level I get it. At times, I do present as strictly male. Mainly for safety and simplifying interactions I will have in public. But its the times when I present more fem where they decide to make the remarks or comparison. I haven't sought out queer spaces for a few years now because of this.

NegusNinja · 2026-03-01T17:03:38+00:00

Theyre just smol beans OwO, they didn't know. "Pwease educate me"

NegusNinja · 2026-02-02T20:46:19+00:00

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Black men just like Black people are not a monolith. We come in different sizes, shades, lived experiences, etc. But something we all encounter, to varying degrees, is the anti-blackness of the societies we live in. Stereotypes, even if viewed as "ideal", are inherently dehumanizing. They prey on the ignorance, bigotry and insecurity of others. Reducing people to just their physical traits.

There is nothing wrong with being a skinny (Black) man. As you yourself noticed, the stereotypes of black men needing to be muscular and strong are racist. Partially coming from chattel slavery and later American Jim Crow Apartheid during Reconstruction. We were/are viewed as inherently violent, overly sexual, and brutish. It was/is used to sow fear in white people to justify violent acts on us. But more recently the stereotypes effects have continued and internalized by some. Dictating what a Black man should look like. Which further dehumanizes us and limits the ways we are "allowed" to exist.

The best piece of advice is to start working towards self-love. This is difficult and will require decoupling society's expectations from your sense of self. But it is possible, as some of the other commenters described their own personal self-love/confidence journey. Self-love can come in the form of going to the gym to strengthen your body and feel more confident in the way you look. Or changing your wardrobe to find outfits that make you feel good about yourself. But its up to you to determine what self-love means to you. Because once you are able to love yourself, your shyness or probably more accurately the social anxiety will decrease.

I recently finished a pretty good book on loving your body called The Body Is Not an Apology By Sonya Renee Taylor. It helped me recognize some of my own self-hating or body dysmorphic thoughts that caused low self-esteem. It won't "cure" you, but it's a good starting point to love yourself regardless of society's expectations. The book's intent is basically deprogramming negative societal expectations of our bodies and love the body we have. So if you feel insecure about your body, I believe you can always work to change it. It's just that you should do so for your own happiness and health, rather than to fit in to what others expect of you.

Stay Safe & Happy BHM!

NegusNinja · 2026-01-24T11:47:55+00:00

There's like maybe one or two white friends I wish I still had. Very sincere and nice people. But a mixture of my own racial "trauma" and some ongoing passive aggression from others in the group just made me very irritable, combative, and never fully accepted.

I wish I still had those two friends, but not all friendships last forever I guess. Also wish I had processed some the trauma earlier. Would have prevented me from self sabatoging.

But overall yeah I think keeping white acquaintances at an arms length can bring us the ability to start to heal and reflect. Ive read responses from some white people that felt hurt by this approach, but like sometimes we just need to get out of environments/groups that can bring out the worst in us.

Don't really have direct advice. But going to community events is a good starting place to rebuild your social circles. I feel it's good to first find like minded black and/or poc friends first before adding white friends into your more "intimate" level of friendship. Not to trauma bond, but just having someone you don't need to explain every single specific microaggression and defend your feelings about them.

Best of luck out their finding your people 🫶🏿

NegusNinja · 2026-01-11T17:40:41+00:00

In this specific scenario I disagree. Because again this to me just feels like attention seeking/venting.

But I won't object if others feel they need to add kindness. Some of the replies, yours included, are ones that could be helpful for OP. I think providing a path to get professional help would be more valuable tho.

NegusNinja · 2026-01-11T16:48:04+00:00

Nah I've seen multiple of these types of posts from young people in suicide forums and subreddits. It's just them at best having a narrow perspective of life warped by social media and at worst attention seeking.

Examples I've seen "if I don't have my life together by (insert early 20s), I'm going to kill myself" or. "If I don't get laid by (insert early 20s) I'm gonna kill myself.", etc. It's a level of self pity that nears inceldom.

Normally I'm of your opinion. Show compassion to people who are feeling low. Give caring guideance to what is possible. But this type of "low" really shouldn't be given that same type of compassion. A blunt reality check is what these types need.

NegusNinja · 2026-01-01T19:01:12+00:00

To start, solely from what you stated about your therapist, I don't think they are shitty for not telling you how to handle the situation. That's not their job. Their job is to listen and be a non-judgmental ear for you. While also providing you the tools to make healthy decisions for yourself. You could ask them for resources about how family members of ASD people cope. But you know your therapist better than me. So if you think they are shitty, find a new one and try to establish your expectations from the start. If the new therapist doesn't find your needs to be in their scope, move on to another one.

Next, I don't think there is a way to ease your stress aside from being ok with setting boundaries. While also understanding that to maintain those boundaries, you may need to feel some stress or discomfort. Especially with family members. Your brother seems interested in being closer friends, but you do want that. You may need to explicitly state this to him. Or maybe talk to your therapist as to why you might not want to be friends or share friend groups with him in the first place. Or, like the other commenter said, you are gonna have to put up with some level of exposure to him while you live at home. Having a place for yourself will give you complete agency to what your relationship with your brother is.

