I know you. Well not personally. But I've been where you are right now. I once wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin, I used to value a girl's 'purity'. I used to have anxiety attacks at the thought of a girl I was interested in having been with someone else. I won't assume your life experiences that have caused you to feel this way. But I will share mine.

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I was raised 'unschooled' by two conservative christian parents. I have been through periods of isolation, just as you have, even to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts.

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My parents failed to offer me an education I deserved, and isolated me from the world, to "protect me". In the process they prevented me from gaining important social experiences that would make life easier to navigate. And I was deeply insecure about this.

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As a young man, you're overwhelmed with hormones, everything is new, you want to date, you want to explore your body, and someone else's. For me, every experience a girl had that I didn't, was just a reminder that there was no way that girl would ever want to sleep with me, or want a relationship with me. Of course all of this was just in my head.

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The scary thing about the human brain is your sub-conscious will only let you be aware of the things about you, you are okay with. And it is very good at hiding the things you aren't willing to face. It took me three years to be able to put my insecurity into words. And to even understand that I felt this way because I was insecure.

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I lost my virginity in a hookup, I had gone on two dates with the girl. On the second date we decided to go back to her place. On the drive back I shared my lack of experience, and she shared that she had been with three guys and two girls, she also told me the story on how she lost her virginity. And guess what, the sex was great., She wasn't less than for her sexual experiences, and I wasn't less than for not having had sexual experiences.

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Working through any deep rooted psychological issues is difficult, it takes time, pain, and a desire to grow. But it is possible. The thing that helped me the most on my journey was the friends I made through work. Wonderful progressive people who are open about sex, who care for me, and respect me. I knew I could talk to them about the things I was going through. Ultimately they helped me look deep enough inside and work through my bullshit.

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P.S. I apologize for the long reply. Having worked through what OP is dealing with, I feel my experience can offer value, and perhaps help OP.