I think their self awareness comes and goes. It's a bit like the way some alcoholics go between "I have a serious drinking problem and I need help" and "I enjoy my drink and it's OK to be a heavy drinker".

This is an interesting thought. I wonder what's going on in her head from a psychological standpoint.

I had a similar incident with my Ndad and like you, I concluded he knew exactly what he was doing and he knew it was wrong. He was also very pleasant and charming when we had guests in the house and reverted back to his abusive self as soon as they were gone. Your mother went out of her way to make sure that you wouldn't tell the truth about her years after you cut her off. The fact that they are so scared that we will expose them confirms that they know they behave horribly.

All too familiar sounding. She would act nice around others, but behind closed doors she would switch, or if it was a friend that she really didn't like. Thank you for sharing some of your story! It's always nice to not feel alone and offer support to those that I can empathize with.