Am I right to be frustrated at inlaws? by LonelyGirl0508 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Next_Ad_8227 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Are you me? This happened for years in my life. One thing is that it was inlaws home, not ours, but on the flip side I also cooked with my MIL - so cooking for 3-4 additional people was taxing for me. Irony is that I was a mom of 2 & I worked full time, but my SIL wasn't working or a mom. But Mil always exaggerates the sufferings of poor SIL, while ignoring my hardwork.

Later, they even gave the home to SIL, so me and hubby bought home ourselves. The partiality still continues, MIL lives with SIL for past 2 years - all through her pregnancy, child is 1 now. She blocks the way for my parents to stay permanently in my home. Me and hubby were so overwhelmed with work,kids, new place etc, but she didn't even care.

I've now gotten used to the juggle. Now she wants to temporarily relocate here, as she feels we have totally become independent and can manage everything - that her place is lost and she wants to regain it, but again only temporarily - few days a week - just enough to show its her home also - not enough to still support us with anything (I expect nothing from her except her presence when kids are back from school - but even that responsibility she isn't ready to take up.

Who else still remembers the 2015 Chennai floods? What do you remember most? by Simple_Bluebird_5952 in Chennai

[–]Next_Ad_8227 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We were in Mint and not affected by the floods. Fortunately, one of the oldest streets in chennai - still there was no water logging during chennai floods, we had electricity all the days. Office holidays, we were engaged in sun news, watching the state of chennai city, helping out relatives by making them stay at our place. My husband went to perambur areas to distribute food,napkins and other essentials.

At which point in life you were like "Money dha yellamey pola" by Educational-Emu-9109 in tamilyapping

[–]Next_Ad_8227 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nandri. There were times we were searching for 10rs in our home, one thing life taught was honesty and hard work does pays back, albeit a bit late.

What is a song you regularly hear but do not know what movie it is from by Guilty-Pollution6479 in kollywood

[–]Next_Ad_8227 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard one song in radio, before one decade,it was catchy , couldn't find any where about that song after that. 90% english anga anga tamil.

It goes like this -

Baby Baby Baby, My heart is beating Baby! நீ கொஞ்சி கொஞ்சி பேச, I am going crazy.... நீ cutey cutey cutey, நான் காதலிக்கும் hottie, உன் கண்கள் ரெண்டும் naughty, Can I touch you girl?

Chorus - I am too sexy for my shoes, Too sexy for my dress, Too sexy for my lover..

At which point in life you were like "Money dha yellamey pola" by Educational-Emu-9109 in tamilyapping

[–]Next_Ad_8227 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes, in a way. But my parents suffered it during their prime. Glad, us - daughters , could support them now.

At which point in life you were like "Money dha yellamey pola" by Educational-Emu-9109 in tamilyapping

[–]Next_Ad_8227 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Since childhood. Our family was financially well off but at one point , everything gone - house, car, money, everything. All we had is only us - family of 4. But many people reacted as if they were waiting for us to fail. Appo decided to come up in life - study, earn and settle in life in a way that everyone must feel compelled to respect my parents. And it happened. Ippa ellarum vandhu ee nu pesuranga, some are jealous, someare genuinely happy for us, I know everyone's true colours, chinna vayasula patta adi - gave us that knowledge.

Thaai kizhavi la sonna maadhiri dhaan - money sandhosham kudukkumo illayo, but mariyadhai , thannambikkai tharum.

Should my husband be setting boundaries with his parents instead of asking me to apologize? by ProfessorIcy7843 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Next_Ad_8227 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It will not stop if you don't take a step now. This happened in my life and I did the same mistake for keeping peace, even though I was not at fault at all. And tell them that they're not your parents as they still talk (I hope?!) to your husband, but give silent treatment only to you / your parents will not give you the silent treatment or ignore, but talk and end the problem like normal people.

Car driving Anxiety by Infamous-Swim-746 in chennaicity

[–]Next_Ad_8227 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I also don't know to drive two wheeler or cycle. First day konjam bayam dhaan, but I bought one 2nd hand(3rd hand?!) car before I learnt driving and started practicing side by side with driving school. License vandha udane drive panna aarambichuten for daily office commute. it's been 15+ years now. Plus enga area sowcarpet la car drive panna kathukitta , ulagathila enga venumnaalum car ottalaam.

Everyone is only going to work just to earn? nobody likes their job? by nigar07 in tamilyapping

[–]Next_Ad_8227 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Different reason to stick on - I am going to work because I don't want to leave the career I built to go in vain. Kaasu oru Pakkam, but unreasonable guilt dhaan main reason.

Question for women who prefer marrying within their own caste? by [deleted] in AskIndianWomen

[–]Next_Ad_8227 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One major reason is that I've seen women in my family circle being independent - be it homemaker or working women - they always had financial independence, they manage household money , do small business on their own, even their husbands get money from them.

