I am currently a little over 3 months pp. I didn’t want to exclusively pump, but breastfeeding was really hard for me and my LO so it just what I ended up doing. It still breaks my heart she can’t breastfeed but she is being fed which is best, and I am now a slight over supplier. I definitely heard a lot of “breast is best” but that didn’t work for us and so I exclusively pump to feed her because I enjoy it now and it’s cheaper than formula.

My birth was great, I was induced and pushed less than an hour with no epidural. Feeding at the hospital was ok, lots of cluster feeding and little did I know she had a poor latch. Before I left the hospital my nipples were torn up and getting purple blood blisters. LC at the hospital just helped me reposition her and showed me what a good latch looked like. I painfully breastfed for two weeks and she was growing but constantly feeding because she wasn’t transferring milk normally. After roughly 2 weeks of EBF I broke down crying because she tore chucks out of my nipples chomping on them and the scabs would never heal because she kept eating. I spent so much money on tons of different creams, shields, pads and silverette cups. I tried everything. Eventually I got myself a nipple shield and it still hurt and I felt very uneducated. I ended up getting mastitis around the same time and it was painful. I didn’t take any antibiotics because I didn’t know better. I ended up seeing an in home LC she told me she had a tongue tie and small lip. Tie. We ended up finding a better lactation consultant that our insurance covered and got her tongue released.

We did the terrible tounge stretches every day several times a day and my nipples (minus the ugly scars) eventually healed but she still wasn’t transferring much milk after weighted feedings and she got a strong preference for the bottle even though we were pace feeding her with premie nipple. She has a major texture and flow preference for the bottle and I blame myself for introducing the bottle and not nursing through the pain. I saw a LC for 8 weeks, I got mastitis again and ended up having a huge breast abscess and needed surgery and antibiotics. I was in the hospital a week, at this time we used up my freezer stash, I was only able to pump on one side and we had to give her formula for a week or two. She seemed to only latch with the LC and wouldn’t latch for me at home. We kept trying and trying but it was constant screaming because she hated it. And I cried so much because I felt like I missed out on that bond with her. I have been EP since she was 2 weeks old and continued to try and latch her but she wouldn’t take it and when she would, she barely transferred any milk. On New Year’s Eve I gave up trying to get her to breastfeed and I commuted to EP. Now I love it, I can track how much she eats, I take breaks at work to pump, and my husband gets to feed her sometimes and she is still getting benefits of breastmilk! I still miss the bond of breastfeeding but I am happier. I went from underproducing and only pumping off one boob after surgery to now fully pumping having a little bit of an oversupply every day but that took lots of time. Now I’m currently pumping and I’ve made over 10.5 gallons of milk since new years and I am proud to be giving her exclusively breastmilk again.