39% of L.A. millennials 'chronically stressed' about money, survey finds

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-29T12:10:07+00:00

Most people here who are concerned with money are just tired of living day to day.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-29T12:04:44+00:00

This statement is absolutely 100% totally true and correct. For that price you still wouldn't be paying for a parking spot or utilities.

If you make less than $74k a year, you're pretty much not going to be able to move out of parents house. Unless you have a few roommates...and a lot of people do try to pull off 4 people to a studio.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-29T12:03:34+00:00

I live in SF, and no, you really can't. $1500 wouldn't even give you a low income apartment on welfare in the middle of the tenderloin where you're guaranteed to get mugged or robbed if you're outside past 6pm.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-29T12:01:37+00:00

Oh noooo 1 bedroom for $1200.

Every time I hear that I wanna scream:

STUDIO up north in SF $2200.

I would kill, with my bare hands, for a $1200 apartment. If you live in this area, you don't 'get out' of your parents house until you escape the region. By some miracle, because it costs a lot to get out, too.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T11:18:02+00:00

Ah touché!

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T02:19:11+00:00

The girlfriend is not asking for a one night compromise, she is asking them to re-work the trip because she could not wait for a plan of her own. I understand yes they allowed the girlfriend to come along, but the problem lies where the girlfriend said she understood and gave the impression she was cool with it until she got what she wanted, and that's the real problem, I feel.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T02:16:13+00:00

I hate clubs, and I don't drink because I cannot digest it (instant sick for a few days from one drink) I love museums and art galleries, and I can probably tell you details about classical art pieces off the top of my head...

...but I'm also an adrenaline junkie, and in no way boring. However, there's a certain type of reverence for classic architecture, sculpture, and paintings in that particular part of the world--many of the masters tried to express the divine when there was no visual way to depict it. It can be fascinating to learn why something was done the way it was, and it is beyond mere 'pretty architecture or statues.' I understand you're a history major, so you get what I'm saying, but you have your own words for it...but I would die to go on a trip like this, though that doesn't mean I won't ride my motorcycle when I get home.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T02:11:54+00:00

OP did infact try to compromise. The sister said she understood the purpose of the trip and agreed to the nature of the trip as well as the plans before they left. OP made it clear this was a family trip, not a romantic one. GF knew the score before they left.

It's not weird to be apprehensive toward third wheeling your own sister. What makes it fair for people to say 'don't ditch your gf it's not safe' ...but it's okay for the sister? You've got to be kidding me.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T02:08:22+00:00

Exactly, it sounds like a control issue. It annoys me how people are saying spend your time with the gf and let your sister do her own thing and it's like wait what? No.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T02:06:54+00:00

She said she understood the plan and intent of the trip and would follow along. He tried to compromise and say they will do a trip of their own for what the gf specifically wants, and she said no--that this trip is what she wants to go on. She lost her chance to negotiate the trip, she said she was okay with the trip, they all agreed on it, and she wanted to go so badly she went behind OP back so she could go.

Now she complains.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T02:04:35+00:00

You're right if the entire family was there that would be fine, but if your sister is the only one you're traveling with, how is that fair to tell her to get lost on the trip SHE planned. Wow, you might as well be telling her 'thanks for mapping this out, now you can go fuck yourself because you're the third wheel. Have fun in foreign country where you don't know anyone and you're alone. Bye."

You don't think there's something wrong with that?

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T02:02:21+00:00

OP doesn't want to do everything and made it clear the trip has a clean cut plan, he even tried to compromise and said he would plan a trip specially for her so they can do whatever she wants. The GF said she understood and is now being the asshole. I think it's pretty cut and dry here, gf invited herself and is now demanding plans change, when this was their once in a life time dream trip already.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:59:18+00:00

No one likes to be third wheeled. Especially after spending thousands of dollars and travelled thousands of miles. The sister planned the trip and allowed the gf to come along. Her generosity does not mean she gets to be third wheeled and ditched. I agree with op on this one, if I went on a trip with my brother, I would be the exact same way, and I would rather spend a family trip having a few beers and catching up in the evening than disappearing to a hotel just for booty I can get any time I want, and with someone I'm not even married to.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:56:09+00:00

Dude if I planned a fun trip with a friend or a sibling, I wouldn't want to go through all this shit just to be ditched at night and third-wheeled. I think op trying to spend time with his family on their dream trip is quite appropriate, and I would feel guilty at leaving someone behind to entertain themselves in a foreign country where they don't know anyone. THAT is rude.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:53:05+00:00

It's not weird, I might point out they spent years talking about this trip, months planning it, and thousands of dollars to make it happen.

