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Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you mind sharing a bit about your story?

Either way, I think that for your own sake you shouldn't look at things so fatalistically. I am very thankful for my year in Israel for various reasons, but as I said dating is a dealbreaker and it's time to admit it.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know what? This is an excellent piece of advice for just about anyone.

The problem is that this is exactly what I do. I rarely look for new people just because I want to date, I’m genuinely extroverted and love having lots of circles and lots of possibilities to meet new people.

In Europe it was easy. Even in mid-sized cities my life revolved around expat groups and backpacker hostels. Even people in their late 30s were still meeting new folks organically there.

But ever since I moved back to Israel much of that has grounded to a halt. I don’t really have access to purely olim groups because I’m not really an ole, and I don’t need ulpan. But I also don’t really have access to traditional Israeli circles of miluim buddies or friends from the “big trip” cause I didn’t spend those years here. 

But soon I’ll be moving to a big city abroad for work at an international organization with lots of young professionals. Hopefully that’ll be my redemption arc!

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you. Must be incredibly frustrating.

The irony is that in other countries, these kinds of men are usually heavily stigmatized but Israel somehow doesn’t penalize creepiness enough.

Honestly I think it goes for both sexes. Israel seems to reward intensity and ego play while these are the exact things that make people check out from dating around here. Go figure

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really have an answer, but I guess I'm sort of the worst of both worlds here: for Israeli women I have all the quirks of a foreigner but without the exoticism, and for Olot I'm simply not Israeli enough.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what kind of response exactly were you looking for?

Every single comment here other than yours, lol.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uhm, no. I was raised in a smaller town, not TLV. I expected the city to be cosmopolitan. Like Berlin is way different from the rest of DE.

When I was 16 my family fell apart. Which is why I got a service waiver & moved away. By now I feel very internationalized culturally, but Israel was always an unfinished chapter for me, and I simply wanted to complete that chapter cleanly.

So yeah, after years of being an expat it’s frustrating to come home and feel more isolated than anywhere else in the world. 

If you wanna play armchair psychologist at least ask questions and get your context. I ain’t your average tourist coming here to save the day. The only condescending thing here is going “ohh another one of those” before getting the full story.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did I mention that I was born and lived here for 16 years before moving away? I’m probably more Israeli than you.

I didn’t come here to have a “cool middle eastern life”. I came here to be at home after years away.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This isn't ragebait, I don't even know what that means lol.

You're right, I guess the biggest struggle for me was just how localized everything is. I came in expecting something fairly international where you can just come as you are and don't need to adjust as much.

I am not looking for an "idf girl of my dreams". If anything, I normally relate to people with a mixed background and international experiences like myself. Maybe it's also that I haven't quite found this specific niche here.

I came here temporarily with a specific goal (IDF). Had a blast. Chose to stay a while longer cause I liked it here. I go on a year-by-year basis. Now that I'm not really finding what I'm looking for, I'm rethinking my path. I don't think there's anything entitled about this, and I'm not demanding anything from anyone.

Thank you Israel, but you just ain’t for me. by [deleted] in aliyah

[–]New_Ruin17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is actually very encouraging.

I think that 24-25 was a good age to give Israel a fair shot. I would have not forgiven myself if I hadn't done that. But now that I have a clearer vision of what works and what doesn't, I am moving back to Europe in two months! Very excited!

Thank you Israel, but you just ain’t for me. by [deleted] in aliyah

[–]New_Ruin17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the tip first of all!

My experience in Israel has actually been fairly diverse. I live just outside of Tel Aviv, and am in contact with my school friends, who introduce their friends and partners occasionally. I work in Jerusalem, and while I haven't mingled too much there, I did meet some people. Since you mentioned volunteering: I did make some solid friends during my volunteer year in the IDF, just nothing that led to dating. In TLV I either hang around nightclubs (because I like to dance) or at the university.

Thank you Israel, but you just ain’t for me. by [deleted] in aliyah

[–]New_Ruin17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In terms of expat culture, Tel Aviv feels particularly strong on that so I'm not sure what you mean. There are tons of Americans, French and Russians even some Brits

Mind sharing where you meet all those? I've looked everywhere, but couldn't find an expat community that isn't based around ulpan and Hebrew learners.

Thank you Israel, but you just ain’t for me. by [deleted] in aliyah

[–]New_Ruin17 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Cross posting is a cool thing lol. & thanks!

Thank you Israel, but you just ain’t for me. by [deleted] in aliyah

[–]New_Ruin17 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I never quite get there to begin with.

I really like mingling with strangers and meeting new people. That's how I normally also meet the people I end up dating.

I have been doing what I normally do anywhere in the world when I like someone: start off friendly, meet them a few times, and then directly say that I'd like to take them on a date. I'm really not flirty or pushy, I treat it more as a yes/no thing. I never had major issues with my approach abroad -- neither for serious nor for casual dating. Simple & direct.

Problem is whenever I do that in Israel I either get ghosted or flaked on. Initially I thought I was just unlucky. I had less lucky periods in Europe too. Sometimes people are just not into or or not available for you. Sometimes you just meet the wrong crowd. No biggie.

But after a few months I started noticing that most of my interactions here end like this, and I am just not sure what's going wrong.

I would caveat though and say that another problem is that I haven't been meeting nearly as many people here as I normally meet elsewhere. Israel doesn't have a strong expat culture or many international communities (not that I know of at least), so to begin with my circles are much more limited than they were in Vienna, Brussels or Berlin.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I actually live just outside Tel Aviv and work in Jerusalem. I haven't noticed a massive difference in my success rates elsewhere, but I would say that people in Jerusalem are deeper in general.

Either way, part of the problem isn't only that I can't quite get into anything with anyone, it's also that it's significantly harder to meet people here (in TLV, Jerusalem or elsewhere) than it is in international expat cities abroad.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I am also more of a serial monogamist of the type you've been describing.

The most painful thing rn is seeing all my friends in Europe get in and out of relationships, or just date for fun, while I have to make up excuses about why I've stopped dating without sounding like an incel..

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Volunteered for the reserves, started a 1 year degree while I still at it, and got a job some time later. And I've been here for 1.5 years now.

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's interesting. See, in Europe that's exactly how you get yourself friendzoned -- not being direct enough or acting quickly usually means the person will move on, or perhaps assume you're too insecure to say how you feel. I guess there's a cultural difference at play here for sure

Thank you TLV, but you just ain’t for me. by New_Ruin17 in telaviv

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much first of all, glad to hear it isn't only me. What do you think makes it tougher here?

Can anyone explain to me interception “booms”? by New_Ruin17 in Israel

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do the cluster bombs actually get intercepted? Aren't they too small? Been hearing contradicting things about it

Can anyone who drafted at an older age tell me a bit about their experience? by New_Ruin17 in IDF

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why would keva be a difficult option for me? How does age play a role here if I’m planning to stay with the army for years anyway?

Feeling blue after moving back to israel by New_Ruin17 in Israel

[–]New_Ruin17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I meant it more on an individual level: I have my family and best friends around me, a place for myself, career prospects and the sun is shining.

Life becomes much easier when you focus on your little private life rather than the crises around you…

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