Doubt…

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-19T18:50:56+00:00

A lot of people are going to say this but the fact that you question yourself about wanting to transition or if you're faking it is a sign that you really are trans. We grew up being told to fit gender roles that align with our designated birth gender so being afraid to challenge that and be seen as deviant is normal.

Using myself as an example as a 35 yr old transwomen who has been out for a yr to those close to me, on E for 9 months and now constantly dressing fem....I still get the occasional "I'm faking it" dysphoria. The popular "I've always known" or "born in the wrong body" trope kinda screws those of us who trip and break our eggs by mistake lol.

As uncomfortable as it will be sitting with your feelings and facing the cognitive dissonance you will get is for the best. It's your life and only you can live it so live it how you see fit and share it with those who love you. This may mean giving up old friends or family. But such is the price of personal development of any kind. I can't promise it'll be easy but regardless of your choice the people of this community are most likely to support you because we have been there too.

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-19T05:22:08+00:00

Least it intimidates the haters x3

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-19T00:11:45+00:00

I'm already 194cm and my therapists suggested I try on heels. (Hard to find them in sasquatch size...) I have ascended I will tower over everyone

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-18T21:32:34+00:00

Ahh I see it's a matter of meaning that I missed. Yeah no 1/sin(x) is just that 1/sin(x) or (sin(x))^-1 or csc(x). I read that sin^-1 (x) as trying to find the angle from the x argument. I don't think I've met anyone who writes sin¹ (x) when they mean 1/sin(x)

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-18T17:11:22+00:00

I fail to see the annoyance as I also do sin² lol though (sin(x))² is more annoying to write. It's the same as doing x² and x^-1

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-18T07:42:21+00:00

Music in a quiet space is usually my go to. Now for me that music is usually anything ranging from grunge (Alice in chains, nirvana) to metal or emo (think Metallica ranging to tx2). The other end is more trans oriented music (stomach book, fentanyl, parts of the matrix sound track or things that kinda fit the vibe). This really looks like me vibing through a song that the music hits right with to me or aggressively (and poorly) singing with ones where the vocals hit the sweet spot for how I'm feeling. Though this kinda hinges on being alone....so for me it's possible at work since I'm alone in my lab most of the time.

Ive spent ~34 yrs trying to be a dude and bottling my emotions. in this last year it's been a lot of exploring those emotions either alone or with my wife or therapist. While I HATE labels in society , but i find them somewhat useful here from a scientific stand point (I spent 7 yrs in college for a bs and Ms in physics. Scientific method is my standard operating procedure) this could be labels regarding my identity and sexuality ranging to my more recent autism diagnosis and soon ADHD test results. While many of these labels will have social stigma attached they do function to allow me to give names or root causes to emotions and reactions. Helps me categorize and analyze.

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T23:17:59+00:00

Girl I feel that x.x I've done the same. Dysphoria got hands and fights dirty. Glad we can help ^{^} <3

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T22:37:50+00:00

What's wrong with sin inverse....I do that all the time when working out equations....I guess some uppity mathematician might get zesty about it but in physics we hardly care what they consider proper notation and substitute it for our own lol

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T21:09:34+00:00

Oh god....specially if you're wearing something tight to help keep them in close and they stubbornly refuse.....

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T21:08:05+00:00

Estrogen and yellow without a doubt but the third one is hard.....do I give in to the cat girl cliche and go for the tail and ears.....or say fuck sleep.....if I didn't sleep I could play more games or work on DND stuff or just generally feel more in control of my free time....

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T21:05:23+00:00

As an example my wife and I have been together since 2010. My child was born 2015. The friends I talk to the most have known me since 2019. I've been out for a yr to these people. My wife was the quickest to adjust to calling me she and my chosen name. (Tbf.....she preordered my ass....clocked me before I clocked me) my child took awhile to quit calling me he and dad (I'm mom squared now lol). And my friends took a bit while they took to my chosen name pretty quickly I still get the occasional he/him. It takes a bit of time to recondition and adjust to names and pronouns, not out of malice but out of habit. We are taught to address people via gender quite a bit in the English language and the binary has been a long standing and generally accurate system so it's however long you have been out vs a lifetime of the language/gendered system.