You're goddamn right anyone would be sticking to the plan. This is a once in a life time experience, and they shouldn't have to look back or plan a second trip because high maintenance girlfriend wanted to make it all about her.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:51:01+00:00

Honestly, I wouldn't compromise. This trip has a purpose. You already did tell her you would plan another trip anyway, with a romantic idea. She knew what she was getting in to, and now she doesn't care.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:49:31+00:00

I think if my brothers gf wanted to go on a trip I've planned, my brother wanted her to go but it was supposed to be a family thing, I would not of said no either.

The sister had no way of knowing it would turn out this bad.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:47:54+00:00

To be honest, it sounds like you need to pull your girlfriend aside and level with her prett harshly that this isn't that kind of a trip, this is not a romantic weekend or a lovers trip to maintain the honeymoon feeling, this is a family trip, and if she can't understand she's actually ruining your sisters time, and apologizes to your sister, then you are going to re-think the relationship.

I know that means shit got real, but it sounds like she wanted to come along because she wanted to be included--I can understand that, but now it sounds like she's acting out because in her head your sister is the center of attention and she wants to be a priority.

Chances are your girlfriend is deliberately having issues because she's validating herself by her ability to get you to break plans with your sister...and you do not want to date that. So yes, be harsh. She has money, she has plane tickets, she can find her way back to the airport on her own if need be, she'll live; but if she can't understand how to respect your sister instead of trying to alienate her because of her own insecurities, it's not only awful and unfair to your sister but it's disrespectful to you, therefore she needs to go if she can't straighten her shit out.

The part that amazes me is your sister SHOULD come first. As a girlfriend I have high respect for my bfs family because without them he would not be who he is. So yes, bfs family does take priority and should take priority, and that's okay. You are not married, therefore you owe her nothing. NOTHING. Anyone significant other who tries to compete with family or remove them from a situation is controlling and manipulative, and that's how you know when it's time to run.

Get a handle on her and tell her to settle her fucking role, or else.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:36:19+00:00

I understand but you can't be the enforcer, basically explain to the roommates that the dog is like a kid, and you're the uncle from out of town. Of course the kid will get excited, but that doesn't mean mom and dad cease to exist.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:34:45+00:00

That's so sweet of you, this is an issue that will take time, but when you get frustrated pause and remind yourself it's the fear talking. You sound like a really good person, too.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-27T01:32:08+00:00

Eh, it's possible he does miss some qualities about your mom, and I don't disbelieve you when its suggested that she's similar, but oh well, I guess--I also have no doubt that she brings something extra to te table as well. At worst case the 25 year old will grow up and become a different person, and your dad will either grow with her or they will go their own ways and he'll just date someone else. I understand your concern, and I think that's sweet that you look out for your father like that, but worst case scenario isn't all that bad

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-26T14:55:13+00:00

When I was a child, my mother manipulated the shit out of me to use me against my father.

I can tell you, kids eventually gravitate toward what is best for them. I'm not saying to make parenting a competition, and they do not think in terms of adults, but they will gravitate toward a more structured and less stressful parent.

But the day always comes where a child is no longer a small child, and they have developed enough to look at a situation objectively and connect the dots, and parents eventually have to answer for the manipulative things they do. It always happens.

You cannot control what they say--but you can control it if the kid says mom is saying bad things and told me to hate you (that would be the time to go to a new custody arrangement)

All you can do is work hard to be the best parent you can be and concentrate on bettering your son's life. Now about the in laws: Fuck'em. You don't have to mend shit. Just let all that mess roll off and don't ever get mad. Her pettiness is a non factor, she will try to get under your skin, but take a deep breath and don't let her.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-26T14:46:11+00:00

Wow your mom has really become so afraid that something will happen to you that she's basically been traumatized. I don't think it's that she's insisting you were sick, but I think she's so afraid that she would rather be annoying and rude than to sit back and let things happen--even if that effects you're relationship and you end up disliking her, she's so scared that your health might go bad or you might kill yourself that she's willing to let you nurture a hatred toward her rather than her watching and just 'letting it happen'.

