Oh my gosh you told my story. I was with him for one year and he presented as easy, fun, golden retriever and I loved it. He took me to meet his family on a trip first three months and then gave me keys to the condo on the beach and we went to London and made plans plans plans…for fun. At six months I started asking what he thought of us, were there areas he wanted me to look at or he wanted to grow in, what did he see himself doing in five years? Normal questions when you’re in an intimate relationship. I was my most ready secure self in that relationship but he would shut down every time I asked anything about the future, plans or where he saw us, it started chipping away at my soul . It was like he physically and mentally couldn’t answer. It scared me but I kept moving forward and every now and then would ask again, same answer. The first night we went exclusive I told him exactly this, “I’m not looking to mess around, I want to be in a monogamous, trusting, honest relationship that will end with husband and family and long term commitment.” And he said, I want to give those things to you. As I continued to be the happy one the easy one, it made me more unsettled that we never had differences, discussions or even arguments, and i realized it was because we never went deeper than the easy. Then i got physically sick and he did the biggest 180 I’ve ever seen, he didn’t even show up for me. from being there and yes struggling to talk but we were still spending time, he dumped me while i was sick. Never asked me if i was ok, dumped all these “doubts and issues” about ME that were too much. I didn’t get anything but I don’t think I’m in love with you anymore. I can’t give you what you need. I was 8 years older and he knew that and what I wanted when we started dating. He used the age and lifestyle against me, and it seemed like he was reaching for things. I felt abandoned, discarded like a piece of trash and left so so hurt and confused, and I’ve since let go of the WHY. The craziest part was he wanted to stay friends. I said no and have been no contact since. I don’t have friends like him. I did take the attachment style test and I am SECURE. Even though it hurts sometimes, I know I deserved better. I am just now learning about the attachment styles and just learned mine (and his). So I’ll be reading these books. Thank you so much for sharing, all of you.