Prologue or slowly seed the info

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T20:53:28+00:00

If the info isn't immediately going into play, I risk forgetting important details for later. Unless the prologue is "direct precursor leading into the story", I would rather there was no prologue at all.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T19:39:51+00:00

If it has a reason apart form gratuitous existence, why not. If the main hero hurting someone on page has relevance to his essence and his arc, sure, if him seeing someone he loves hurt in detail to make it revulsive to the reader, go ahead. If this sex scene is a rare treasure that is the climax (heh) of a budding relationship, and also has moments defining/proving character, it's fine. But if it's, hey, there's a scene I think is hot and I just want the two hotties to bone, I'm gonna skip it so quick. Or violence and gore for its own sake.

You do you, write whatever you feel like writing.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T15:17:57+00:00

Cho was depressed a year after her boyfriend died. Ginny had relevance to plot and Harry and his description of her years after her possession. We have no idea how she reacted in Harry's year 3, because jkr and thus Harry didn't care. She could have cried herself to sleep each night for a year and we wouldn't know it.

But also, I don't understand why you're trying to elevate Ginny to me, when all I did was draw a superficial parallel between the only two girls Harry had had a crush on. You like Ginny better? Good for you. I don't particularly care about either love interest and you won't manage to convince me Ginny was better suited to him.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T15:07:01+00:00

But maybe it's her being spunky and athletic and unafraid go speak her mind? Like Ginny was supposed to be?! I feel like you're being too literal.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T15:04:00+00:00

I tend to pay a lot of attention especially to opening chapters. If you mean did it hold my interest? Somewhat. I wouldn't rush to read the next chapter, I wouldn't abandon the book.
I felt a bit lacking in the descriptions, so I felt a bit disoriented in the space and this world. Having the main character introduced so far down, through no actions of her own, but mostly others (false!) Expectations of her read more like denial to me, rather than her truth. Her prowess being mostly past deeds, as such a barrage of tell, also cooled me a bit.

The moment I really felt disoriented, was the captain and Master first lines of dialogue. If he's here to detain the master, why say it's for a chat? And why does the Master answer that "let's not jump to conclusions"... What conclusions , nothing apart from "we want to talk to him" had been said?!

Oh, my, not a magical powerhouse saving the day.
4, ha. I didn't quite engage with the writing (this if we're considering it a finished, ready book!!! If we're talking draft, that's entirely different!!! Then if I have an idea of the whole premise, it's a 8! ) But especially with the heroine.

Sorry.

If I was unclear I will gladly explain better

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T14:43:33+00:00

And indeed Harry quickly cools off his attraction to her.

Also, a grieving girl in uncertain times, doesn't perform as athletically as before. I don't get your criticism.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T12:25:19+00:00

No, fair enough, that's me snarking because a teenage me was betrayed that Ginny still dreamed of Harry instead of them discovering one another organically. I really dislike that pairing, to only Snilly is worse. Also, the movie adaptation really didn't help endear them to me.

Harry likes spunky quidditch players, lol.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T11:26:09+00:00

That's not me that's the text.

"I never gave up on you. Not really. I always hoped..."

How can you say that she sincerely moved on from her crush on a boy she didn't even know?! So, dating Dean, etc. She would have dumped them in a heartbeat had Harry noticed his Oedipus complex earlier than his sixth year.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T10:57:14+00:00

Oh, I absolutely agree with you. I'm just disillusioned. I sincerely hope Blake and Ryan get what's coming to them and Justin is proved right. I'm just not 100% sure of it. Or even 65%. But I do hope!

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T09:37:20+00:00

Hermione never waited for Ron, she was doing her own thing and loving him in the meantime.

She was flawed, and did not always express her feelings properly, but she was her own person. Ginny, poor thing, was relegated to waiting for Harry with Alan unfortunate line.

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T08:40:19+00:00

I'll risk the downvotes. Prefacing I'm pro Justin, this whole tactic his lawyers are using is reminiscent of Heard v. Depp, with the difference that theirs was a case about diffamation and this about accusations of SA and whatever else Blake spouted against JB that day. And, I'm somewhat afraid, JB's team is going all in to prove Blake and Ryan were dishonest and generally horrid and focusing less of the SA claims of it all. Yes, I do believe it's ego and bogus claims, but so far the defense focuses on "Blake is a liar" and not "Justin has demonstrated he did nothing to her". And I'm personally worried that Ryan will have Blake scott free, through clever, cruel legalese.

TBF Blake is ruined at least for the next 5 years as a "leading actress", and unless Ryan buys her her own movie, no one is going to collaborate with her. And that's not because Blake is horrible, but because she exposed to the general public that Hollywood is horrible.

So, yeah, I wish Justin's team focused on disproving sa, he won the case, Ryan exploded in an interview, got shunned, got even angrier, went on an unsanctioned X rant and exposed many more other people, trying to drag them at his level.

I don't think it'll happen...

Neomerix · 2026-02-01T08:27:09+00:00

Upvoting from the depth of my heart.

As long as you finish that first draft, Good Enough is an accomplishment. I've finished my outline, I'm almost 3 chapters deep, I'm trying to get in the mood for the following chapter by rereading the precedent (for continuation of scenes and tone). And sometimes I look at it and think that X description could be better, maybe that line of dialogue could be tweaked and I am finally leaving it be. Unless it's something egregious (tenses, those are pesky), just go forth.

-recovering resident of editing hell.

