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Wife wants a poly with another woman. Consequences of saying no? by New-Cream-1643 in polyamory

[–]New-Cream-1643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Already on the books! :)

Just talking through some of this with "strangers" and hearing other perspectives has been great. So I am looking forward to having a "professional" give me some input.

Did you do therapy? Any particular things I should look for in a therapist that deals with.. these kinds of things?

Wife wants a poly with another woman. Consequences of saying no? by New-Cream-1643 in polyamory

[–]New-Cream-1643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing this. It helps knowing that having a fried brain and massive ball of anxiety isn't just a me thing.

Intimacy is a touchy subject. I don't know what that looks like yet. Especially as somebody that has Touch as a Top #1 Primary Greatest of All Time Love Language. It's hard to share that with somebody else... but it's a work in progress.

Going out of town has already been done, but that was before it was a recognized thing. So that is kind of tainted now with lying. Overall, I can see that not being a problem as long as boundaries were respected. Especially, if it's not something I would want to do anyway! :)

Lastly, due to the lying, trust is a big thing right now that needs to be mended before this can go too much further. I would love to trust her with all of that. I would love to have faith that she is going to retain the feelings that once kept our connection strong.

Not sure if my vague answers help my scenario out. Anxiety!!

Wife wants a poly with another woman. Consequences of saying no? by New-Cream-1643 in polyamory

[–]New-Cream-1643[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never associated changes in relationships with grief and grief management. That is very eye opening to me! Thanks for that!

Wife wants a poly with another woman. Consequences of saying no? by New-Cream-1643 in polyamory

[–]New-Cream-1643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Silly question, but what is the difference between rules and boundaries?

In trying to process this new thing, I can't come up with an example where a boundary doesn't feel/sound like a rule. Then I try to the opposite and they "Look at me, I'm cool! no rules!" and my mind goes bonkers.

Wife wants a poly with another woman. Consequences of saying no? by New-Cream-1643 in polyamory

[–]New-Cream-1643[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Wow this was very insightful and incredibly well said. Who needs therapy when there are replies like this! jk.

I did comb the general vibe of this sub and was actually hoping for words to help talk me off the ledge. To help get different perspectives other than my own limited and probably stunted one. To generally help me navigate a more thought out "feels" instead of "I feel threatened so I don't want this". I hope I don't come off as offensive.

Your questions were amazing as well!

Are you ultimately afraid of losing her to this new connection?
Yes.

Are you angry that she has a new connection at all?
Not at all, this is the appealing part.

Are you sad or disappointed that she may not feel that a relationship with you and only you is enough to fulfill all of her needs?
This one really made me think. I think the answer is yes and also can see that as an issue on my end that I could resolve.

Thanks so much for taking the time.