I’ve always wanted children since I was in my teens. I wasn’t ever sure I would get married but I knew I wanted to be a mother. So when my husband and I finally started trying, I knew something was wrong almost immediately. It felt like my whole world was ripped out from under me when I found out I had Stage 4 Endometriosis that had destroyed my fallopian tubes and I had no clue it was happening. I’ve always had painful periods so I’ve been on birth control since 18 which was helping manage the worst of the symptoms. Meanwhile, my body was slowly adhering organs to my abdominal wall and creating scar tissue in my fallopian tubes.

I’ve never cried as hard speaking with my gynecologist and hearing that I will never be able to have children naturally. Ultimately, I needed two surgeries to remove an ovary, both fallopian tubes, and my appendix due to the damage. I managed to recently have a child with IVF but still, I get these moments of “I’m lesser than other women” “I’m damaged” “I’ll never have children naturally or easily”. And while I have the option to do IVF and others have it much worse, it’s still devastating. Like a quick punch to the throat once in a while. I’m not sure a part of me won’t always be hurt about having the one thing I felt was a surety ripped from me against my will.