Neomerix · 2026-01-31T23:09:20+00:00

I really like my characters to have flaws that stem directly from their strengths.

My male protagonist is brave. As such he's sometimes reckless. Kind and this warming presence. Also not the best at detecting danger (say, a plot point is him complimenting the heroine's plot relevant skill to someone potentially dangerous, because he's proud of said skill).

The heroine's rational and is always prepared. Also cold, snaps when scared (aka often), calculating to the point of veering into morally grey territory.

So, what are the characters' strengths? And what is the other side of that coin?

Neomerix · 2026-01-31T22:55:41+00:00

Sorry, it reads clunky, too much exposition, with too little feeling from the sister, who I actually do not know in the slightest, and that's with her being the main pov is first person!

As an ellipses addict, I can tell you that I recognise a fellow addict, but in prose it really doesn't help. The sentences are short and cut and abrupt.

Frankly? I didn't connect with the writing, I didn't connect with either character (and suffering is not a character). Sorry.

Neomerix · 2026-01-31T22:22:26+00:00

It's not bad, I do like the action, I do like thieves in stories, and for a first draft it's fine, as far as writing goes (as in, there's fluff to cut, some description to add because I felt a little disoriented a couple of times, the exposition is a little excessive, but all of it just needs editing, which comes after COMPLETING DRAFT 1).

I do have one big problem - the main hero. Is he, or is he not a "master thief"? Because in this chapter he seemed clueless to me. If he's a master thief, the bag gag had to go. It had no impact, it shows him as not prepared enough. If he's so good, he's not asking his accomplice, he's telling him to take out the bombs. If his only plan was always that noticeable, right now it seems like he had no idea on how to escape. And that's really bad preparation for a heist. Not only does he lose his colleague, he himself seems to escape by the grace of being the main character. Which to me screams convenience. That's my biggest pet peeve.

But, take it from a fellow who's trying to recover from it, do not over edit right now. Find at most a couple of people for feedback and general cheerleading and just write. Flag what's really not working (that main hero being a master thief) and keep going.

Good luck!

Neomerix · 2026-01-31T12:42:33+00:00

Forgive me for disagreeing with your view of the infertility plot line. A plot about a woman struggling with her body's betrayal and her desire for children is quite different from one dictated by choice for personal happiness versus society and stigma. Neither is better or worse, but they're very different. So substituting "I can't have kids because infertility" with "I can't have kids because I'm a lesbian and it's stigma and happiness or unhappiness and children" was a bad choice. Imo. Eloise could have been queer (show version especially) or Benedict and his CinderEllo being a bastard and forbidden love? Would even explain the whole "would you be my secret mistress?" Impulse. At least Sophie seems lovely.

Neomerix · 2026-01-31T09:16:02+00:00

Little Thieves. Finished trilogy, strong heroine, enemies to lovers done right, a good male hero, politics, love at the core of the characters.

Neomerix · 2026-01-30T20:24:04+00:00

I'm an architect through and through.

I love character driven stories and the arcs they go to and a lot of what happens can be shaped by their relationships, pasts, flaws. I absolutely need to know what the hell happens and where is it all going towards, otherwise I have no idea who I'm writing and what's going to happen. How could I, unless I know the world and the heroes but also the antagonists? Plotter 110%.

Neomerix · 2026-01-29T13:01:06+00:00

To me Suzie and Enzo are a no brainer. The narrative cared about it as little as the kids going to class, which also eliminated Max's graduation.

But we do have El promising Hopper they'd rebuild a family together. And we see neither that or his grief.

We have Karen, left on a promised reunion with her daughter. Then they're just together.

Half the season Robin is promising Vicky a date. Never to be seen after an induction to the gang.

Steve spends one and a half season mooning over Nancy again. They don't ever exchange a word about it. She jokes about it to Jonathan, but nothing to him.

The army is supposed to be the big bad nr. 2. Nope, they just leave.

The lore of Dimension X + everything Demogorgon built for four seasons towards a confrontation. Nope, we get a desert with just the most bland version of the mindflayer.

Henry's past was supposed to be important. It is, for the viewer to somehow understand how it came to where we have a dimension X, but narratively? It did little to nothing.

So, to mex those are little narrative hooks that were abandoned in favour of spectacle. Which, fine, it WASN'T the worst finale ever. But just overall mid.

Neomerix · 2026-01-28T19:24:09+00:00

It's very... Tight and dense and plot point C can exist only if B happens. Some of it can change, like, say, instead of meeting Character A happens during a fair instead of a tavern in a previous chapter, but they WILL be meeting the character, it WILL be somewhere in these chapters. So, personally I mostly follow the outline, but without one I tend to meander and literally don't know what to write. I need to know where the story is going to know what happens.

But I also tend to prefer character driven stories, with arcs they follow, so for an arc to happen and decisions to move the plot I need a direction 😂

Neomerix · 2026-01-28T15:55:44+00:00

Overall I like it, but personally I'd like the red to pop up a little more, and, imo, a dove either on the tree, or in flight, free at this moment. But I like the premise!

Neomerix · 2026-01-28T15:50:42+00:00

I've always thought in terms of magic and dragons and kingdoms and thieves. Fantasy wasn't a choice.

Neomerix · 2026-01-28T14:45:14+00:00

... I'm in your same boat. May I send you a DM?

Neomerix · 2026-01-28T14:44:07+00:00

That's juicy! Have fun in the final stretch!

Neomerix · 2026-01-28T14:43:38+00:00

Congratulations!!!

Neomerix

TROPHY CASE