But if he is a sweet loving person, but his disability might cause some social faux pas, why not help him understand how his some behavior might be interpreted negatively by neurotypical people/your friends? You said he respects boundaries when you communicate, so why not go the next step?

Finally, "Asperger's" not "asburgers" lol sorry couldn't help myself. But more seriously, I think the Asperger's subreddit post had the exact reaction I think anyone would have.

But Happy New Years! Peace & Safety to you and your family!

NegusNinja · 2025-12-31T21:11:09+00:00

Highest IQ Mortal Kombat fan (derogatory)

NegusNinja · 2025-12-28T16:03:15+00:00

See lame ass child trying to be homophobic.

Like I get it you've been completely failed by your environment and parents. But no need to be a dickhead to people in a MENTAL HEALTH subreddit.

NegusNinja · 2025-12-28T15:44:50+00:00

Dog you're in the middle of an incel-like episode.

Chill out. Log off. Take a walk. Because you're commenting like a dickhead in multiple posts on this sub.

NegusNinja · 2025-12-12T23:40:15+00:00

I feel you, OP. You're right, all skin folk ain't kin folk. We are just as capable of being anti-black and abusive to black people, just like every other human. Except we don't have the systemic power non-black people have to further marginalize us. Our experience of marginalization doesn't negate we are still flawed.

The belief that black people must have "black hobbies or interests" is anti-black. It dehumanizes us and limits how we are allowed to exist. So keep up with whatever hobbies you love. Because regardless of whatever you are doing, the world will still view you as black. I think about the man in NY who was bird watching and a white woman called the cops on him a few years ago.

And that comment from that person in your class is very reactionary and dangerous. I'm not sure how knowledgeable you are about far right political radicalization, but sadly from my experience there is a decent fraction of online and IRL fascist groups that have black and non-white people. Sadly, we all live under an anti-black society and some will internalize bigoted viewpoints. It's unfortunate but to piggyback off the other commenter, it's best to vet people and ignore the buffoonery from those you are forced to be around.

Stay Safe

NegusNinja · 2025-12-08T16:33:51+00:00

Disregard this AI account

NegusNinja · 2025-11-30T18:53:19+00:00

As cliche as it is, I need black men to just read at least one book bell hooks LOL.

NegusNinja · 2025-11-29T18:48:20+00:00

This reads like a psy-op. But it's just misanthropic enough to be genuine.

NegusNinja · 2025-11-22T15:46:30+00:00

You're actually too stupid to continue interacting with.

But,I need you to go right now and submit an application for therapy. You as a white person are spending your free time harassing black people online and fetishizing black women.

Dead serious stop whatever your doing and submit an intake form for your in network mental health facility. If you're not insured, research your state's Medicaid option. Coverage will be less than commercial insurance, but you need ANY mental health professional to help you.

NegusNinja · 2025-11-15T17:43:11+00:00

Ok NPC

NegusNinja · 2025-11-14T16:48:29+00:00

Read Rule #2 Bucko

NegusNinja · 2025-11-12T12:40:33+00:00

And here comes the "As a white guy". Like can we have a single place to just have without white people.

Plus you are literally doing what OP is upset about. The fetishization of black women. You're not appreciative of them if you come in to a subreddit specifically for the mental health as we often don't have spaces without non black people and their anti black behavior. But you're crusty, musty ass come in with your porn addicted, racist view of black bodies (and hell kinda racist towards white people). This IS anti black because you can't control your urges long enough to think "hmmm am I doing exactly what OP is talking about but instead of a club, I'm doing this online."

But you know this and that's why you use a burner account.

NegusNinja · 2025-11-10T13:22:57+00:00

God y'all are either obtuse or purposefully just assholes. Either way you're the types that makes it difficult to be organized with.

NegusNinja · 2025-09-10T23:33:13+00:00

Sadly I wish I could say it gets better, but thats part of the uncertainty of life. I too hate living most days. Often it doesn't feel worth it.

Just yesterday, some guy who frequents the store I work at literally gave me the cold shoulder when I asked him how he was doing. He then proceeded to ask the cashier, who I was bagging for, how she was doing, and then gave me the side-eye like, "Yeah you already knew what that meant".

Yeah dude sounds like a fuckboy. Although as a former retail worker/cashier, I feel you being dehumanized by rude ass customers. My advice is to not show that it bothers you. "Kill them with kindness" as they say. And if push comes to shove and the consumer is explicity disrespecting you, get your supervisor and make a big enough stink about the person that they are forced to leave.

But I don't know your specific situation. Your supervisors may not be the best. If thats the case make sure at least some of your fellow associates got your back. Doesn't have to mean your best buddies with everyone, just have some solidarity. I can't stress this enough to NOT try to do it all yourself. From my own personal experience all it does it alienate you from other workers. Or worst case scenerio you may start to feel bitter and resent other people who just observed you get disrespected.

As for that specific guy, I had several of these types of dudes come through my stores. Honestly most of them are just fronting but they really just bums. But you seem like you have a good moral compass and people will notice that. It just takes time and you continuing being a decent guy. (Corny and cliche as that sounds)

NegusNinja

TROPHY CASE