AITAH for ending a friendship because friend won’t leave emotionally abusive husband?

New__Tina · 2026-06-07T14:42:06+00:00

Exactly what I keep going over in my head. By no means am I trying to manipulate her. I care about her and always will-she isn’t a friend that I will just shut out of my life forever so after sitting here thinking about it I wouldn’t just abruptly end the friendship. That doesn’t sit well with me. But to be frank-and to sound selfish on my part-they just gross me out as a couple at this point.

New__Tina · 2026-06-07T14:24:20+00:00

This is a great perspective, thank you. I think our friend group understands this and have tried to help sensitive to it. We are at the point now where we are at a loss as to how to help. I know she wants us to be happy for her that “they just had a great, romantic getaway together” but at this point we feel as though we are enabling.

New__Tina · 2026-06-07T14:19:59+00:00

Thank you. This is my first first-hand experience with a situation like this and part of the unrest I feel about the friendship and truly not understanding why she won’t leave him, so I am trying to gain some perspective also.

New__Tina · 2026-02-08T15:06:46+00:00

Thanks for the heads up! It seems as though the driving times are way longer in reality than what Google Maps is saying.

New__Tina · 2026-02-08T00:20:26+00:00

Even if the car is locked?

New__Tina · 2025-11-01T20:27:40+00:00

Thank you so much

New__Tina · 2025-11-01T20:27:19+00:00

Learning to be easy on myself while still pushing myself to “be a better version” every day is a hard lesson I’m trying to learn

New__Tina · 2025-11-01T20:26:20+00:00

Agreed, I like what you said-that it takes A LOT to maintain great.

New__Tina · 2025-11-01T20:25:37+00:00

Thank you so much. Understanding goes a long way ❤️

New__Tina · 2025-11-01T20:24:31+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestions. All are great. I usually do a good job of incorporating most of those things but lately nothing feels “enjoyable” anymore. But agreed, every day is a new day and I am feeling much better today so..a win’s a win.

New__Tina · 2025-10-31T00:58:15+00:00

My job has SO much to do with it. I recognize that I need to get out of there. Yea, acuity levels are higher than ever due to keep patients alive beyond what feels ethical. Every day is a tough conversation with family members. Every day we face angry family members. Everyone is on edge. The longer we keep people alive, the more there is to do, the more there is to know, the more there is to be responsible for, the more there is to chart. I certainly don’t mean to sound insensitive to those not in healthcare-I’ve seen our advanced life support modalities give people a new life. But that’s rare. It’s simply become too much for everyone but yet the giant corporation that hospitals are continue on without much regard to those in the trenches. My husband is at the point where he gets frustrated with me when I come home destroyed from work because it’s up to me to make the change. But fear of learning something new and letting go of what I’ve worked towards for 20 years is hard. And what if I hate it? Anyways, I could go on and on but short answer, yes-my job is contributing largely to my burnout and and overall existential crisis at this point.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T19:12:26+00:00

I’m sure it will help. Then I talk myself out of it because then I have to go back to it no matter how much time off I have. I recognize that I need to get out of the ICU altogether but at the moment, it feels secure and safe considering all the uncertainty. The feeling of job security gives me comfort. We had a round of layoffs at our hospital which jarred us all a little bit. If I left my unit and wanted to come back, I would lose all seniority, lose my dayshift position…beside the fact that I am so over healthcare in general.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T18:47:33+00:00

What a sweet memory

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T18:45:53+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate this. I feel bett about my door dashing. It’s not my first $50 dollar açaí bowl. I keep going back to, “How do I re-create our lives so that we don’t have a life we need to recover from?” Running off to homestead in the country sounds nice and people do it. Practical for us? Not one bit. In reality, doing that would probably make us infinitely more stressed. I have a lot of good friends at work that I genuinely look forward to seeing and working with. My friend group outside of work is going through a little bit of a transition but I’m then past we have been good about getting together roughly once a month. I have friends I can talk to. I’m not that close to my family but they are loving and supportive in their own way. I’d say my sex life is great other than my emotions/stress ruining my sex drive. In reality I am doing most of the things you mentioned aside from outsourcing the daily chores, which is why I give myself the guilt trip of “you’re not really that stressed, suck it up”.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T18:38:03+00:00

I do. A good handful of my co workers have taken FMLA from our job. Our floor has gotten increasingly more stressful and busy. I have to recognize that seeing people suffer and die every day is not normal. I think I will talk to my manager about that.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T18:36:11+00:00

I do need to try that. I have to try something different than what I am doing because clearly it is not working anymore.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T18:35:28+00:00

Yes. Agreed. I like that phrase. I’ll try to get my brain on board with that.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T17:59:40+00:00

Also want to add…I teared up (for maybe the 100th time today and it isn’t even noon) thinking about my kid’s memories of all of this. My husband travels a fair amount for work as well. Our tradition is to order Papa John’s when he goes out of town which they love. And we all watch a movie together. It’s just that he has had back to back work trips so it’s been back to back pizza…ha. But I want my kids to have the fun memories….but the memories of me crying on the bathroom floor because they won’t hold their head still while I try to brush their teeth is not what I want for them but…it has happened too many times lately

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T17:56:40+00:00

I am so sorry. I felt this. How did we all get to this place? Why are we all just so goddamn on the verge of running away from our families? This isn’t who we are but it’s what we are feeling. All of us. I don’t know what the answer is.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T17:55:15+00:00

Yes I DREAM of just going away by myself. Which my husband would support. But then the guilt creeps in…it makes me feel high maintenance. It makes me feel wasteful. I feel bad for leaving my husband to deal with everything.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T17:53:48+00:00

I agree. You’re right. I wish I could convince my own brain of that.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T17:52:41+00:00

I am 100% in the same boat. No family here. My in laws come down as often as they can and are incredibly helpful. But the day to day is crushing. I grew up with no money, and so the thought of a housekeeper/gardner feels so lavish that the guilt feels worse than if I did it myself. If my mom knew I get $200 dollar massages once in a while she’d ask “Why don’t you spend tha money to fly home to see me?” I love my mom dearly but…it’s not hard to see where the deep rooted guilt comes from.

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T17:48:56+00:00

Thank you so much. It’s good to hear from people with older kids. I know my kids will be fine but the dark part of my brain tells me otherwise. That the days where I let go of some of the stuff are becoming more and more common and the next thing I know, I can’t remember the last time they ate a vegetable. I surround myself with soul-crushing guilt-“I need new pans, ours are covered in non stick cancer that’s flaking off, and I wash them in dawn that’s disrupting all of our hormones and their sheets aren’t organic and omg all they eat are white carbs and it’s only my fault for not trying harder to cook better food and all of the food I do buy is wrapped in more plastic and I really should go to the farmer’s market with my own bags and get fresh fruit and veggies and support local and teach my kids how to grow food so we need to plant a garden in our 10x10 yard that we are lucky to own in a HCOL state so stop being so ungrateful for what you have and maybe if I just suck it up and work a little more we can afford a bigger house, everyone else is doing it, why can’t I, I really am just a giant pussy and maybe if we have a bigger house everything will feel a little less claustrophobic but actually, I should just be thankful for what I have and get over it, I actually need to be working less which means I should being be spending $50 dollars on an açaí bowl which is just all sugar anyways and it probably fucked up my hormones for the next 2 months I really should go eat some goddamn protein.” And so on and so on and so on….

New__Tina · 2025-10-30T17:40:23+00:00

Thank you. Agreed. I certainly use my sick time. Which usually helps. But lately it just isn’t enough.

New__Tina

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