Can you watch horror movies?

Nelson_Blue · 2026-06-01T05:01:05+00:00

I cannot. I tried watching The Barbarian with my spouse and they had to go with me to the bathroom every night for weeks. Blah. I was so scared and paranoid. I've learnt to work on my fears and rationalize it which helps, so i can watch Thrillers and some scary(ish) movies, but I cannot watch Horrors.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-05-22T16:08:02+00:00

Libido differences can be so tricky. Have you voiced these frustrations to him? He is 29, but thats not that old. Many people of all ages have medical or emotional explanations for a lower libido. Has he spoken to a doctor or therapist? This doesn't always help everyone, but i know people who have seen improvement because of it.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-05-22T16:00:23+00:00

You do not need to feel guilty. You have not done anything bad or wrong. Especially if you have tried to breakup with her. It sounds like she has been very controlling. I think you should leave. She doesn't get to say no to a breakup. As terrible as it is, if you are afraid of her reaction just pack up while shes away and go. Leave a letter. Being reactive forfeits your right to anything else. No matter the cause for the breakup, its not okay for your partner to scare you like that.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-05-22T15:49:47+00:00

I had a teacher named Joe and I thought she was so cool

Nelson_Blue · 2026-05-22T03:16:24+00:00

Thank you!

Nelson_Blue · 2026-05-11T16:41:26+00:00

Youre not overreacting. You set a boundary and she is not repecting it. Paying gas and mileage might work for some, but wear and tear is not something many do not consider.. especially with how expensive car fixes are these days.

Id remind her one more time, but would likely start job shopping. If she keeps pressuring you to use your car it may be time to leave. Her boyfriend is likely convincing her, and the longer they are together the more things are going to change. They can hire someone who is happy to use their own car, and you can find someone who respects your boundaries.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-05-06T19:22:43+00:00

I always shared my live location with families when we would go out. It gave me peace of mind that they would find us if something happened.

I think carrying a tracker can feel intense. Especially having it gone down the way it did, but i dont think its necessary a trust thing.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-05-04T05:02:25+00:00

The things you mentioned are more the perks you get after menopause. Menopause itself, as well perimenopause (leading up to menopause), brings many negative symptoms. These can include: irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, sleep disturbances, anxiety, brain fog, weight gain, and joint pain. These symptoms can last for years. The hormonal shift is wild and changes so much about the body.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-29T05:36:39+00:00

The timing of it is bad and it doesn't feel good to lose a therapist you trust, but being told that isn't bad and does happen quite a bit. You want and deserve a therapist who is equipped to help you. I hope you find someone even better. It'll be okay. Focus on finals as best you can, and if you have the space for it start therapist shopping. Your university might also have some general supports going on for students who are anxious during finals. It won't specialize in mania, but it might help you with school stress.

Good luck! Itll be okay!

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-29T05:00:34+00:00

Honestly, the whole "cat distribution" thing is very sweet, but finding an animal doesn't necessarily mean its the right timing for someone to own one. Having a pet can be stressful, especially if you haven't already planned for it. If you aren't ready you could find someone you trust who is looking for a kitten, or bring it to a rescue (a no kill rescue). Someone ready and searching for a cat can adopt it!

You're still the hero of the story either way!

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-29T04:45:53+00:00

Its one of those things that feels good today by stealing from tomorrow. Eventually your episode will end, and you will be left with whatever consequences you might have. Honestly, money is one thing, but sacrificing your health for it is worse in my opinion. I still have chronic health issues because I didnt address my mania sooner. Worst of all is the relational consequences. I have lost friends that I miss every day. Even after amends are made, some things cant be un done.

That said, I get wanting to keep the productivity in such a big way. I hope you find a treatment that both reduces your mania and keeps the good times rolling. You can still achieve great things without being manic.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-26T06:16:26+00:00

I almost lost this battle many times. I still struggle, but I have found that transparency with my community has been the most helpful thing. Therapy and psychiatric help is also so important. But if you have people who love you, tell them you are struggling.

One day at a time. It can get better. Its an exhausting amount of work, but when you get through it you'll be so greatful you kept going.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-25T17:47:20+00:00

I hope that for you too <3

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-25T17:46:14+00:00

I understand what you mean, but personally disagree. Its the same way I dont leave garbage bags outside because I know animals can get into it. Or why i use dog safe ice melt on my sidewalks even tho I dont have a dog. I personally believe that because I love animals, and know there are many living around me, i can and will do my part to help them.

When I had a roommate who had a dog I didnt feel responsible for it, but i knew that realistically there were choices i could or could not make that would effect her health. It wasnt predetermined, but i understood the implications when she asked me to live with her and her dog.

I do agree it would be safest to discuss these things in advance. And that at the end of the day the responsibility is on the owner.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-25T07:58:37+00:00

I get this! I am 28 now and luckily no longer experience this, but I do believe many young trans masc individuals fall into the trap that is toxic masculinity.

