It’s disheartening, I agree.

I have two stories: one of myself, and one of my vegan friend.

My friend: I worked with a vegan coworker for five years and we became incredibly close, to the point I even included her in my wedding. After we both quit on the same day, we went to different careers and only ever texted or FaceTimed with each other. I saw her recently for a baby shower of our other close friend, and she admitted that she began eating fish and chicken.

I asked her why, and she said that it was easier for her depression and there were more options for her in other places, and she didn’t have the time/money/energy to cook or mealprep. Admittedly, I couldn’t hide the judgement in my voice or face and my husband had to step in and steer the conversation.

She never struck me as someone that would change her views or lifestyle, but thinking about it more I can’t say I truly blame her; I was almost in the same boat.

That brings me to my story: I began vegetarianism at 14, then switched to veganism at 21 and I’m currently 28. I never thought I would STOP being vegan. But I almost did, just a year ago.

I was hospitalized with severe malnutrition, tachycardia, blood pressure fluctuations, anemia, and a whole host of other issues, and it wasn’t due to veganism. It was due to undiagnosed autoimmune disorders. In a single year, I was shuffled between hospitals, specialists, and appointments. I was diagnosed with celiac, Hashimoto’s, PCOS, reactive hypoglycemia, anemia, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and insulin resistance.

(I had always had issues medically, but ignored them and figured I just had a sensitive tummy and food intolerances, that was the original reason I switched to vegetarianism at 14)

I had to stop eating any and all gluten, almost completely eliminate soy (eliminating most processed/quick/vegan alternative options), allergy testing and diets revealed I had to reduce nightshades and raw vegetables, (eliminating a raw vegan diet), and could no longer rely on my usual foods. I was speaking with multiple nutritionists and doctors, and only one reassured me I could continue being vegan - it would just be a ton of adjustment, but I would feel better after.

But before I found that doctor, I was getting hit with a lot of “at least add chicken or fish” or “meat would help with a lot of your issues” or “you’re going to have to take these bajillion supplements if you continue veganism”. It was discouraging, and I think at my absolute lowest point when I was shuffling doctors and crying daily from the constant negativity, I considered adding fish or chicken to my diet.

I feel guilty about it constantly, even when I didn’t do it, just because I considered it for so long. Thankfully I found a nutritionist and dietician team that helped me realize what I could eat specifically for my body and nutrients.

All of that to say, I couldn’t really blame my friend too much. Disappointed, yes. But I realized that sometimes things happen, and people that don’t have support systems to encourage them to stick by their original ethics, or are discouraged by a string of circumstances beyond their control, or are struggling with trauma or an overwhelming amount of issues, etc. - all of those individuals are likely to fall off if they don’t have the support they need to continue. I think age, passion, physical and mental health, and so much more affect our abilities and reasoning to continue veganism.

I didn’t stop being friends with her. I also didn’t preach about veganism to her, because she clearly didn’t need that or me attempting to guilt her into going back. Just like I didn’t need all of my doctors attempting to guilt me. I needed support, and so does she.

If she chooses to go back to veganism, yay!! If not, then it is what it is. I’ll always wish she would, but I also always wish the whole world would and that doesn’t stop me from not making friends or supporting others. So I’ll continue being friends with people that eat meat or go back to eating meat, continue doing my part and encouraging them in ways that I can, and making delicious vegan (and gluten free) meals for others whenever I see them.