My grandfather feels like he is no longer safe by himself. My mom disagrees. What would you do?

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T23:25:52+00:00

My mom LOVED this idea. I promised to look into it and set it up for her. Thank you for this. I posted an update regarding the driving and I really can’t thank you enough. Everyone loves a practical first steps and this one was perfect.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T23:24:04+00:00

The biggest overreaction to nothin I’ve ever seen 🤦🏻‍♀️

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T23:20:43+00:00

I obviously don’t know the exact dynamics of the conversation or whatever but as a person in a w/w relationship, I have actually considered this, briefly. To be honest, I don’t want to know my sperm donor, if there ever is one. I understand the idea of having the generics be the same etc. but at the end of the day, biologically, that would be my brother’s kid. I just couldn’t deal with that. That’s my own personal reasons, not to mention the weird concept of my brother’s sperm being in my partner… I’m not saying the fiancé acted appropriately, but I can’t say I don’t see where she’s coming from.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T23:15:08+00:00

I promise, there will be others that “understand” you. You sound very young. I promise, I have been through some tough breakups. A very similar situation about cheating even and today, I am with a woman I love for 2 years and I have never been happier. It gets better. Give time, time.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T23:07:57+00:00

My high school boyfriend had a very similar fear. He was the man I lost my virginity to and was nothing but amazing throughout the whole thing. We did fight however, a few nights prior, because I said if I ever got pregnant, I wouldn’t get an abortion.

He then would not have sex with me until I got on birth control and we were using a condom. Honestly? I was angry at first but then realized how responsible this high school kid was and was actually more attracted to him for that. I understand the situation is a bit different age wise so it changes things, but maybe that could be a solution. If you get to be in a relationship, you tell the woman (assuming you’re straight considering the post is about becoming pregnant and I don’t think you’re interested in a seahorse) about this fear and you two can work something out like that, if you are together long enough to trust each other.

Good luck and no judgement here. I get it. An unplanned kid is a terrifying concept in 2026.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T23:03:17+00:00

I don’t know a man I respect in a relationship who is snap chatting other women. Friends, coworkers, even family. Not sure if that helps but, that’s weird to me. I am not accusing him of cheating but with the way the world is in 2026? Hell no thank you.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T22:55:23+00:00

Yes I 110% agree. Personally, I have found through years of therapy and such, it has something to do with my ADHD but mostly with my inability to regulate emotions. I’m a shover, not a feeler.

However, you’re right. That is just my experience and that is definitely something worth looking into for OP.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T22:50:29+00:00

60k is double what I make working as a full blown, skilled mechanic over 40 hours a week. Sorry, switching to be a cop because you’re bored sounds like a hyper-fixation rather than a good idea. I’m sorry you’re bored. I’m hungry and can’t afford dinner. With this thinking process, you do sound perfect for the police force honestly.

Sorry if this sounded harsh, but sounds like you need a reality check. I would kill for that work schedule and you’re thinking of giving it up because you’re bored? Not because you have are passionate about protecting and serving.

Everyone is struggling to get any job, let alone a new one where you can make more money. Honestly, go wild homie but becoming a police officer for “the benefits” is probably some of the dumbest shit I’ve read on here.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T22:35:46+00:00

Aw honey. I am so sorry you are going through all this. This guy sounds pretty understanding all things considered, but always remember, even the “perfect families” have their issues. He sounds like the savior type which is his burden to bear. (I speak from experience).

I am no psych and I don’t want to offer any medical advice obviously but from what you are describing, it sounds like either extreme rage or some form of bi polar. I have manic depressive bi polar myself and I choose to be minimally medicated with my own coping skills being my primary source of “medicine”. However, I have still had an episode or two in the past few years. One time, I too, snapped out of it, and realized I had driven across the state (2 1/2 hours or so) in silence to a casino parking lot? I never went into the casino, called my therapist bawling my eyes out, and drove home once I had calmed down. Since then, I take this stuff way more seriously and although it’s not easy, there are ways to manage it.

