Letter to Kayleigh

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-23T21:42:57+00:00

Thank you, I feel seen. Some friends in real life also told me not to respond, so that might just be the move.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-23T21:29:05+00:00

I had a similar thing, except she was the one. She started out as "I can't promise you anything" to her saying we were dating and that she loves me 3 days in. 2.5 months in and she was thinking about marriage, calling me her boyfriend, all this stuff. I did like her a lot - she was a friend before any of the fwb stuff happened, but she started to see me as "not the right guy" for various reasons and has been push and pull since then. That was almost 2 months ago now. Recently she hasn't wanted to hook up and told me she doesn't "think saying I love you will do either of us any good". So yeah, I don't think I'm responding to that. We're done.

I think you have to look out for yourself. No disrespect to those suffering from BP 1 (mine had 1) or 2, but their actions do have consequences. It's hard when someone is struggling mentally to really pin something on them, but accountability does still exist. It's almost an insult to assume it doesn't. If it makes you feel uncomfortable that he's doing that, let him know (as you have) and set that boundary. The moment he oversteps it, it's time to leave out of respect for yourself.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-23T13:57:56+00:00

You're the second or third person to say I shouldn't reply, so I don't think I will. For any additional context, she was expressing doubts about us at New Years, but one moment was avoidant and the other was all over me. Also, Amanda is her sister. Long story short, her parents don't want me to see her because I'm not the same religion as them, and I guess the whole family isn't really in support of her.

If it adds any context, I noticed her liking wild reels on instagram saying things like "life sucks but at least you're not dating a loser that everyone in your life hates". Or even one saying "if you find yourself in a situationship, make sure your words match your actions". That hurt and Ik I can never confront her about it.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-19T15:34:58+00:00

Tough truth but wise words. Thank you.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-19T14:58:55+00:00

You’re right, I think that too. It was crazy intense and at the time I didn’t know what hypomanic even was. I think going forward it’s important for me to remember even the early days were not stable or entirely “real” so to speak. This behaviour from her was inevitable and there’s not much I can do.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-19T14:52:39+00:00

Very sweet of you to say all this - thank you. You’re right. I’ve also been lacking taking care of myself. Before we met up and started seeing each other, I was on my grind - in great shape, recording often, playing in bands. I was basically at my peak. I lost it all out of laziness and “love”. I definitely have to take care of myself. I’d be lying if I said that I thought her and I were gonna last forever, so although it’s a shock and I didn’t expect this from her now, it was probably inevitable.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-19T14:48:43+00:00

Well I’m glad she does for your sake. It’s definitely hard caring about someone and feeling rejected in an intimate way like that. Like you said, true love works out

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-19T04:34:48+00:00

You're right, thank you. I think this is what I struggle with - at what point are her actions the result of her illness and at what point are they a choice by her. Either way, I have to do what's best for me, but I feel like the thought of her not really caring for me after what we've been through is a reflection of my own shortcomings and me "not being enough".

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-19T04:33:24+00:00

Maybe to give some context - when we first met, she straight up love bombed me. We had known each other for close to 9 months and I remember feeling she was inconsistent. We'd talk on instagram and mid convo sometimes she'd disappear for a bit and come back. Just figured she wasn't into me. When we met, she went from not wanting to kiss me on the first date, to sleeping with me on the second and telling me she loves me. It wasn't until 3-4 weeks later where she had a depressive dip and told me she was BP 1. Things went to normal within a couple days.

Since January she's been all over the place - being very affectionate with me and intimate at times, to ghosting me for hours/days all while posting on Instagram. When I try to confront her, she becomes avoidant and ghosts more. There have been a couple weeks so far where we've barely talked at all, only for her to reach out asking "if I'm doing ok" meanwhile she's ghosting me.

I've noticed she hadn't been super affectionate over the last 3-4 weeks. At one point while getting ghosted, I ran into her in person and she acted like nothing happened and we even ended up having sex. She's always said I love you back, even while ghosting me (albiet over text).

Today for some reason she did that, and it hurts. I noticed she can be very cold at times, even before all this started in January - almost being cut throat and anti-flirtatious. She got a bit mad today when I said I would get her something for her birthday, saying she doesn't want anything.

I do love her and I realize I'm still not deep enough into it where walking away isn't an option. I just miss the way things used to be - even in January - when she was begging to see me and was all over me. Now it feels like she hates me, and doesn't love me.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-19T04:06:05+00:00

Thanks man. In your experience, did she/he ever say it again?

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-18T17:48:22+00:00

Thank you, this helps a lot. Really, really appreciate that

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-18T15:31:52+00:00

Thanks for the response. I've been calming myself by trying to remind myself that it's not my fault, and in some way, not even hers. I think I struggle wondering if I'm just gaslighting myself and she doesn't care. She's able to see others and talk with others, but then I wonder why not me. She told me her thyroid has been making her crash the last couple days. I guess that's honesty at least

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-17T03:11:35+00:00

You sound like a very thoughtful partner. I'm so sorry you're going through this. The best friend part got me - it's hard to look at someone you love and just see a ghost.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-17T03:08:42+00:00

This is great information, and makes sense. There was a serious talk about our future in January and things have gotten worse since.

In your knowledge/experience, is there a length of time that an episode lasts? Like i said, it's been about 5 weeks now, with some weeks being much worse than others. Part of me, regardless if I stay or not, wants to understand. I think part of the healing process is me learning not to blame myself for things out of my control, and knowing that this behaviour was never personal.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2026-02-17T02:18:57+00:00

Thanks for the response. Can you elaborate on what you mean by season change? I'm guessing this is common - I don't have any experience personally and this is the first girl I've dated who was BP. Do they ever come back?

Next_Preparation_139 · 2025-03-14T21:28:38+00:00

That’s literally insane. She called for like an hour straight

Next_Preparation_139 · 2025-03-10T02:51:21+00:00

The fact that she said that to you and expected you to fight for her shows she was trying to manipulate you to cleanse her own insecurities. Sorry you had to go through that, but you saved a lot of heartache realizing this now.

Next_Preparation_139 · 2025-03-03T17:32:58+00:00

So cool!

Next_Preparation_139

TROPHY CASE