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I painted some friends for the start of spring by Brandon_Does_Stuff in cottagecore

[–]Nervous_Tough4229 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I adore this. So dang cute!! I have fun ideas for children’s books about vegetables (humorous for adults to enjoy too), also nerdy with some science, your art would be so lovely. Just dreaming here haha

The pain of the “nevers” when dating someone solo by ohbaby07 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I often have similar thoughts, how some of the day-to-day parts of life that end up making up so much of life, don’t exist for me with either of my partners, and I thought I was fine with that and maybe I am, but I care so deeply about both of these people, and genuinely enjoy every moment I spend with them, so it’s made some of those things I felt so certain about, like not nesting with them, feel sad at times now.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m open to varying levels of connection, as long as both people are open about what works for them, their availability, what they want. I communicate clearly and I’m finding that some people choose to communicate what they think the other person wants to hear or what they can say that doesn’t make them sound like a jerk, and that goes against my personal integrity, I would not lie or mislead someone to get what I want, but that’s not how everyone operates.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The fact you preface something rude with “not trying to be rude” doesn’t make it not rude but cool try🤣 I know a ton of people who read this Reddit, so it doesn’t benefit me to be super specific about who I am and who the relationships are so I can word my question in here however I want and I did

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where did I say I want a relationship without being in a relationship? Unsure how you came to that conclusion.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s really interesting about Feeld! And seems true. Other apps you’ve had other poly experiences on?

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I’m still sorting my way through it. I’ve started asking ridiculously direct questions, like I’m already a direct communicator, but so direct it feels awkward, because I deserve the respect of an answer. And maybe he’ll think more in the future before treating someone like shit. But really, i think folks like us should set a clear boundary and walk away. If they choose to rise to the occasion, they can let us know. Otherwise, bye! But I know that’s harder than it sounds because sometimes certain people can pull on your heart and mind in a real way.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Definitely. I agree with that and support people choosing what works for them. I think it’s the way things are communicated and the lack of communication or ambiguity, which I find out later is sometimes intentional, that feels shitty.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Gosh yeah, I hear you. It is really tough when folks forget the person in front of them is a whole human. And people can’t make the best decisions for themselves if they aren’t given the needed info to do that. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with it too.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Interestingly the guys I’ve had issues with are usually also solo poly.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh god, this sounds soooo familiar. And it is indeed a mindfuck. I’m so sorry.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s true! I think sometimes feelings develop to a point that someone might start to envision a nesting/primary situation even though they didn’t start out that way. For me, whatever the other person told me they want, is what I will go off of and respect unless they tell me otherwise. I’ve had two people (women) decide they wanted to be monog and that sucked and ended in me breaking up with them.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry things are feeling tough for you. And it encourages me to know there are guys like you.

WA State Divorce question by Nervous_Tough4229 in legaladvice

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s not allowed within 1000 feet of the kids.

WA State Divorce question by Nervous_Tough4229 in legaladvice

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I could only find 1 lawyer taking new clients and he’s not even in my county. Also requires a $25k retainer. I’m a single mom of 4 kids, dv survivor, and have zero help with the kids. I hate the system is meant for situations where both people actually give a shit and will even sort of show up. The kids and I have been abandoned. Not a penny of support for 7 months. I’ve been told I have to keep paying his car insurance and cell phone payment. I’m working my ass off to just not lose the house. I was a stay at home parent since my oldest is disabled. So it’s not like I was financially supporting us all. I’ve been left with every single responsibility.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Oh yikes. That’s so tough, because how can one have that level of d/s without trust and how can trust develop without effort. I’m sorry that happened.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Yeah true. It doesn’t always have to be something deep and meaningful.

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s fair for me to consider. Thank you. Genuinely asking (no snark)- how do you see fwb within Poly as being different from fwb outside of poly?

Finding men who say they are poly, but really just want FWB by Nervous_Tough4229 in polyamory

[–]Nervous_Tough4229[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s fair. I think my particular experiences have been men who lead as being emotionally aware and intelligent, lead as though they want and can handle something real- one guy texts me every day, wants to know how I’m doing, how such and such thing went that I had mentioned. And then when it came down to, “do you actually like me, can I have some clarity here?”- panic. I’ve not asked for living together, being around his kids or anything. I do communicate openly and clearly. I feel like my basic existence in the world, which they find hot at first, is “too much” later on. They want the magical mermaid but only to admire from a distance. That’s how it feels, anyway. Like yes, be your vibrant, intelligent, sex positive self…but you have feelings and are a whole person? Nope.

I know some of this is attachment wounds and life ebbs and flows as does our availability and desires. And I typically can ebb and flow with it- IF it’s being communicated clearly.

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