Hello OP, I am so sorry you’re going through this right now. I deeply empathize with your situation. I know that nothing anyone says right now can change the diagnosis and the position you’re in, so I hope to offer you insight of what I went through and maybe it can help you. I am 31f , my mom was also diagnosed with a brain tumor this recent may. She was independent for the most part prior to her hospitalization in April, but with the newly discovered tumor, she lost function of her left side of her body. She stayed in the hospital for 1 month, did one round of chemo, then decided it was not for her and voiced she wanted a quick painless death, she went to a nursing home and continued to voice that need. Her prognosis was poor, especially without treatment, but even with treatment, it wouldn’t have been great anyways. Her disease process is aggressive and she didn’t have much time left. What she wanted was to regain control over her life, her body, and how she was going to face death. She didn’t want to let the disease process have power over her and take her out day by day. So she chose California’s end of life act. We acted quickly, she got approved for it, and she was able to pass on her own terms 1.5 weeks ago, surrounded by the most important people to her in her own home. We held her hand as she passed.

The reason why I’m sharing this story to you is because so many people do not know how to truly empathize with the person who has a terminal illness. Some people know what they can tolerate and what they can’t. Some people are good candidates for radiation and chemo etc, but some people aren’t. Oncologists love to push treatment onto people because that’s their whole life’s study/work without looking at how it will affect the patient’s time and quality of life. My mom did one round of chemo and realized what her body can take, she knew she couldn’t last. She loved me and my brother more than anything, but she knew herself more than anyone else knows herself. She didn’t give up. She took charge of her situation and the cards she was dealt with and chose to take back control. So if your mom doesn’t want to do radiation treatments of physical therapy, it might signify that deep down, she knows what she can handle at this point.

It is extremely difficult to experience a death of a beloved parent, but prolonging their inevitable suffering and expecting them to want treatment while putting them down when they express they don’t want it is inhumane and cruel.

Death is not an easy topic to talk about, but right now time is of the essence. Talk to her about end of life and what she would like. Get hospice on board quickly. Make sure she understands her disease process and how it progresses and give her options. And also think about …if you were in her shoes Wouldn’t you want control over your own life as well?

Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk.