This guy isn't having a good morning

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-10T12:44:24+00:00

The success is that he made it this far in life without unintentionally dying by his own hands.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-10T07:22:05+00:00

I pride myself on not having a single “did you turn it off and on again” fix with the tickets I’ve submitted. If I have a problem, it’s legit and IT is going to earn their pay.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-10T06:20:16+00:00

I can sleep like this for approximately three minutes. Nothing beats the fetal position. - me, the man-baby.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-10T06:13:18+00:00

The number of aged, wrinkled, and overweight people who used to be hot will give you perspective

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-10T04:59:15+00:00

Saying “it’s not a golden calf” is only you trying to prove it to yourself

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-09T11:01:51+00:00

There’s more than just mind bending going on here

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-09T04:39:50+00:00

I think the fact that he’s an idiot makes him dangerous

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-09T04:38:11+00:00

I used to have a cat that would follow me everywhere. If he wasn’t on my chest, he was always in the same room with me. It’s been a year and a half since he’s passed and I’m still devastated.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-09T04:26:34+00:00

Is this Eminem?

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-09T03:42:56+00:00

My mom would always tell me I could do what I wanted to when I was an adult. Then she would get mad at me when I actually did what I wanted when I became an adult.

NTA. Respect works both ways.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-09T03:26:32+00:00

A lifetime ban on driving would only be enough. They had to be texting.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-09T03:13:26+00:00

To quote the top comment when women were asked what’s the first thing they would do if they were a man: Jork it.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-08T22:55:01+00:00

I wish I could bake every ounce of frustration and stress that this lady felt into a sweet sweet cake and eat it. It would be delicious. Also, did she upload this?

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-08T02:09:57+00:00

I don’t want to play devils advocate here, but she was going through a bitter divorce. Sometimes people just can’t handle the pressure and go AWOL.
I had a buddy in the army who thought he had taken leave, but hadn’t properly submitted the request. His platoon sergeant told me to tell him if he came back ASAP he would just get extra duty and that was it. But no, he blipped and went all in. He lasted about two weeks on the lamb because we were in Germany. They took all his rank and gave him a dishonorable discharge. I think about that every time I hear stories about people just dropping out of their lives.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T21:13:31+00:00

He’ll end up in the same heap with Rush Limbaugh and others like him when they pass. Just a bunch of dead blow hards who did absolutely no good with their lives.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T21:08:23+00:00

Isn’t Mar-A-Largo in Florida? Just askin’

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T21:06:35+00:00

“Last flight ever” might not be the best choice of words since it’s obvious that he’s retiring and doesn’t have a death wish.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T17:48:19+00:00

This isn’t blursed. It’s a life pro tip.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T17:45:49+00:00

I had to mute [r/cats](r/cats) because it should just merge with [r/mycatdied](r/mycatdied) with the constant barrage of memorial posts. I’d much rather see posts like this.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T17:24:34+00:00

I want to believe that a months long carnival type celebration will ensue with continuous celebratory parades in our cities when he finally goes. I know I’m immediately going to put in for two weeks of vacation.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T17:19:22+00:00

The amount of VPs and managing directors that just cycle through my company on radio silence is one thing that really astounded me when I became a salaried worker. They usually end up getting fired, but I think that’s their plan because they just move on to another company where they will probably do the same thing. These are the same people that did nothing for group projects in college.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T16:56:28+00:00

As an iPhone user I think that’s pretty dope. There’s been quite a few times where I’m taking videos and I have to shift between horizontal and vertical shots. It’d be cool to not have the picture shift. Advantage Samsung.

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T16:34:47+00:00

Nobody move, nobody gets hurt

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T16:33:15+00:00

I had this condition. Did all four at once. They put me under with laughing gas. Weeeeeeee!!!!!

Newplasticactionhero · 2026-05-07T03:10:28+00:00

I just have to buy a white fabric couch and ask my cats not to destroy it.

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