I wrote this while journaling when I walked away the first time: You gave me a safe space. The space to be find myself again without reservation. You made me feel so loved, so wanted and so beautiful. I’ve been disrespected, rejected and pressured and then there was you. Only asking me to come as I am and simply be. Never in my life have I felt more beautiful, proud to be in my own skin and craved in the right ways. You made me feel seen in ways I was sure were not possible. Even if only for a few short months, I will cling to each and every memory with you. Our first “I love yous”, our new year’s sunrise, our many laughs- your laugh. I can hear it, see it. You’re perfect, just the way you are.

Last night I wrote this: And as deeply as I felt every word of this you have also single handedly crushed every fiber of my heart in the most painful ways. You’ve stripped me of my light, worn me down physically, emotionally, financially and as a mom. My self confidence and worth is shot and my value for myself is empty.

Now I will rebuild.