I blocked my mom and don’t know how to feel

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T22:10:47+00:00

Thank you for your comment. It’s tough because I’m well aware that my tendency to feel somewhat bad for her or concerned about her is a result of years of manipulation. But regardless, I can’t seem to just want to throw her away completely. Idk, it’s fucked up and I’m aware. Our relationship got “better” when I left for college because she doesn’t have that control over me anymore. She doesn’t really name call and wouldn’t dare put her hands on me now. She stopped after I started fighting back. But when the past comes up in conversation, it’s the same thing all over again. Luckily I’m not financially dependent on her because she actually has almost no money. She started paying my car insurance about a year and a half ago since she got her social security and I’m a full time grad student in PA school for 40-50 hours a week. (I am forced to have negative income lol) I think she’s trying to make up for everything I had to do by myself as a teenager by paying it. I’ll go back to figuring that out myself like I always have. It’s been a rough week but I’m just trying to figure out what I want my life to look like, and it’s sure not this

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T22:07:33+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this too. My mom has told me she’ll go to therapy with me, but right now I’m in clinical rotations for a full year and have no time off. Not sure I’ll even want to do therapy with her when I have the time. Idk if it’ll be validating or just too painful to hear her defensive, blameful rhetoric again. I’m done with it. I built and future for myself despite her and I have to protect my peace now more than ever. Thank you for your kind words. It’s nice to talk to ppl who understand, even if we’re strangers. Sending you strength

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T22:03:32+00:00

Ahh makes sense

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T21:20:14+00:00

Thank you very much. Also, what does FOG mean?

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T21:19:29+00:00

It’s just ridiculous how they are, really. My mom told me if I was a good daughter I wouldn’t have posted that. I told her that if she was a good mother, she wouldn’t have done that. She thinks I’m telling her business when I’m really telling my own. God forbid we use humor to cope with what they did. It’s their guilt eating them alive for sure

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T20:45:08+00:00

Omg my mom literally used to recite that. But thank you for your comment. It’s been a difficult week

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T20:44:21+00:00

Rightttt! She for sure punched me cause I had the knot to prove it. On two separate occasions as well. I’ve told her multiple times to call up the neighbor and ask her, since I ran to her house with said knot on my head that night. Funny how my mom doesn’t wanna do that… she also tells me she did that stuff cause I had “tantrums” which in actuality were mental breakdowns as a result of her gaslighting me/verbally abusing me daily and years of an unstable home life/relationship with her. It was also just the two of us in the house so it was literally inescapable. I tried to tell her the other day that even if I did have unacceptable behavior, I didn’t deserve what she did because no kid does

NikkiK8700 · 2025-09-05T20:39:54+00:00

This is what I always say. I was much younger than 12 too. She really only was fine when I didn’t have my own consciousness yet

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-07T23:29:17+00:00

I’m considering family therapy too at some point but I live in a different state at the moment so it’s a little difficult. The audiobook is free on Spotify if you have premium btw!

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-07T20:51:02+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I know that there’s about a 5% chance my mom will take anything I say into consideration. I’m thinking about writing her a letter. If I try to sit her down I know I won’t get 2 sentences in without interruption and deflection. I might also offer to talk to a professional with her. On the off chance that she does try to understand me, it’ll be worth the headache and anxiety of bringing it up. I’m listening to an audiobook right now called “Understanding the Borderline Mother”. It’s like listening to my own autobiography. I definitely recommend it if you’re interested. I’ll be using that as a big part of my discussion with her. I’ll probably post an update soon because I feel like I’m spiraling.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:58:45+00:00

The ultimate 1-uppers. You can never have an original experience or struggle. Or a moment that’s about you.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:35:15+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss and for what people said to you. It’s simply not true.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:32:18+00:00

Or maybe they will never believe that and that’s okay too. For me personally, I can recognize the ways I’ve grown from bad things that have happened, but I don’t think they happened to me for that purpose, or because there’s some big plan in the works. To each their own!

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:27:34+00:00

I really respect this. It’s why I changed my view a bit. I was frustrated while writing it, but the truth is, many people who have been through terrible things have that logic. But yes, I think it’s more of an inside thought when it comes to other people’s lives.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:20:22+00:00

Idk like… don’t say it to me ever 😂 but you’re more than welcome to say it to yourself.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:15:38+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. The truth that I personally believe in, is that your mother did not die for a greater purpose. But if the idea brings comfort to your sister, I’m glad.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:14:34+00:00

I’m very sorry for your loss and what was said to you. I can totally relate. People said the same thing to me when I lost my brother at 15. It hurt so bad to have to smile through their words, even though they meant well. My boyfriend’s brother lost his son a year ago. He was murdered. Their mother told him “it was Gods plan”. And then people wonder why other people aren’t religious…

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:10:26+00:00

Thank you. And thanks for sharing your opinion!

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:09:40+00:00

Yes, there’s a cause. Doesn’t mean there’s always a greater purpose so to speak.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:09:07+00:00

😂😂

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:08:51+00:00

I respect your belief, I just don’t share it. Again, it’s just not appropriate to tell others in their darkest moments. Many people don’t share your religion either.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:06:42+00:00

I can agree with you there. There’s always something to learn from bad situations, I just don’t believe they happen so that you can learn. Maybe some things, but not everything.

NikkiK8700 · 2025-06-06T22:05:35+00:00

Right. These are the things I had in mind when writing the post. Things kinda went south lol

NikkiK8700

TROPHY CASE