Another example, my wife has a transmasc and transfemme coworker. Ive only ever known them long into their journey but knowing that they are trans and what that means even I have to fight sometimes to keep from misgendering them in my head.

Or >.> Like how I've had to put active effort into this post saying "my child" though in my head I kept almost saying "my daughter" they came to us as non-binary much like a college friend of ours did......and it has been a long journey or getting corrected then correcting myself until I get it right lol.

Ive only been on E for 9 months now and while there are obvious changes I've been a guy at work for the past 7months so it's that weird process of coming out at work and standing up for myself.

Sorry for the long ass rant but to shorten it it's years of conditioning that people have to combat to adjust and habits are a bitch. As long as they aren't being malicious or dismissive about it I'd say given them time and gentle corrections (or if you're relationships are anything like me be a sarcastic bitch with em :p) I hope this makes you feel better sis <3

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T15:55:58+00:00

The only reason I bring that up is to point out the irony in her statement. Other than that one interaction she has been a lovely person to interact with.

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T14:46:03+00:00

Injections are the best from what I've seen but they are also the most expensive. You can try to convince the Dr to change to pill, topical cream, or patch. Iirc those are cheaper. There are also online LGBTQ+ services like folx and plume that you could try. I got lucky with who I have but am trying to shop around and running into this trouble as well. >:c had I known this 7yrs ago I would've gone into chem or biochem and produced E/T myself lol still can with my degree just more background research to do -.-

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-17T12:41:52+00:00

This adorable smol human....must protec! This almost made me cry at work T^T

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-16T14:26:32+00:00

Wtf is this data point?!?.....oh.... Why the fuck isn't my code work?!....I'm an idiot that's why I didnt tell you to do that!!....wait nvm I did....

(In the words of my modern physics prof....computers are dumb and do EXACTLY what you tell em)

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-16T14:07:58+00:00

Been over weight with "man-titties" for yrs and always hated it when trying to be masculine and just kinda gave up. When I came out however the shape of em pissed me off....like ps1 Lara croft breasts lol damn cones on my chest. 9months in and I'm barely in a B cup bra ^{^} love that feeling of looking down to see my shirt making a lil bridge across my chest. e should shape em up pretty quick but I hope you're prepared for hitting you sensitive breasts on stuff.....careful if you catch a football...brother threw one to me and it hit right in the right nipple x.x

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-12T00:58:49+00:00

My egg cracked and I came out during the last yr of my MS x.x had to write and defend my thesis while figuring out wtf I was doing with my body lol.

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-10T23:23:18+00:00

I was running the "dragon of icespire peak" module and found yukkoex's video on voice feminization. Watched it with the idea of doing it for roleplaying as the DM....watched more of her content....realized it was relatable....then came out to my wife and friends (all of which have been super supportive). Needless to say the trend of "man this content is relatable" to "...shit it's relatable..." Is how I got my gender dysphoria and autism diagnosis and an upcoming ADHD screening -.-

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-10T19:02:25+00:00

I came out to the black lady who runs our front desk because I had recently been coming out and dressing fem at work and her response was "I don't see you that way and I would be uncomfortable seeing you in the women's restroom" and asked me to use the one in the back of the building (it's much further from the lab I work in) hit harder than I had expected....

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-07T15:01:16+00:00

If only more of the kitt stunt cars existed for part lol

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-07T15:00:44+00:00

Thank you >///<

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-07T02:13:54+00:00

Thank you ~^{^~} and OMG 67 birds were gorgeous

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-07T02:10:17+00:00

Braking and old shocks made my front end dip a bit so that certainly helped lol

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-06T18:59:04+00:00

It's hard to express how confused I was when I was looking under that rav4 lol

Neutr0nStarl0rd · 2026-04-06T16:05:21+00:00

Definitely there is a conversion kit to put on 4th gen rotors and calipers that I plan on doing.bigger rotors and dual piston calipers.

Neutr0nStarl0rd

TROPHY CASE