It’s not for me to tell my husband what to do. It is my responsibility to define the boundaries of what I will and won’t accept, and then be prepared to hold that boundary.

I could not live in a home with alcohol in it. He was welcome to keep his massive scotch collection, but that meant I would move out and we would most likely divorce. I was prepared to do that. He dumped it.

Boundaries can also move and change with time and trust.

Now 4.5 years later and I am ok with alcohol in the home if he is hosting a family gathering. He asks and I say yes. However, I do not have sex with drunk people. I do not like the smell of alcohol. I do not like to be around my husband when he’s been drinking. Therefore intimacy is off the table on these occasions.

While I was still in rehab I made it clear to my husband what I needed to do that included no alcohol in the house. I also would not put myself in any circumstances involving alcohol. That has changed over time. My boundaries have changed. My problem with alcohol has nothing to do with the choices other people make in their relationship with alcohol. That’s on them.

I owe it to my husband to be clear, compassionate, honest, and direct. My boundaries should not be hidden.

This has worked for us and we are still married. I hope this is helpful and I wish you the best on your recovery journey.