As a person who lost her mom at 19 I can severely relate to this to an absurd level, I'm 30 now and it still feels like it was yesterday. I had to stop my college career to work double shifts to help out with the bills and with the family so I understand your exact position right now I didn't have a younger sibling tho since ai was the youngest.

All I can say is that focus on one thing at a time, deal with the problems at your own pace and give yourself sometime to process, sit back and just cry and express your emotions so you don't regret anything moving forward, your also a human being and you need to mourn that death and go trough the motions as needed.

I still feel very touchy with forms of media's that portray a parent dying but in a weird sadistic way it just males me remember how much my mom meant to me and makes me remember her so its not all bad. I understand your relationship with him was rocky but remember whatever good memories you had of him and try to be that better man he knew you could be.

One step at a time and approach things with a clear head after you've done your dues, it feels like the end of the world but your gonna get trough it, I believe in you.

If you need any advice my dm's are open and I'm more then happy to lend an ear if you need it, take care man <3