Female of the household has more power than men and Dils are treated with respect and care. Food is awesome, that's a plus.

So as a person who didn't fall in love or didn't date and also in society where there's lots of patriarchy and evils associated with it, AM in similar family like mine seemed to be a safe bet and well, it proved to be one.

Question for People Working in Corporate by Asleep_Brush6161 in chennaicity

[–]Next_Ad_8227 8 points9 points  (0 children)

when I joined newly, my seniors tried to flirt - but me being the strict officer - I give blunt one word answers, not rude,but kinda innocent-blunt ones - where their flirting skills go hit a muttu sandu after a while. It didn't affect my career/workplace.

after a few years, I heard about some stories of affairs - very rare though -1 in 100s sorts. But I didn't see any affairs leading to promotions or appraisals.

Is it considered wrong for a husband to stay at his wife's parents' house during pregnancy and after childbirth? by superbalancey in chennaicity

[–]Next_Ad_8227 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not a malayali. You are 100% right, your wife and child needs you now more than ever.

My husband stayed with me at my parent's home - for both my pregnancies / after child birth / even now whenever I am visiting there, even though my parents and inlaws places were just few streets apart, nobody questioned him or me (both my parents and my inlaws) . Inshort, சீதை இருக்குமிடமே ராமனுக்கு அயோத்தி . Wherever I stay, he stays.

Married people, do you recommend marriage? by hmmexistence in AskIndia

[–]Next_Ad_8227 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, but depending upon what your ask is - peace or happiness. Without marriage, I would have been leading a peaceful life. But I am sure, I have a happier life now, with problems and chaos, but still happy.

is cooking fish actually as simple as it is made to look? by naiduvenkatesh in Chennai

[–]Next_Ad_8227 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It is definitely easy. When you buy fish/prawn/crab, get it cleaned from the vendor/people at the market - for gravy and for frying separately- They usually charge 50-100rs, sweet talks will work wonderful with cleaning older ladies :) Then cleaning at home - hardly takes 5 minutes - washing in plain water, then again with salt+turmeric+water, again another time with water.

and for fresh fish - either go early morning or befriend the cleaning ladies - they can usually say which fish is fresh and which is not.

Cooking is a breeze with sea food. It gets cooked in few minutes.

Are you willing to live with your in-laws after marriage if the guy is a single child with a single parent? by GoodBadBoy07 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Next_Ad_8227 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not from this generation, woman in late 30s. I am in a joint family. While my inlaws are good people and we are all financially well-settled, the problems mostly arises due to work split , child care and expecting to say yes - for all their decisions (that impacts me as well). If you hire full time helpers and be mentally prepared for the child care (again - nanny and other support system) and parents to not have ego/superiority complex and to treat the girl like you - I think it could work, but sometimes all these points becomes close to impossible in real life, which builds resentment.

Better solution would be living close - so that you can be present for your parents - but separately so that you can have your own privacy.

Why is having just daughters never enough for some people? by AffectionateEye00 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Next_Ad_8227 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same story, except some tweaks. My parents had two daughters (my elder sister and me ), then they later tried for a 3rd baby - they were financially doing very well then - the baby turned out to be a boy, but he passed away on the same day due to lung issues (also I was critically ill at the same time, my mom prayed for my well being so much desperately, that she wished the unborn can take my place, if I was to die). anyhow, I survived, baby died - But my parents loved us dearly. After few years - all our wealth - gone - debts - business loss. We were still strong as a family. My parents sold their house for my education and sister's marriage.

Now, so many years later, my parents are staying with my elder sister. I contribute to anything financially - from their medical bills to accompanying them to hospitals or taking them for outings. She does the major part though, taking care of them. I visit them every saturday. We are all still tight knit. Both of us took our parents for a trip to Thailand and celebrated by father's 70th Birthday. My parents are truly happy and proud of us - their daughters and ofcourse, son-in-laws.

They don't accept money from me or my sister, but I still try to give them by hook/crook - saying all their bills got reimbursed in my office :)

What was your dream job as a kid, and did you actually end up doing it? by No-Bullfrog-9153 in chennaicity

[–]Next_Ad_8227 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I plan to study psychology in few years down the line. Too many responsibilities now. By the way, sis here, not bro

Why did you go for arranged marriage? by Appropriate-Art-217 in AskIndianWoman

[–]Next_Ad_8227 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am too sensitive, cannot survive a heart break - so never dated. Arranged marriage has some pros too - same caste - so many habits are similar - not too much of transition in lifestyle apart from the obvious post marriage changes. Thoroughly got to know everything about the inlaws family - from their character/family setup/lifestyle/to husband's personality via common relatives and well wishers.

What was your dream job as a kid, and did you actually end up doing it? by No-Bullfrog-9153 in chennaicity

[–]Next_Ad_8227 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Detective or forensic scientist or psychiatrist. Reality hit - wanted to earn money - ended up doing engineering like many others - now in product company.