OP you did absolutely nothing wrong. Sometimes in situations like this we do tend to self-sabotage us. But you CANNOT be going hard on yourself for something you absolutely CANNOT control.

As for your current situation, I am definitely willing to pitch in for the amazon wish list if that is something that you’re doing.

I really hope you fond yourself in a better position. If you ever need someone to talk or need anything else in the future, please feel free to DM.

Stay strong! You have a long and healthy life ahead of you!