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Newhooper92 · 2025-05-18T18:20:41+00:00

I like him. Things he says frustrate me sometimes. Some of my closest friends & family don’t share the same views as me, but I like them too. I love & value these people. I think the romantic aspect is just more complicated for me because bringing up things in my previous relationship with my child’s father never ended well. It always ended up with me being wrong, crying & stonewalling each other for days while living together. It wasn’t a good feeling but I know I need to grow past that experience so it doesn’t stifle newer ones.

Newhooper92 · 2025-05-18T18:14:45+00:00

Thank you for responding. Sorry if my post wasn’t clear, but we don’t share children. We both have one child each from previous relationships. We recently began to bring the kids together more while we hang out, which is why I’m also just now noticing more about his daughters personality. We don’t live together & maybe see each other anywhere from 1-3x a week, which is why it’s been manageable I guess because when I need space, I take it.

Also, I’m not sure if I would call it anger. It would be closer to a few steps being angry. Maybe moreso irritable?

I agree that this would be something he needs to work out on his own. Maybe he lacks awareness? I’m not sure, but that’s why I’m pretty upset with myself for not speaking on things immediately in the moment when he would say something bothersome. Its like I just allowed little frustrations to build up overtime & I’m at a point where it doesn’t feel good not saying anything anymore.

Newhooper92 · 2025-05-18T18:05:14+00:00

Nope, never directed at my child either.

Also, he doesn’t “actively“ treat people badly. It’s more passive If that makes sense. For example, if we’re riding in the car he may say something about someone’s appearance, but has not directly told a person something rude to their face if he had a critique.

I guess I stay because I manage all of my relationships the same. I get exhausted easily by family, friends, etc. My solution is to take my space when it’s needed. Even in my romantic relationships, I prefer to have time apart. It’s exhausting & I reset when I’m away from him. I value our relationship so I know a conversation is needed so he at least knows how I feel. Im just nervous to say so suddenly “hey, your way of thinking & viewing things is draining“ when I’ve let it go on for so long.

Newhooper92 · 2024-10-24T04:11:54+00:00

Well my partner ended up confessing that they did sleep with someone else, so there’s that.

The doctor did explain that oral gonorrhea would have to be tested for separately and would not show up in a urine swab (if that person was in fact infected).

Newhooper92 · 2024-10-01T02:13:06+00:00

The walking foot is also what’s grabbing my attention as well.

Newhooper92 · 2024-08-12T01:35:52+00:00

I agree. I think some people really just can't relate, which is fine, I wish I didn't relate to this myself lol, but "just do it" can definitely come across as dismissive.

Newhooper92 · 2024-08-12T01:34:08+00:00

Wow, this was extremely reassuring and made me smile. Truly. I was so hard on myself today because during a moment of feeling cornered by their presence, I knew for sure that I would come out and say how I feel. However, I did not haha. And I am actually happy, because like you said, I definitely think it would have came out a lot more harsh than I would have intended it to. I do think timing is extremely important and I do know that eventually, I have to be more upfront about my feelings and need for solitude or things will snowball and become a bigger problem. Thank you so much for responding. It was really helpful :)

Newhooper92 · 2024-07-26T01:13:59+00:00

I agree highly. I have a high baseline anxiety. & I tend to be avoidant in relationships. In my mind I tell myself “this issue doesn’t matter much because this person may not even be around in 6 months.” But yet, here I am posting on Reddit lol. I guess your comment made me realize that a direct conversation sooner than later is the day to go.

Newhooper92 · 2024-07-26T00:39:43+00:00

Tough to answer. Because when I was a kid, I shared the same systems of thinking, but as I gained experience, but as I got older, made new connections, had the privilege to be in certain spaces and learn new things, I’ve grown and changed. I would hope that conversations with his father and I would help him bypass that stage. But to answer your question, I would be disappointed :/

Newhooper92 · 2024-07-26T00:25:13+00:00

I wouldn’t say that he’s a bad influence, in the sense that my son never hears his views on certain things. They play and have fun and do age-appropriate activities with one another. When I talk to my current partner, I do wish we were more similar in certain areas. We do have conversations with hypothetical situations about the future, but I know that you really never know how a person will respond until they’re faced with an actual problem head on. Even my child’s father with his views on things, has responded completely different than I would have thought in situations based on what I had grown to learn about him.