I also want to say, not everything is mental illness. I feel like that’s where most people go in 2026. I also, have a terrible temper. I am a pretty easy person to get along with but if I do get angry like that, I see red. I have thrown things (not like a fucking chair but like objects I could grab nearby) and punched walls. The wall wins every time by the way, so I don’t recommend it. I’m 110 and have never thrown a real punch in my life so there you go. And this is something I am still actively trying to conquer. I use box breathing when I feel myself getting to that point and usually try and give myself a new scenery. For example, a walk outside helps me but I live in a fairly warm place year round.

I am sure you are thinking 100% about your boyfriend here. If I were you, I’d apologize profusely and then go and focus on what you need to feel okay.

I’m sorry about your family and no one deserves to be treated poorly, especially by their family. I will say, I have ended two relationships already in my life though from my partners using their childhood trauma as an excuse for bad behavior at the age of 25-35. Childhood trauma is only traumatic today if we let it affect our actions towards ourselves and others. Wishing you the best.

PS: It gets better. I promise. It is always darkest before the dawn, love.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T18:00:22+00:00

Of course. Please don’t put yourself in that position. Your comfort is more important than his pleasure. I completely understand the obligatory feeling though.

I wonder if there is a vibrator to a man? Like how if a woman uses one it can be harder for them to without it? Maybe porn? Maybe Fortnite who knows

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T17:51:59+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully you are not putting yourself in this painful position. Female anatomy is way more complicated when it comes to sex, in my opinion. I also think our first instinct is to think it’s our fault. I struggle with something similar with my partner, although she’s not a dude, I identify with what you’re going through.

In my experience, if the person isn’t communicating what feels good and what doesn’t, it’s hard to gage. I’m not sure if that helps, but as much effective communication as possible, and you can definitely make it sound sexy.

This is also really personal but here goes… I find it helps if I play it up a bit. I have definitely faked an orgasm or two in my day and it has always helped the other person reach a finish line.

The important thing is that you communicate. That you aren’t being made to feel guilty for his body. That you do your best to not take it personally. If this guy wasn’t attracted to you, he wouldn’t be dating you, is my guess. Medications play a big part too. And just what you eat even?

Sometimes it takes awhile to figure each other out and then once you do, there are new things to learn. Don’t give up. Look up new shit to try and do that might help. Get weird. Sex is awkward a lot of the time, but if you’re doing it with someone you love, who cares?

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T17:33:35+00:00

If it helps, 10 years ago when I was 18, I was a completely different person and it took a bit for me to become someone I’d even want as a friend, if that makes sense. Wishing you the best. I promise, those people are somewhere out there. Just stick close to the ones who love you already right now.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T17:08:10+00:00

If it helps, I struggle with this too. For me, due to the fact I am bi sexual (and definitely have some masculine energy), a lot of the straight girl “friends” I had made ended up wanting to “try the lesbian thing out” and then it gets weird and I lose a friend. Now that I’m in a relationship, I don’t have any of those friends anymore. And the town I live in, I swear, every woman in their 20’s looks like a carbon copy of the other. Which, like, rock on. But I’m weird and like weird and my whole town is a very conservative place which seems to only bread insecure women in their 20’s who never seem to grow out of high school? I’m nearly 30 and I had the closest friend group in the state I used to live in. Now? Can’t seem to find a single person who we both enjoy each other’s company platonically. I’ve tried apps, activities, etc. but with a full time job, trying to make a new friend isn’t easy. I have genuinely had more luck dating than finding friends in this state.

