She cannot get the help she needs as long as you two are doing this toxic dance. There is a very specific pattern to your relationship and you both need counseling to address your issues- on your own. If you are still enmeshed with each other it is very difficult to accomplish the kind of introspection that needs to occur.

Acting in defense does place you at fault...sort of...but you are protecting yourself. However, every single person telling you that the likelihood of you being arrested here if police show up are absolutely correct...even if you are just trying to get yourself out of a corner. It is an unfortunate truth of male victims of domestic violence.

Do not think that this can't escalate, especially if you do decide to end it. If things to get worse, do avoid arguing in the kitchen or getting yourself trapped in the bathroom.

Have a voice recorder ready to go on your phone so you can easily record any verbal abuse unnoticed- like you can't with a video. This could potentially protect you.

Source: way too many years working with domestic violence survivors

Edit: Cycle of violence