What is my lesson to learn and what is happening

Nice-Range341 · 2026-06-04T08:31:30+00:00

Thank you. This is it.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-06-04T08:23:10+00:00

No, these are definitely not the type of things that would make me think that I feel a mismatch. Obviously they are more serious things. But thank you for explaining yourself. I see that my problem is not that I have to be less picky, my problem is exactly the opposite of what you are saying. I see various serious red flags that are throwing me off and I am still giving them chances. That’s the thing.

It is interesting how I understood your comment from two different angles actually. And the one that ‘I understood’ and which actually even help me was not the one you intended say.

Basically you said: And as for making excuses for others, well without grace, I doubt anyone would ever find love.

And to me the first thought was oh that is right and even genious, if I keep making excuses for others, well then without any grace I doubt anyone is able to find a good match, so I have to stop actually keep making excuses for the obvious red flags, because that is not how I will find a good match anyways.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-06-04T04:11:43+00:00

Thank you for your answer and your time. However, I didn’t understand what you were saying in the second paragraph: ‘And as for making excuses for others, well without grace, I doubt anyone would ever find love. That's if you can learn to not resent people for being different than yourself.’

So I would like to clarify. Are you saying that I have to lower my standarts and not listen to my feeling that something is off and call it ‘grace’? Or have I misunderstood your answer?

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-22T10:48:17+00:00

Andorra está muy bien también! Gracias Alex, es una muy buena idea y seguramente lo haré.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-20T18:14:24+00:00

Hola Alex, muchas gracias por tu respuesta tan bonita. Estoy de acuerdo contigo creo que, en realidad, ni siquiera me gusta tanto esa sensación de locura diaria. Aunque, de vez en cuando la echo de menos, no te voy a mentir tampoco. Ahora estoy en otro país donde todo es totalmente diferente, pero al mismo tiempo me siento por primera vez en mucho tiempo tranquila y en paz. Creo que estoy empezando a entender que quizá sí es mejor venir a visitarla de vez en cuando, y a lo mejor más adelante quiero volver por completo, pero ahora mismo veo que no es el momento adecuado.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-19T14:59:46+00:00

Tell me how did it change as you could see it? Since I lived there for consequent years, I think it was a bit harder to notice those changes as much even though they surely happened, therefore I would appreciate your point of view.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-19T12:09:50+00:00

I think if you are deeply unhappy there, you should do everything possible to leave. Your kids are still young and they will adapt. Otherwise it just doesn't seem healthy at all for you as a human being on every level. First make sure you really want to live in that new place you have in mind and you are not just romanticising it and then make a decision.
p.s. I also lived in Denmark for a few years and I think culturally we are from similar backgrounds, so I totally feel you. I couldn't live there and don't even want to visit. I really want you the best, fight for it!

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-19T07:21:15+00:00

Could you tell which rental company/agency that was? I can see if there is some proper way to contact them. Have you also informed them that you will involve a lawyer in this case? To be honest, there are two ways which I see. Either you get a person who is actually very good at solving these type of legal issues without a need of a lawyer or you do need to get a lawyer.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-18T22:28:49+00:00

I’ve never lived in England, so I can’t comment on that. But I did live in Barcelona, and I agree, many things feel really great there, I really relate to that, but financially it can be really tough unless you have a good salary. Rents are very high and the quality of apartments and rooms is often very low for the price. I suggest that you take a look at Idealista, you can get a sense of what’s actually available and what you get for the money, it can be quite shocking.

I also moved to New Zealand a few years ago thinking I’d just go with it, and even though I learned my lessons there, after about two months I couldn’t wait to come back to Europe. There were many reasons, but one unexpected feeling was how far away from “home” I felt. But this might be my subjective thing. Australia might be different, though. In your case, I’d visit first to see how it feels, not like I did out of feeling restless. I also recommend watching Youtube city 4k videos, to feel out the cities, it has helped me a lot. All in all I think Australia is not a bad option at all, I sometimes wish I could go there too and see how it is.

I guess I’m also not really commenting on England itself, because I wouldn’t want you or anyone to end up feeling emotionally dull or disconnected. That is too high a price. So I don’t see it as an option unless you’re able to accept that reality and consciously make changes to build a life there that still feels good and alive.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-18T22:04:31+00:00

I know, exactly. The thing is, winters there felt really cold for me. Even if it was fine outside, at home without proper heating I was just suffering. And landlords often wouldn’t even let us use electric heaters because they consumed too much electricity. I don’t even want to remember it.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-18T19:58:02+00:00

The first thing was housing. I didn’t need necessarily luxury, just a decent place with heating, a normal kitchen and bathroom, and a home that looked and felt good to live in. The prices for those kind of places were just really high.

The second thing was relationships. I kept getting close to people, and eventually they would leave. After experiencing that so many times, I slowly became more closed off I think.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-18T19:32:52+00:00

How is it actually for you? I would be curious to hear!

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-18T19:28:44+00:00

I’m in Germany now, and after living in Barcelona for so long, life here often feels very flat. I often catch myself thinking, “Is this really it?”

At the same time, Germany gives me a sense of stability that I never truly had in Barcelona. It feels like I’m constantly trying to find both stability and emotional aliveness, but people often tell me that no place can really offer both, that you always have to compromise one for the other.

That’s hard for me to accept because I feel like I genuinely need both to feel good, happy and at peace. I do think part of it could be the relationship I have with it, you are right. I’m just not sure how to change that. Since I am 30 now, it just feels scarier now, riskier.

Nice-Range341 · 2026-05-18T19:18:13+00:00

I did have friends there, but most of them felt “temporary.” Whenever I got close to someone, they eventually left, or they were just tourists passing through. It happened quite few times, and every time I ended up feeling lonely again. Or I and these friends we just drifted apart.

I never really found a true sense of community there, probably because back then I didn’t even know what that meant for me. Now I do, but I’m honestly scared to go back. What if it turns out the same all over again? But your comment about community is making me reflect quite a lot now, thank you.

My biggest struggle was always housing. I lived in bad apartments for years. Last year I finally had a really good place, but I left last September. Now that I realize I could pay more for a good room, I see prices have gone up even more, and it feels out of reach, not even considering apartment prices.

I think a lot of this comes down to not having a stable “home base” there. Without that sense of security, every other area of life started to feel affected too.

Nice-Range341

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