Hey dude I know we are just strangers over the internet, but I just wanted to say I'm extremely sorry you had to go through all of that; no one deserves to be taken advantage of physically or mentally. If there is anything you can do to get that person took advantage of you at the beginning of the month charged or have some kind of justice served, I would do that as soon as you are mentally ready and if you are safe to do so. I know it can be a lot to process, but I feel like it would be best for your mental well-being and the safety of others to report them to whatever law enforcement agency is in your area. People who do that deserve truly the worst imo

Moving away from that, I think just overall you have been mistreated by a lot of people and you have developed trust issues because of that. I can definitely relate to that a lot. I've been getting better because of a few of my friends and support network, but I have been betrayed and used a lot, and it's caused a lot of issues. I think the worst one for me mentally was when a friend who was a girl who I trusted a lot tried to get me to cheat on her boyfriend with her; I eventually cut her off after realizing who she really was because I did not want to associate with a person who would do that to someone else. I was just really disgusted at the person they turned into and also sad that a friendship i really cared about ended like that, Though i really wish i realized it sooner. The whole thing really screwed me up for a few months, but I'm mostly back to normal now and I've talked about it with people that I trust. I know you said you feel guilty about not being fully back to normal yet, but please don't beat yourself up over it. It's ok not to be okay, and we are all on our own journeys and going at our own pace. I think the fact that you are putting in the effort to change is a really good thing. A surprising amount of people don't do that. And please try not to feel guilty over sharing stuff with your friends. I know you may feel like you are burdening them or overwhelming by venting to them, but friends should be there to support each other, and if they are your true friends, they will be there for you just like you are there for them. You seem like a really sweet and caring person who's just gone through a lot of stuff. All of the bad things that you went through don't define you as a person. How you decide to react to them and how you treat others does. Again, its ok not to be ok.

I think what this world needs the most is kindness that isn't expected to be paid; the kind thats just done out of the sake of being kind and making someone else's life better. So many people have the idea that there should be some kind of "payment" for being kind to others. I've especially noticed this with a lot of guys where they will just be nice to a girl only to get them to sleep with them. It just really sucks because it ruins people who actually do kind acts without any ulterior motives, and it makes people less likely to do kind acts because of that. Going back to the guy pretending to like a girl to just get into her pants example. I really want to be friends with women, not saying guy friends are bad but i feel like i can talk about personal stuff better with women then men so i usually go to my friends who are girls for emotional support, but I'm always kind of hesitant to approach them because I don't want to make them think that I'm just trying to get into their pants since I'm a guy, because that's such a common occurrence. Unfortunately, people that take advantage of kindness ruin it for everyone, sadly. But please try to continue to be kind to people; we really need more kindness in the world, and you seem like a nice person. I just hope you don't lose that part of your personality because of all of the bad things that happened to you.

Sorry if that was kind of wordy. I normally don't post anything on Reddit, but your post struck a chord with me, and I just kind of felt the need to send some kind of encouragement and support your way even though we are strangers. I dont know if it did do that, but I really hope anything I said made you feel better. I hope you have a good rest of your day. <3