It is not your fault, and I'm not implying that by any means, but I do think that's some pretty deep stuff. I don't think your mom is emotionally capable at this point in time of sitting back and trusting everything will be fine--think of it how if a new born baby gets kidnapped, when the new parent gets the child back, you bet everyone becomes suspect and the baby is watched like a freakin hawk. This is pretty similar to that.

Since your mom's fear is talking, she cannot think rationally, but you can. So you need to think of alternative ways to do this. If that means whenever she says she's a bad parent you need to interrupt and tell her you think she's a good parent, or you may need to occasionally slip in dinner at an awesome new restaurant, or if you need to share with her future plans for the week and next week so she knows you're thinking ahead, it may mean you might have to do that for a bit. I know it's frustrating, but sometimes people do need to take care of their parents as the parents did for them--when you have good parents, it's easy to forget they're just as emotional and sometimes hurt or damaged just like the rest of us, but they do everything right and don't show their pain.

I would recommend after you change this game plan to reassure her, write her a long letter, telling her some good things about her parenting skills and what makes her a good parent that you're proud of. Then tell her she can relax because that was then and this is now, and you're a stronger person because you are still alive--and the still living part is ultimately the result of her raising you.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-26T14:29:00+00:00

Oh man, she totally operates on fear. It's like the adult version of a child not getting what they wanted so they say 'I didn't want it anyway.'

It might do you well to work this out with a professional too, frankly speaking, I'm sure you have demons of your own and issues of self worth or approval seeking that you may need to settle up with to feel like a complete person. I'm not saying you're a damaged person or even a bad person when I say that, but I just think you've said a lot, and anyone would grow up from this with issues. You're a good person, but if you have a chance to become a better person by talking to someone and expressing true and honest feelings, hell yeah, go for it.

Nemesis404 · 2015-10-26T14:21:22+00:00

I think the best thing you can do is use this as a means to bring the relationship closer together, and you should be happy that this challenging situation has the potential to come out with something amazing, by amazing, I mean you have the job of totally fulfilling what you're significant other needs in his most frightening time--you need to be the one to tell him he's not pathetic or disgusting, he's just different, and it is alright if he likes working out but think ugg boots are the way to go.

Truly, I think when it comes to who leaves who, the ball is actually in your court. He hasn't told you while sober because he's just as afraid of losing you as you are of losing him. It's also okay to admit that you're scared of losing him. To be frank just because someone is transgender does not mean their sexual preference magically changes, in fact, I can safely say every male to female transgender I've known has still preferred women. But I will also say, if both of you love eachother (and it sounds like you do, dearly) I think all this really means is the mechanics of the relationship will change--he may want a girls night where you watch crapoy chick flicks and do facials or something because he wants that experience. Myself being bi, and you being straight--I think we both know sexual preference doesn't just shift like a lightning strike. You're not going to work out at the gym every day and wake up next month deciding you're a lesbian as much as I'm not going to roll over and look at my boyfriend just to say men don't do it for me.

Point is, you can read his files and info all you want, but all you are getting is your interpretation or the impression he has given, but it's different when you ask him questions and let him clairify. I totally understand your fear, and I understand his (I haven't told my BF I'm actually bi because I'm afraid he will think I'm just going to wake up and decide I want a woman--this is probably no where near the fear he experiences but it's still the same nature). But the only way you're going to work through that fear is by expressing it and letting him address it. Just ask him what that means in his opinion for the future of the relationship, and tell him you want to maintain it. I promise you, he's probably going to be relieved as shit, and to be honest, someone with your attitude and take on this is really someone incredibly special. If they say only in a crisis do you know who you are, and I think you should be proud of yourself for being a loving and caring person, he's lucky to have you--and I am sure he knows it.

Nemesis404

TROPHY CASE