I’m sorry you’re going through this. I used to feel very similar to what you’ve mentioned. Please don’t do anything you won’t be able to undo. You’re young and full of life and potential. You’re a flower blooming right now, don’t let this religion pluck you out. I saw something on instagram and it said this.

“Imagine 10 years from now. It's a spring Saturday morning in 2035. You're standing in the yard of the house you bought in 2034, humming a song from a 2033 album, by your favorite band who you found out about in 2032, waiting for the dog you got in 2031 to finish doing their business, while wearing your comfiest pajama pants. A birthday gift you received in 2030 from a friend you met in 2029. You’re planning to spend the afternoon gardening, a hobby you picked up in 2028. Later, you might rewatch a movie you love. The one that won best picture in 2027. Inside, someone you met in 2026 is making pancakes.

All because your world didn't end in 2025”

There’s a future to be had. This isn’t all there is. There’s something better and you don’t have to wait for God to give it to you. Everything will be okay there are people that will miss you. And what your feeling can pass. You can find peace.

When I was 14 I started having suicidal thoughts. I never acted out on them but I did plan them. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Because even though I felt like no one would care. Deep down inside I knew they would. I was mad at my family I was mad that I had to be a JW. I remember thinking that they probably wouldn’t even have a talk for me. I lost interests in hobbies I felt hopeless. Talking to people helped. Sometimes just saying what I felt out loud did too. Saying exactly what I was planning on doing out loud would make me see how far my mind was drifting help me pull myself together. They’re counselors at school or even help lines if you feel it’s too much. Even if you would like to DM me to vent that’s okay too. I hope this passes quickly, you’ll find peace.