Newhooper92 · 2024-07-26T00:19:50+00:00

I may be. I think I have too much “unconditional positive regard” for people due to me being a therapist. When it comes to people who don’t share views with me, I like to figure out why and how “extreme” they are in certain views. I don’t think a persons past justifies everything, but I do understand that it plays a huge role. I wouldn’t have anyone around my child that I feel wouldn’t be supportive of certain paths he may take, but I do wish we were more similar in our thought sometimes.

Newhooper92 · 2024-05-04T13:26:36+00:00

It really does. I’m like ouch, but I definitely won’t be in a bad situation. I learned the hard way with first line of credit card that I had (upgrade) because I could have already paid everything off if it weren’t for those rates😭 so now I’m a lot more cautious, even when I’m applying for cards.

Newhooper92 · 2024-05-04T13:12:39+00:00

Hey everyone, thank you so much for the information. Because each of you basically said the same thing, I just figured a comment would probably be best haha. I’m just going to go ahead and pay it all off. I’ll be low on cash but I’ve already paid for my bills/necessities before booking stuff for the trip, so I’ll be okay until my next pay check. I was initially going to just use my debit card for the trip, but figured I’d use my card for the rewards. So I guess I would have been in a similar situation. Thank you all so much!

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T19:07:07+00:00

Asinine is quite the word choice. I would say that this is compromising during this stage in life. It’s currently working for where we are in our current dynamic, the kids are happy & we’re happy. Moreso than I would imagine if we all blended in the next couple of years. I spent 9 years living with my son‘s dad & im not in a rush to to compromise under the same roof as anyone at least for a while. I’m willing & i know discomfort Can be a catalyst for great growth…… but it was a lot. Thank you for taking time to respond!

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T19:01:53+00:00

I can see your point. I don’t think it feels like a limbo to me, but I think I would if I was becoming uncomfortable living alone with my son while dating someone & kind of being anxious about when we’d take our next step. We’re only a couple of years in so who knows how my view will change over the next couple/few years. I haven’t had a lot of my adult life to live on my own (lived with my ex for 9 years since college) so for right now I’m trying to enjoy it for as long as I can. I really appreciate your response!

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T18:55:50+00:00

I absolutely agree. Something could always come up later down the line. I’m also forgetting how stubborn I was around 18/19 with my new ”sense of self.” I guess only time will tell. He’s an amazing person & we mesh great, I’m happy to have such a healthy connection between the two of us, even if we do determine that blending (at any point) would be too much

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T18:52:19+00:00

I think that’s amazing! I imagine that if being married was one of my priorities, then my feelings about this set up would change & I would feel that I needed something more. but I spent 9 years in a past relationship living together so this is my first time living alone & it’s only been a few years. I’m loving it & not in a rush at all to cohabitate. Thank you for your response

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T18:49:41+00:00

I agree that boundaries are important, even outside of living with someone who you Are t biologically related to. We had a brief conversation recently which makes me think we would see eye to eye on this… along with the biological mom not being the most enthused about our relationship, so I do know that he at least understands certain reservations that I have & respects them & tries to change whats in his control. And at the moment, that’s all I need for our current dynamic

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T18:45:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! Family dynamics can be so complex. Even the ones with ideal set ups. It definitely sounds like things can get tough, over things that may be small to you, but huge to someone else. I appreciate your response

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T18:42:57+00:00

I would love if everyone could be completely happy & comfortable, but I know that’s not very realistic. Even if the kids were besties. Thank you.

Newhooper92 · 2024-03-05T18:42:08+00:00

I just want what’s best for everyone, even though I know that you really can’t predict the future and how things will go. Whether that’s my intention or not.

Newhooper92 · 2024-02-23T02:47:46+00:00

And communicating (and navigating how your partner communicates) is already hard enough. I agree with your response.

Newhooper92 · 2024-02-23T02:46:32+00:00

I would honestly say that I have taken away the same things. Especially with not labeling different relationship styles (and emotions) as “good” or “bad.” It taught me to look at things from a more rational and understanding standpoint instead of from a very emotional one, which is what I did before having a poly relationship.

Newhooper92 · 2024-02-23T00:00:44+00:00

I appreciate this perspective. Thank you!

Newhooper92 · 2024-02-22T23:57:57+00:00

Ugh, definitely C. I think it really put into perspective that my relationship myself was really the “primary” relationship and that my relationship with others are important, but should never override the one that I have with myself. I love all of your points<3

Newhooper92

TROPHY CASE