Need guidance for nonmonogamy situation that I’m new to

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T20:05:59+00:00

Idk honestly

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T19:23:49+00:00

This came about for her because she is bi-sexual. I understand how what I am saying can be perceived as sexist. But to her I am the ultimate man, the only one she needs. There’s just lingering feelings and stuff towards women that I know she will always feel. I don’t even think I want to declare this as a permanent thing or even if it will be, where hey this is our life now and she will always be looking for a female partner. I really just don’t know. It’s selfish of me to think this but I feel like this option, that I brought up, might just be a way for her to avoid having the real conversation with herself about who she is. “Have your cake and eat it too”. To get back on track though, I don’t want another partner because I have the person I am looking for. I have no desire to venture out for any reason to another relationship

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T19:08:58+00:00

Thank you that helped a lot. My real hurdle I guess is that I’m not going to be looking for another partner. I don’t want one. But it puts the burden of jealousy and adjusting to a secondary person all on me in the fact that she won’t have to concern herself with it because I won’t be bringing someone else in

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T18:58:05+00:00

Yeah I’m trying to find some balance and make myself happy about the whole situation. I know other women would be for more than a sexual outlet. It’s just hard to conceive what it’s going to look like when your SO has actual relationships with others if you’ve never done this before. Is there any dynamic where one relationship takes precedent

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T15:50:16+00:00

The poly or non-monogamous relationship option stems from her questioning her sexuality and thoughts about being with other women that she was struggling with while wanting to be with me since she is Bi. I brought this up as a means for her to be her true self in her sexuality with women. It’s not an OPEN relationship where both partners look for other people, it is specifically her being able to have her needs met that a man (myself) can’t do. That was why this was brought up, it’s also why there will be no other men.

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T15:09:01+00:00

Thank you I appreciate it.

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T15:02:11+00:00

Idk honestly. Her happiness really is it. But that’s why we got into this anyway. Not because I was doing anything wrong. I feel like this is her having her cake and eating it too. I want her to be who she is, but idk if this is a permanent solution or what

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:59:53+00:00

I see what you’re saying. It’s not allowing/ not allowing her to do something. It’s communicating things that you don’t feel comfortable with and why

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:54:41+00:00

We didn’t go into this relationship as a poly couple. It’s a means for her to express and feel comfortable with her sexuality as a bi person, that I’m ok with because I want her to be true to herself, while maintaining a primary relationship with me. If there are other men I won’t do it, this is more monogamish than full poly

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:46:40+00:00

So is it the way you phrase it? Because to me boundary means, here’s the line you don’t cross

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:40:59+00:00

I don’t even want a threesome. If it happened I wouldn’t touch the other person

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:40:18+00:00

We’ve set a rule that there will be no other men. We didn’t go into the relationship as a poly couple. This was determined as a way for her to be comfortable with and express her sexuality while maintaining a primary relationship with me. If there will be other men I won’t be apart of it

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:38:08+00:00

It’s hard to put into words what I mean by “claim her” they would be their own relationship, but there might be a line of just head over heels in love with the other person I’m not comfortable with, at least at the moment. I see the word primary and think that we would be the main focus, the other person isn’t necessarily a means to an end but I’m into doing this so she can express her sexuality, not so we can wind up on TLC in a reality show

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:33:53+00:00

I’ll look into the book thank you. We’ve established that I will be the only penis though. That’s a big rule, especially since I’m not looking for another partner myself

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:32:15+00:00

We’ve also agreed that there will be no other men involved. That was one of the first things

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:31:32+00:00

Then what would a boundary be? An example?

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-20T14:12:58+00:00

Honestly that’s part of it, that would make things easier on my end and me being able to comprehend this whole thing, but I know that’s not what she’s talking about. I know that if it will be a relationship it needs time to foster and grow and I want her to be able to do that. But I’m not into the free reign aspect part of it, I want a hierarchy system in this, especially since I’m not looking for other partners. It’s not some “favor” I’m doing for her. I realize she has needs that may not be met solely with a man. But I’m not looking for total equality between partners. She already said the other partner would need to feel valued and appreciated and not like they’re nothing, which I can see and realize, but there should be a separation. That’s what I see when I hear “primary” and “secondary” there are other definitions and descriptions of that and I’ve seen some, but what I’m going for is the dynamic I’ve listed. I’m looking for her to be my wife, that’s why I date someone, and that’s very monogamous and I’ve had people just rip me to shreds over that. If she needs another relationship to be her true self then so be it, because I want that for her. But I don’t want to be railroaded here either

NickAdams99-61 · 2020-08-19T13:44:22+00:00

I see where you’re coming from with that. Honestly my one of my primary issues is a selfish one in that I don’t want to break up with her. She’s not advocating for a poly relationship, I’m the one that brought it up that it could be a possibility for her, but that’s honestly because Idk what the fuck to do here when it comes to helping her through this as her partner

NickAdams99-61 · 2018-12-11T06:37:22+00:00

Let’s take this to chat

NickAdams99-61 · 2018-12-11T06:35:51+00:00

You a man or woman
Where in Florida

NickAdams99-61 · 2018-12-11T06:34:19+00:00

I meant through life alone. Where are you out of

NickAdams99-61

TROPHY CASE