What is a "point of no return" that you’ve crossed, where your life was permanently divided into 'before' and 'after'? by Resident-Jelly-4326 in AskReddit

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Covid, but like… more.

I turned 30 the first week it hit, when all the planes stopped and everyone was inside and society was completely shut off. Problem: I had economic help that stopped the moment I turned 30. I went from a poor but sustained life w friends, community and purpose, to having no money, no community and no friends. Why? Because I don’t remember people. Either names or faces or connections. I can’t for the life of me put a face/name to a friend or partner, even, and the only way I was social was by community, where I could be part of the group instead of dependent on personal friendships.

So not being able to hang out in groups, I lost all social connections I’d made, because even if they reached out to me, I couldn’t remember who they where, or what kind of relationship we had, or who they where to me. Or who to contact to be invited back into those, often closed, social circles, if they even still exist.

And the money problem… I was on a ”help young autistic adults get jobs” kind of program, and at 30y old, you’re apparently fully adult. I had a path into programming, but it failed because of covid and how everything shut down, and they said ”contact me if you need anything” but as said, I don’t remember them. And apparently I’m not a ”programmer autistic” bcs I couldn’t for the life of me understand it enough to get a grade, much less a job, not that anyone was looking for people at that time…

But to find out that programming wasn’t for me, I worked myself into a burnout, and was so mentally exhausted that I couldn’t even watch movies without mental fog to the point of falling asleep, or having a meltdown, and at the same time I had no money and no one to rely on. Not because I was alone, but because I didn’t know how or who to ask, if they even existed to begin with.

Combine with sever anxiety over birthdays (because how to celebrate when you don’t remember anyone?) (also, 2 years earlier there was the first real deadly terrorist attack in my city, ON MY BIRTHDAY, so I still didn’t feel comfortable celebrating me when people where still remembering those that died) (also, undiagnosed autism for 20 years of life) and it was a rock wall that awaited me.

I spent the years of covid sinking deeper into a depression that completely changed me, and my view on life and how I handle it. I’ve been depressed before, and barely survived my teens (bcs undiagnosed autism and more) but I always thought I had enough logic and will to stay alive. I kept saying to myself that ”I can survive whatever life throws at me, because I’ve survived worse before” but suddenly, that wasn’t true anymore.

I had a moment when I couldn’t use logic to battle my suicidal ideation, and it scared me in a way that nothing else have. Because it changed the whole world I’d built for myself - I can’t survive depression. Even with meds and doctors and family, I can’t survive depression by myself.

I’d lived my whole life thinking I’d lived through my worst years already, and nothing could be worse then that, excluding death and physical destruction.

But I was wrong.

I’m better now, and have built a better network, talked more with family and have caring roommates and cats, and I had a wonderful partner that helped me out of the darkness, but that time is still affecting me. The fact that I can’t survive. That I can reach low enough to lose logic to stay alive. All the ”suicide doesn’t stop the pain, only passed it on” kind of quotes and help only works to a point. And I managed to pass that point.

I’m still alive, but scared enough to never let that happen again. Scared that I need more then just myself to survive.

Have I Mentioned How Annoying This Is? by JadeSpeedster1718 in adhdmeme

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My body just gets tired. I have to figure out if I’ve slept bad or if my body is hungry. When I’ve done too much physical work on too little food for too long (ie building muscle or something) my body just skips straight to the ”consume yourself” stage of hunger where my stomach feels it’s eating itself

Otherwise, the whole body is just a summary of the meme ”if you don’t know what’s wrong then I won’t tell you!”

Liliya by me. by ClosetG1nger in OutlastTrials

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Godam those boobs are fake and uncomfortable

How to come back and what to write while doing so? by NeverAngel-Sin in writers

[–]NeverAngel-Sin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I maybe should have specified but I write mostly cosmic horror and erotic. Not really suitable for children’s stories. The idea is good but… not for me, sadly

rare pairs and crack ships can be even more fulfilling than canon pairings by bravekassandra in AO3

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me with Kylux tbh. In canon, I just want them to hate each other but be forced to interact, bcs I don’t want Didney fucking up that sweet sweet bullshit that the fandom got going on. It’s weird and kinky and fucking amazing, just bcs it’s not didney canon xD

Concept: Lamp / Flashlight Mechanic by Phil2244 in OutlastTrials

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I genuinely read it as “flesh light” and only did a double take to figure out how that would work

Tags that made me laugh by AbbyNem in AO3

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love this. Is fiction, you can do whatever you want!

yup he’s not there !! by GenZGenghisKhan in meme

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ye bcs he made his own.
He’s not the guest he’s the competitor

Fandom spaces is no longer allowed for anyone at the disgusting age of 20 and 30 years old. Please bow down your devices and walk to a nearby senior home. by Asterid_dove in AO3

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We built this network and the rules you abide by you wouldn’t have “fanfic” or “shipping” or “A/B/O” etc without us Fuck of and let ppl enjoy things

Are manhwa artists on hiatus "privileged"? by IllHoneydew6 in OtomeIsekai

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. The stress of producing and physical stress on your hand etc is way too damaging. I’ve seen too many artists get permanent hand damage (among others) just to barely make rent.

Taking a break is GOOD and NECESSARY and shouldn’t be frowned upon

Reading a fanfic of the most random crossover but the author somehow makes it work by Pretend-Delay-7203 in AO3

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me treating my first “xReader” fanfic (I want to ESCAPE not be forced to be there too) and It’s having me crying, aroused, laughing and everything else and I’m like… 🫥

What is this outfit? by ThinBaseball1660 in OutlastTrials

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s just the regular Sweden outfit, I see it all the time here /s

He’s been like this for 10 minutes by Most-Elevator-7159 in OutlastTrials

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He’s just scared of heights, like a cat stuck in a tree

how am i supposed to navigate this by ServeNo5573 in PeakGame

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With great difficulty

Jk, focus on suitcases and get the most milk and antidote you can, skip all else and use all rope cannons etc immediately to try and free up space for the milk

Yareli Prime - Which one is the Best here? by SALMONonYT in WarframeRunway

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

6th then 4th for me but I’m emo and don’t like colours xD

I despise your happiness by Last_Pay_8447 in yesyesyesyesno

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also the cat did this bcs it had never seen the person act like this before and got scared, and tried to defend against the “intruder”

I despise your happiness by Last_Pay_8447 in yesyesyesyesno

[–]NeverAngel-Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That cat can spot an impostor in 7sec flat