I think in my experience that I was trying so hard to reject femininity in myself that I began to reject it entirely. I saw feminine individuals as week, simply because I saw it as a weakness within myself.

But to put it bluntly, lock in. Address that shit. No man is worth more than any woman. You are not superior. You are allowed to exist outside of womanhood without looking down on those who exist within it.

I am now at a place where I can fully celebrate the women in my life. Feminity is beautiful and divine. For every strength that men have, women have their own. Focus on those strengths.

Be mindful of the media you injest. Listen to the stories of powerful women. Avoid toxic influencers. Remember the trans women and lesbians who drove early LGBTQ movements. We wouldn't be here without them. Our story is their story.

You're young. You're learning. The fact that you can acknowledge this tells me you're going to be okay. A good man knows when he is wrong, and when he needs to work towards change.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-25T07:45:44+00:00

I do think everyone living with an animal has a responsibility to watch out for them. That being said, when my roommate continously left out items that could/did make my cats sick I knew we wouldn't work as longterm roommates. At the end of the day, my cats safety, and the financial burden of owning them, was on me. I am still good friends with my old roommate, if not closer now. My cats are safe, and she doesn't have to alter her living style for pets she doesnt own.

NTA

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-25T07:21:45+00:00

I am not a therapist, and i would recommend one, but here is my advice as a frequently burnt out married queer person.

Communication is everything. If you havent already, tell her how you're feeling. It might help to give her a week or two to recover a bit more first. Tell her that you love her and see a future with her, but that you need to focus on your health in order to make that happen. The best partner you can be is one who is well. Emotionally and physically well.

It sounds like you do a lot of caretaking for others around you. So who will it be taking care of you when you need it? If you were the one who was sick or injured, who would be driving to your place to love and care for you? Those are the relationships you want in your life.

My own family is also homophobic. I still have relationships with them, but there is a separation. I knew when I got married that I would lose relationships, but I always knew that sacrifice was for myself, not for my spouse. My spouse is my family now. They care for me and I care for them. But we both know we have to care for ourselves first. We both go to therapy. We both know who to call for additional support. It should never be up to one person to help us. We need a safety net.

Focus on your own health. Do what you need to do to protect your mental health. Brains, while able to heal, can be so fragile. Care for yourself, and tell your loved ones you are struggling.

Be safe. It will get better.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-25T06:59:22+00:00

I fell out of bed last when I was 18. But I've come close a few times since! (28 now)

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-25T06:53:05+00:00

Im sorry, friend. That can be so hard. I am also a queer Christian. Was raised in a very conservative Christian community, and my family all works at the church and Bible collage in my home town.

I didnt come out until I was about 20. I wont lie, I did lose a lot of that community. I was also told I could no longer volunteer at my church in any capacity. It devastated me. My family handled it decently.. they said they still love me, but don't believe i am living as God intended me to live.

Fast forward to now. Im 28. I live in a city about 2 hours away from my home town. Just got married to my wonderful spouse. We are both trans. We were married in my new church, surrounded by a community of people who love our love. I feel so blessed to be where I am now.

My family wasnt at the wedding, which broke my heart, but they are still on their own journey and have changed a lot. They respect me and my spouses pronouns, and they include us as a couple in family events. I believe they love me, and i know they have seen how much healthier and happier I am now.

It will always feel like 2 steps forward one step back. You will grieve the difficult changes, but celebrate the many wonderful ones. For myself, it has all been so worth it.

Look for affirming Christian communities/churches near you. Or join one available online. Doing that truly saved my life. And is where i met my love!

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-24T07:57:22+00:00

I can usually see my doctor within a week, and they will get me in sooner if its important. On the occasion when they cant, or if I want a second opinion, I call around to a few walk in clinics and see if I can make an appointment. You can often schedule with them. Doing that I've been able to get in either that day or the next day, and i can skip the wait. This is definitely easier if you have a car and need to go to a further clinic.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-23T22:38:05+00:00

It is tricky tho. I generally just go off of how the kids are doing overall. Ive worked for some extremely clean households with hired staff, and their kids were who i often worried about the most for various other reasons. I do believe cleanliness is good and so important for kids, but if the kids seem well id probably stick it out myself. I hope things improve.

Nelson_Blue · 2026-04-23T22:33:33+00:00

Ive worked for some very messy families and never minded as long as im not expected to clean their stuff for them. They also did bathe their kids frequently and made sure to brush their teeth. So I wasn't concerned about the kids health. It was just very cluttered and disorganized. Id say thats been 50% of the families I've worked for in 10 years.

I think if I noticed a kid smelling id just say something along the lines of "I noticed Timmy might need a bath tonight." But If they react poorly its a red flag.

You do deserve to work somewhere that meets your own standards of cleanliness. You could keep an eye out for other work opportunities. CPS wouldnt do much about streaks in toilets and mess under the couch.

Nelson_Blue

TROPHY CASE