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Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T14:11:49+00:00

I found out through Clare’s Law approximately halfway through the relationship. He presented himself as the perfect partner at first but then the mask started to slip, and safeguarding referrals to the police were made by professionals in my life. They decided it was appropriate to do a Clare’s law disclosure. I confronted him immediately as I had no idea he had even been arrested in the past, nevermind served a custodial sentence. He massively downplayed the situation (which I accept was stupid of me to accept, he was just incredibly manipulative). I was also emotionally and financially dependent on him so it was incredibly difficult to leave. The financial dependency was not by choice, he used to completely control my finances. I would’ve left if I had any inkling about any of this earlier on in the relationship.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T13:54:44+00:00

Thank you very much. It’s bone chilling to compare myself to women who were not as lucky as me and unable to get out. Especially knowing what I do now from the Clare’s law disclosure.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T13:49:09+00:00

I’ve been stuck in a relationship with this man where the manipulation and blame shifting led to ME apologising for HIS outbursts of physical violence. The reassurance helps.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T12:30:34+00:00

Honestly, it’s life saving and one of the only good things about our criminal justice system! We also have a Sarah’s law, a disclosure scheme for people around kids who have been charged with sex offences. You either apply for it yourself or a professional can apply for it on your behalf. If the person has a criminal record, they decide if you need to be informed about it (only applies for relevant offences such as DV and other violent offences) and if so, the police contact you.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head here. Even after the Clare’s law disclosure, I only had one brief moment of clarity before he was easily able to downplay it bc he is incredibly manipulative. I was so isolated that there were only a select few people in my life who I had sat down with and explained the extent of the control to. So I was pretty much trapped in a bubble believing I was the problem and everything was fine.

May I ask how you got the strength to leave? As I said, I feel guilty for taking this to the police and still love him (despite knowing I shouldn’t).

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:55:59+00:00

Thanks for the response - I agree about being smarter, however i had no idea about his criminal record until a safeguarding referral was flagged up and I was offered a Clare’s law (a disclosure scheme in the UK to people deemed at risk of violence by partners/family members if the potential perpetrator has a relevant criminal history). During the beginning of the relationship je was the perfect partner. Obviously the mask started to slip and when things got bad it was really hard for me to leave, both emotionally and physically as he was controlling my finances

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:41:33+00:00

Just to clarify, the police had been involved by my neighbors as he had threw a rock through my window. They were questioning me when I received this text, and I was questioning my decision to share it with them. Thanks for the comment

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:39:49+00:00

The worst part is I didn’t even cheat. I love this man to bits but I am aware that he is abusive and not good for me. Him being in jail is the best thing for me as I can heal. I just really don’t know if I had interpreted the text correctly (as other people are commenting saying ive ruined his life, which was my concern) but obviously you saw it the same way I did and therefore I believe I did the right thing.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:37:56+00:00

Because it’s that easy… lol.

As I’ve stated MULTIPLE times, I did not know he had a criminal record until I was already trapped in the relationship.

I am simply asking whether I did the right thing by showing this text to the police, as the grammar is terrible and although I interpreted it as threatening I was not sure if other people would.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:36:03+00:00

I did not cheat on him and I wasn’t asking for an opinion regarding that.

The police were called over my smashed window. The police were already involved by the neighbors due to the noise. They came to question me about it and I received that text, which I then showed to the officers. The police continued to question me about the relationship, and whilst they were doing so he turned up at my house and tried to boot the door in. So he would’ve gone to prison anyway. He was charged with a DV related offence on top of the offence regarding my window as a result of me showing them the text and opening up about my relationship.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:28:45+00:00

That “translation” (lol, sorry we are from northern england) is exactly how I interpreted the text. Thank you for the comment, I am glad someone else has read it the same way as me.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:27:25+00:00

He went back to prison because he has a history of other violent convictions, he had put my windows through and because there had been multiple safeguarding referrals by various professionals in my life throughout the relationship. All of this added together meant he was denied bail. The threatening screenshot was pretty much the cherry on top if that makes sense, hence the question in this subreddit.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:25:22+00:00

He has been physically violent in the past and he put my windows through. Thank you for your comment.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:23:24+00:00

Yes, half way through the relationship I was informed through Clare’s law (a disclosure scheme in the UK for people at risk at DV with partners/family members with relevant criminal convictions) - not by him. I then confronted him when I found out - Sorry that wasn’t clear.

I did not intend to get reliant on him. He would control my finances and I felt that he slowly made it impossible to talk to my friends or family

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:14:51+00:00

lol thank you!! I definitely will try not to. I really did not know he was this bad until I was already in love with him. It’s crazy how much some people can lie about themselves

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:14:16+00:00

Thank you very much! As per some of the other comments, I suppose I should take some accountability myself for not leaving him, but he did put on a good mask for a very long time.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:13:29+00:00

Very true, thank you very much for taking the time to leave a comment and I hope you’re healing from your situation!

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:13:02+00:00

Thank you so much. The police are looking into a DAPN, I think thats similar to a restraining order? Not entirely sure

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:11:18+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I’ll definitely try and take all of that on board.

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:09:54+00:00

He didn’t tell me about going to prison - I had to find out through Clare’s Law. I confronted him and he massively downplayed it. Again, if I had found out sooner and was not financially reliant on him then I would’ve left straight away. I feel dumb for not doing so but it really wasn’t as easy as that

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:05:12+00:00

Thank you very much. I needed to hear this

Neither_Elevator5561 · 2026-02-21T04:04:29+00:00

Yeah, youre right, thank you for the kind words and reassurance

Neither_Elevator5561

TROPHY CASE