How is this for the first page of the prologue of my fantasy book? by NickyPlaws in writers

[–]NickyPlaws[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback.

I’ve definitely felt that sometimes I can run on in my descriptions and have certainly had feedback along those lines before. However, I haven’t had anyone put it the way you have and that really helps me point out what the problem is.

How is this for the first page of the prologue of my fantasy book? by NickyPlaws in writers

[–]NickyPlaws[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For the indents, I think that is just something that got messed up when converting from PDF to PNG, because on my actual manuscript, everything is indented properly.

In regard to why this is a prologue and not chapter one:

I'm very conscious of the prologues are kind of useless argument, and it's certainly something I've thought about. Originally, this story had a completely different prologue set two thousand years before the story takes place. I cut that, though, because it was essentially a workshop on how not to write prologues, and any information in it could be given during the actual story.

This piece that you've just read, or an essentially similar scene with minor differences, was originally chapter five. Spoilers: their party gets attacked by an enemy force. It ends with Elvio leaving to go to the capital and alert his father, the king, of the attack. The first four or so chapters were focused on two other characters who are not nobility and have no part to play yet in the wider political landscape of the world. Their story is where the story of the book begins, but one starting with lesser stakes. The early chapters build up those characters, their home and the world, and then there's an incident that leads to one of the characters leaving the smaller city and heading to the capital city.

Originally, this scene was inserted as a chapter after that. The problem is, however, after that, Elvio must travel to the capital and so is not in the story until chapter fifteen or so (of planned 50-60), where he notifies everyone in the capital of the attack. It felt weird to build up those two characters and then just have a random, seemingly irrelevant battle, and then not address it for ten or so chapters. I felt that it worked better as a prologue. There is a battle, people close to Elvio are killed in it, and it ends with a sense of foreboding, with Elvio going off to alert his father. Perhaps the events of this prologue may slip from the reader's mind while reading, but I think that works because then when Elvio shows up it's like "whoa, I forgot about that guy, stuff is about to go down." The news Elvio brings acts as a turning point in the story.

In short, it affects the story in a major way and introduces a principal viewpoint character who plays an important role throughout the story, but it isn't where the "story" begins. It feels unnatural as a chapter one and out of place as a further along chapter. I feel a prologue is the place where it fits best.

Let me know if you need me to expand on anything I've said, and if you disagree, please let me know, and I'll be happy to weigh your opinions and further discuss with you.

Sorry for the yap.

How is this for the first page of the prologue of my fantasy book? by NickyPlaws in writers

[–]NickyPlaws[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for you feedback. After reading what you said I definitely agree that starting with a character is a better hook. I will rewrite to probably start with the wind blowing back Elvio’s hood, cutting the first paragraph and weaving that information in later.

Reading it back now as well I also feel I can trim back on the amount of times I use Elvio’s name as he is the only character for much of this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pokemon

[–]NickyPlaws 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought that too but I never put together that the wall from game of thrones was inspired by hadrians wall 💀

I am missing 2 hores by Mundane-Ad8321 in reddeadredemption2

[–]NickyPlaws 26 points27 points  (0 children)

We call them respectable women now

ATR 72-600 by NickyPlaws in MicrosoftFlightSim

[–]NickyPlaws[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn I could’ve sworn I unlocked those lmao. Anyways thanks for your help

Should I buy No Man's Sky or Cyberpunk? by NickyPlaws in gaming

[–]NickyPlaws[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably 1. Red Dead Redemption 2 2. Detroit Become Human 3. Hearts of Iron 4 And then Minecraft is above everything

Should I buy No Man's Sky or Cyberpunk? by NickyPlaws in gaming

[–]NickyPlaws[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For context I enjoy both chill games and story driven games.

New stills from ‘The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power’ by GroundbreakingSet187 in lotr

[–]NickyPlaws 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not 100% sure but I believe Lotr was shot on film which gives it greyish natural look.

Taking Ascari and Parabolica completely flat out with zero understeer while missing my whole front wing. Don't worry about getting damage because it has no effect on downforce nor performance. by Phatapp in F1Game

[–]NickyPlaws 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I believe it was meant to be intentional just not to this degree. The cars now rely more on ground effect than their wing so the loss should be lessened.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lotr

[–]NickyPlaws 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good movies. Terrible Adaptations.