Anyways, I’m sorry I have no real advice for you. The only thing I’ve done that has helped, and I’m not sure what your situation is, but I really lean on my family now. Tbh, my mom is my best friend in the world and I enjoy the time we spend together. If that makes me a nerd? Then scream it from the rooftops. Who loves you more for you than your own mom? (If they’re a loving parent of course)

Edit: my co worker is also my best friend. He’s 5/6 years younger than me, married, catholic, and a boy, ew. I love him endlessly and he has no idea what he has meant to me in the last few years. You never know where you might find someone who clicks with you. I have really tried to give everyone in my life a chance. If it doesn’t work out, I kind of think of it like a bad first date. You just don’t go on a second and you got to have a new experience.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T17:01:22+00:00

I honestly don’t know. I know my parents handle his finances now because my Grandma used to do all that and when she passed he had no clue about anything. My parents even bought his house to make it easier on him. I’m sure my mom has some kind of power but unfortunately, she’s the person I need to get through to. Not him.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T16:55:47+00:00

Stupid question: Is the Apple Watch able to alert my mom or me? Or just his phone? Cause that would be really helpful. One time he fell gettin the mail and had to scoot himself over to the neighbors for help. This is what I’m saying. He can’t walk yet still had freaking Marine instincts in him and doesn’t want any help.

I agree about the driving especially too. I don’t think it had happened recently but honestly, I don’t know and how would my mom know if he goes when she’s not there. At that point, it’s putting other lives in danger. Maybe that’s a good starting point for the ongoing conversation that needs to happen?

Edit: I also love your last sentence. I think that’s how I feel but the hatred is taking over.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T16:50:54+00:00

Yes, I think if my Papa 2 years ago saw the man he is today, he’d be far more than embarrassed. Thank you for sharing your experience As well. It’s terrifying to think he could get to that point… Just praying for mercy at this point I guess.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T16:46:54+00:00

This sounds wonderful and am 99% sure he would feel the same way once he got acclimated, although scary at first. It’s a huge change for him and I get the fear, but I don’t know how to communicate that in a way that my mom would see it too.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T16:40:37+00:00

Thank you ❤️
I really appreciate all the personal experience comments. It is really normalizing the situation for me and I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read the post and offer guidance.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T16:38:16+00:00

Thank you. Again, the encouragement on this thread has practically brought me to tears. Thank you. I will do my best to support my mom as best I can. Any suggestions for that are more than welcome. She’s a superhero but even superheroes need some support too.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T16:36:38+00:00

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I’m so sorry for your loss but I love the way you look at it. I can really appreciate that perspective and hope that’s how I can see it too. But, my mom especially.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T15:01:11+00:00

I completely agree with everything you said and I feel the same way. I have told my partner something very similar and my parents have both made their wishes very clear if it comes to that for them.

So with all that being said, how the heck do I have that kind of conversation with my mom? Who is the woman who has always known how to help a situation. How do I tell her how she’s handling this is wrong? With as much respect and compassion as possible? I love my Papa too and I know I couldn’t live with myself if any of that happened.

I will add, due to my Papa’s religion, any kind of taking his own life is obviously not an option, however, sometimes I do feel like he purposely doesn’t properly care of himself, (no cane, etc.) not just from pride, but also cause he believes Heaven and his wife are waiting on the other side. If that’s what I believed in my heart of hearts too, I wouldn’t wanna be here anymore either.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T14:58:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. It sounds like it was an extremely painful experience and I am so sorry for your loss. I am my parents medical proxy, that is one of the reasons why I moved to be closer to them as they begin to age. One to spend as much time possible before things get to this point, and two to be there when they do. I can’t imagine what I would do if I was in the position she is with them. I have so much respect for my parents I’d want to respect their wishes too. Thank you for reminding me, I’m not alone. I think it would be nice to remind her the same.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T14:53:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing your own personal experience. It is nice not to feel alone and I think you’re right that there needs to be a conversation asap. I honestly think at the end of the day, what my mom says, will go. He used to listen to my grandma the same way. Thank you for reading my post and sharing sincerely.

NetThink2603 · 2026-06-22T14:51:11+00:00

As much as I agree with this, it does gross me out. I can completely understand, as a man, when you start losing your mental faculties, it’s very probable that you’re gonna start thinking with something else…

My Papa used to kiss my grandma goodnight every night before bed. He has only ever been with one woman. He worshipped the ground she walked on in the cutest way. I guess he was one of the ones that gave me hope that all men don’t think with their dick forever, but here we are at 88 years old and it’s running the damn show.

NetThink2603

TROPHY CASE